alternative to suicide

I am taking suggestions. I cannot keep going how i am going. I cant change things fast enough. I waited too late to get help and progress is minimal. I know some people cant make it. Some people lead tragic lives. Some people arent cut out for this.

How do i give up other than suicide. What other towel can i throw in. What can i do.

There is no towel to throw... you can never 'give up'. It would be better if you just tried, continuously without fail, to improve your life and show others what you can achieve.

Can you please tell me what you have been getting up to recently?; and what you feel has gone wrong?

Kevin

Thanks for your replies. Im very up and down.

My problem is i have turned to every thing. Here is the list of things that didnt work:

Being with someone that really understood bpd and tried to work with me. She was only able to do it so long.
church leader that was a shrink type also. Never met with me despite promises
Church leader who understood. One of my nlow ups triggered him.
Church "deliverace". Was a joke.
School counselor. Out of school now, didnt make progress.
navy chaplain. Was a joke. He wasnt able to lecture my problems away.
meth. Well that was just a bad idea.
alcohol. Same. Rehab whatnot.
pot. That helps mood and calm me, but it takes motivation away.
va hospital. They are screwing me over so bad.
Emergency room. Sent me to the va.
This board. 4 people pmed me saing they had resources. Havent gotten $#%^.
Praying. I believe in god but 18 years of praying got my small ones answered. Doesnt answer the only prayer i care about.
Shrooms. This helps a lot with art and mood. Not healthy more than once every blue moon.
Work insurance for doctors. That would actually cost me double after all is said and done than out of pocket would.
Video games. Distraction never wins.
"Fake it until you make it". Yeah that advice made me good at bottling up and hiding my problems.

Anyway. I dont know what to do. I sabotage my life constantly. All the time. I am a tornado. Everyone close to me runs away. People used to think i was going so good. My facade is wearing thin. Im falling apart. There doesnt seem to be an answer.

False hope is more debilitating than failure. I cant do the god thing again. Sorry. I know you are. Voming from a good place though. Thanks.

You have evidently been through a lot, invisable, and have come through it all 'fruitless'. Well- no - that's just how it seems on the surface. In reality, you have [probably] gained valuable experience and wisdom in the area pertaining to your problem(s). As such, you are in a good position to offer/give advice to others.

When all else fails in your own recovery, try 'indirect' recovery through helping others geet through the same problems that you have faced in your own life. It works.

Kevin

Ok thank you chucky.

Chucky wrote:You have evidently been through a lot, invisable, and have come through it all 'fruitless'. Well- no - that's just how it seems on the surface. In reality, you have [probably] gained valuable experience and wisdom in the area pertaining to your problem(s). As such, you are in a good position to offer/give advice to others.

When all else fails in your own recovery, try 'indirect' recovery through helping others geet through the same problems that you have faced in your own life. It works.

Kevin

What if someone's heading down this road with a need for revenge against the abuser who's acts began my "journey"? but there's no place where others facing my problem are allowed to talk? Chucky IS correct, but I haven't been able to find an online 'home' with a specific category for people recovering from the issues I face. It may sound pathetic, but in my case the nature of the abuse is such that only another victim can understand enough to give informed and trustworthy advice. The website I used to go to is closed.

I hope that doesn't sound pathetic or alarming because I really would like feedback. I was doing well when people like me had a place to go. It's just frustrating and depressing that nobody cares enough to make a place for us.

^
Well, you are never alone. I know you may feel like you are, but you aren't. There is always a place for survivors of all types. And even if someone hadn't gone through the same abuse or same experiences as you, there is always the chance that they can still relate and still understand.

@OP:
Usually the alternatives only help if you put your 100% effort into recovering. Sometimes people tend to say, "Well I tried it and it didn't work" but they were not putting in the effort to recover, they just did it for the sake of doing it, or they did it hoping that it would be like magic and they would recover right away. Recovery takes a lot of time... It does not occur over night or within a few months, sometimes it takes years of dedication to recover.

My advice would be to try all of those things again and this time put ALL of your effort into getting better, look up some self help books, convince yourself that you WANT to get better.

I can't help but wonder now that it's February 21st how are things for you? I certainly hope that you've found something positive to latch on to. I know how that feeling takes you down to...well, the end. Where everything is painful. I know it's at that point where I've put myself in the hospital as my way of 'throwing in the towel' 'cause I got tired of having my stomach pumped.

There are so many absolutely beautiful sights to see, so many sounds to hear, so many fabulous journeys to be traveled, so many intriguing people to meet, so much love to be inspired by.

But we won't experience even one of these if we can't fight back against the evil that wants us dead. You can rise up against the forces of pain, loneliness, darkness and despair to be loved by all of those that know you, to see all that is awe inspiring, to hear the sounds that touch your sole and to be met my by people that will see you for the brilliant human being you are.

Love Ya,
Peace for You Invisible!!!

Well, you are never alone. I know you may feel like you are, but you aren't. There is always a place for survivors of all types. And even if someone hadn't gone through the same abuse or same experiences as you, there is always the chance that they can still relate and still understand.

Thanks.