My 20's are missing

I hope I've chosen the right place to put this.

I have no memory of any of my 20's. I have some dim memories of my childhood all the way through high school, and I remember my senior cruise, my graduation, going back to school to pick up my diploma, seeing a kid with long bangs puke on my way out of the school while he tried to hold his hair out of the way, feeling the hot sun on my skin on my way to my car, and then it fades to black with little pin-prick white specks of bright light floating down my field of vision, and then waking up in hospical hooked up to an IV in each arm and feeling very strange and unable to hear. That was on the 8th of December 2008. In some ways, I feel like that's when my life began.

My hearing has come and gone several times. I was told that I have meniere's disease, and this is normal for me, and that I nearly died of complications from crohn's disease. Where did I get all these diseases in just 10 years? What did I do to myself? Anyway, the loss of oxygen to my brain caused brain damage which presented as the loss of my memories. I also have autism and ADHD. These explain my social difficulties as a child. I've always considered my brain to be my most important possession, and now I've ruined it somehow. I seem to be able to retain memories of all events I've experienced after getting out of hospital easily enough once I finally got off of my pain medication.

During the 10+ years I've managed to skip, I've apparently had several jobs according to social security, but I have no memory of ever having a job other than a volunteer job I had with my sister at an animal shelter when I was in high school. I have no record of what jobs I had. I know only that I've made money and paid taxes for a few years. My psychiatrist says that I'm ready to get a job, but I don't know how.

The state is trying to help me get a job now, so I hope I can earn some money because I was evidently a pretty big spender and racked up an unbelievable debt. I've collected a whole new generation of ponies, bought a nice car, a TV that looks like it's out of a sci-fi movie, and obviously this computer, and probably thousands of dollars more worth of stuff. I've also moved a whole mountain range away from where I lived before and to a different state.

I'm 32 years old now, and I just don't feel like I have enough useful information about the world and how it works to fulfil the responsibilities my psychiatrist seems convinced I'm ready to take on. I'd also like to start building some fun memories that are not so dim as those that remain of my childhood, but all I've been through have been doctor visits and occupational rehabilitation sessions, and evenings on my computer before bed. What am I supposed to do? I don't think I'm unintelligent, but I feel uneducated and inadequate. I'm supposed to present myself as somebody with a work history that I have no memory of, nor have I a record of it. My mom says I've never worked, but social security disagrees, and I can't imagine how I'd secure such a huge credit line without working.

I've read a lot of posts online that I've written before, and it's like somebody else wrote them. They are not like me, like a different person completely. I didn't even have the same beliefs.

I'm writing too much.

Serendipity, maybe you have to tell your psych that you just don't feel ready. Ask your mom why she thinks you never worked, if there is evidence that you did.
You have a chance to make new memories for youself now, good ones, like you want. Don't give up and try to get as much help as you need. Feel free to post on our forum and try to have a little fun here as well.

I've read a lot of posts online that I've written before, and it's like somebody else wrote them. They are not like me, like a different person completely. I didn't even have the same beliefs.

Maybe you have Dissociative Identity Disorder.

What caused you to lose oxygen to the brain?

uhm, this is just a thought here... don't take me too seriously.

Any chance you were a drug dealer during those 10 years?

People get jobs here and there to show the government they are earning money, whilst earning a lot more from selling drugs (which might explain all the expensive luxuries you have). It might also partially explain why you mother thinks you didnt work..

I'm not sure if it adds up and I probably don't understand the situation perfectly.