How can I gain hope?

My life has been a horrible one. I am only 17, but the events in my life have been really traumatic and painful. Let me just tell you some of the things and how I feel:

-My best friend of 10 years is a different person now. He is darker, has thrown his life away, and is very angry now. He doesn't talk to me at all and his new friends are dark too. I loved him more than anyone in this world. We were like brothers.

-My father is..I guess the term is..verbally abusive towards me. When I was little he cussed me out and he has gotten in my face in the last year and screamed at the top of his lungs.

-I have zero relationship with my sister (who is 10 years older than I) because she got involved with drugs and alcohol. She has nearly died several times, and because of he problems, all three of her children have some mental issues, ranging from ADD to comprehension. Because of her bad parenting, my parents now have full custody of them, and we have 4 kids living in a small 2 bedroom home now. It has been this way for 3 years. (The kids' ages are 3, 4, and 8.). Their frequent noise (crying, running around, etc) irritates me to the point of wanting to punch holes into walls. I cannot handle the noise. It does something to me mentally.

-My first girlfriend, a girl who I trusted for years and thought was a true Christian, quickly cheated on me in our relationship. I learned she is a bit of a slut who takes advantage of guys. (I was going on 16). Since then, I have become very partial to relationships and refuse to partake in them. I even have trouble talking to girls in fear of being hurt.

-Being multiracial, I have been amidst racism in my environment, from people calling me slave to other offensive slurs. I feel like I lack a niche in society because there are less people like myself.


These are some of the main things that have happened. I feel like there is little to no hope for me. The events in my life have left me horribly scarred, emotionally and mentally. I can't trust people, I barely socialize, and I am very upset with the world. What can I do to gain hope?

Hi master_z,

First of all, let me tell you something. I know you are suffering from relationships and your friendships,too. Other thing is you are trying grown up,cause you are young now. See, whatever happened in your life, i am sorry for it. Everyone thinks that they should be loved and taken care of by respect and love, everyone deserves it. Your father should not do that thing with you. It had made you nervous many times, i feel.

If your friends are in darkness, then try to talk to them, try to to help them. Don't afraid. Nothing will get worse. You know, you were not responsible in break-up with your gf, she was in major part. She did not let you know that she can do this. It's ok. It is not your fault. So, now don't think that others will give up or reject you. Don't keep this feeling, You can remove this feeling by talking to your friends. Start helping your friends as they are in darkness, you will come to forget this all incidents.

How do you feel when you go in social occasions or society? Do you have any other problems? Please, don't be hesitant,feel free to tell us.

I feel like I'm being judged when people stare at me. When I am around people I gain a sense of awkardness. I tried helping my friend, it did no good. It doesn't help that he lacks a father and that his mother gives him crap everyday (yells at him, makes him do all the work around house, convinced him the things he used to like are childish).

Hi master_z,

Really, you have no need to care about what others are thinking of you. They will think of you, cause they don't know who you are. Only you know very well, so you have to stay fearless about this. Stop seeking outside, just look at yourselves. Many things you will find. Be good for yourselves. Don't doubt about yourself.

About your friend, you need to talk to him. Why he feels awkward? See, many parents do wrong thing, because they are not aware of their child. It happens. I am sorry for that. May be he(your friend) need you, so give support to him. Tell him not to see his parents. Otherwise it may trigger on him. i think, your friend must have some personal issues. Does he?

He used to play video games and other things. His mother told him they were childish, and she makes him do work around the house and yells at him frequently. I think that played a role in turning him into the dark person he is today. He listens to vulgar music, often wears black, etc. And his new GF is gothic. Again, I feel I can no longer help him. He is a totally different person.

hi master_z again,

You are right. Anyone will think for someone who thinks that he is in darkness. It is obvious thing. YOU can understand one thing, his surroundings is trying to make him feel bad. As a friend, you can do one thing, You can support him to become strong person. This is why he need now. He need support to stand up to his situation. It is in your hand how to support him.

Be a good friend for him.

Just so you know, you're not alone. I used to feel exactly the same way a few months ago. My parents are separated and I don't have a very friendly relationship with both of them. I'm not very close to my sister as well (we are 7 years apart) since she has her own world. My best friend and I have grown apart ever since she had a boyfriend, which broke my heart entirely. The only person I had then was my boyfriend - and I was already pushing him away because in my point of view, no one cares.

Then, he opened my eyes. Despite my constant pushing, my boyfriend stayed and really showed me that people care - I just need to be open to the help they offer. When I started opening up, I realized that I'm really not alone because people were actually worried about me. If I didn't take a break from my negative outlook, I wouldn't have seen that people were actually reaching out to me. Even though I have very bad relationships with my family and best friend, I gained new friends with other people.

Just try to open up and stop feeling negative about everything. The saying, "Think positive" definitely works.