need some enlightenment,please read,please

im not exactly sure where to post this but im really worried about my being.this has only happend twice in this last few months,as im typing i tihnk i just got over the second part of it.idk how to really describe it but first i feel like im cursed with unluckyness,then i start to feel empty or like i need something but i cant put my finger on it,and then the worry sets in because i would like to become a psychologist when im older but i think i wont be mentally fit or acceptable.and the thing that worries me most is i see no point in furthering my life during this,i just want to end it in a blaze of glory,i feel like killing some of the people that make me maddest,im not sure why,and i cant discuss this with my mother or father,my father just isnt that type of person and i feel i've let him down enough and i'd hate for my mom to feel worse because i've told her once and immediantly regretted she shouldnt have that burden, butshe made me feel better for about a month and shes probably the only reason i haven't killed myself or others.it usually happens at night and prevents me from sleep,and i have had it more then twice but only twice has it been really bad,i used to not know why i felt like i needed for something so i just ignored it,but as i age it gets darker.and im worried im a psychopath but one way i know im not,is i have compassion,i feel pain of others and i can love and have emotions,but then idk exactly as im only a teenager.I would like to know what im suffering and any ideas or thoughts on how to cope with this,it honestly scares me

Hi, angry and empty! You are not a bad person and as long as you don't hurt any one, you have nothing to feel guilty for. I used to have strange thoughts and feelings like the ones you describe too, I think. They faded away for me. It had to do with stress and past abuse. What is causing you harm? Are you being bullied or abused? Maybe talking about it will get rid of some of the tention and things will get better.

Yo,

Sounds like you've got a lot of paranoia in your head about, well, just about everything. You haven't been doing drugs or anything, have you? (They can induce paranoid thoughts.) Anyway, what exact age are you? - As we grow through our teenage years, our entire bodies grow a lot, including our brains. However, if our brain grows alongside any harshness in life, the effects of that harshness can be magnified as the brain grows with it. So, is there anything particularly upsetting that's been going on with your friends or family recently that you haven't mentioned?

Take care,
Kevin

im 16 but i wont disclose anything other information about my person as i wish to remain totally annonymous,i get picked on a little bit for my last name because its the color of my skin and i dont mind,i find it funny and make jokes of it myself,but thats about as far as it goes people respect me and i have many freinds.i dont do any drugs but i have smoken pot a few times,but im over that,wasnt that thrilling.currently i feel fine and hopeful again planning my life as usual.i like to think of my future because mostly everything else is boring.and thanks guys i really needed to talk with someone other then people i know because they're not on the same level of intelligence as me and dont have alot of compassion or atleast they seem that way.

You're welcome to talk here any time. I think things are getting better, if you say that you get these thoughts only twice in a few months now. Maybe it was a very stressful time when they started. Please talk to us if you're worried.

You're welcome, angry and empty. How on Earth are we going to get you to change your name to 'happy and full' though? You can get there eventually, once you get through all of this crap that is currently happening. Anyway, you said that you like talking about your future, right? Why not tell us what you intend to do. You know what, actually, looking to the future constantly is the best approach to have, because lingering on the past is what drags us back.

Kevin

thanks again, I originally planned to be a Navy SEAL but now it seems farther and farther away because my asthma is getting worse,I think thats one reason i get these thoughts.It just looks so bleak sometimes,but i am planning to join the military to fight and help pay for college.In college im going to take psych classes and law,hopefully ill get a doctrate so I can have private practices,it seems more inviting and safer.But my top dream is to become the president,it seems far fetched but ill figure it out.

Bad news though, last night i realized i've been having these feelings alot longer then im aware of, I can recall them in earlier life, around 6th grade and maybe younger I have to think a little harder about it.

Is this considered chronic depression?Because my uncle suffers from depression.

Heya chief,

The term 'chronic depression' isn't used too much, but - yeh - you might have the genes that make you susceptible to depression, more-so than other people. By the way, would the army let you join with Asthma? (Considering how stretched they currently are, they probably would!) Anyway, postpone the military option for the time being. Do you really want to be in a battlefield shooting at a guy that has never hurt you in your life? Wars are between the leaders of countries, and their pawns are the soldiers.

Kevin

as far as my docter can tell,its not physically induced asthma but if it gets worse it could be.And the military is the only way i can get into college, unless i get a scholoship, witch with my luck doesn't look very possible

Do they advertise the military like that over there? I mean, do they say that it's a good way to get into college? I have heard that this is true and, if it is, I am quite shocked by it. Don't you think that's just wrong? People risk their lives by joining the US military, because your nation is invariably in one or more conflicts around the world at any one time.

Here, college education is currently free.

Kevin