Advice please

Hello everyone,

I'm CareFriend and I have 22 years old. Recently I have discovered one of my best friends is going to die. It might sound silly for some of you, but I have met him over the Internet and we became very close, he's like a parent to me, like a brother and like a friend.

I knew recently he had some heart problems and went to hospital but haven't expected for such a bad news. He is very optimistic saying he had a very good life (which is true) and now he is ready to face all that might come. The thing is I'm not ready, i'm upset and angry i can't do anything .... I don't know how to react and don't know what to say to him. It was a shock for me to find out and still is ... can't stop crying at the thought I might lose him.

What can I do? I would go visit him but unfortunately i don't have enough resources. How should I act? What can I say to him? I'm not sure if sharing all my bad feelings with him would help any of us, but I can't be optimistic also. So should I hide them away? Does it have to hurt so badly?

Thank you in advance for all your responses.

Hi Carefriend,

I'm so sorry to hear this. As my only friend, is a wonderful guy I met 6 years ago in another MH forum. I can only for a moment, stop and walk a mile in your shoes, and it hurts. What would I do? God forbid, but if and when this does happen, as it probably will for us too, as we have a lifetime committment friendship that has sustained many issues and ailments, I could only be grateful for the gift of his time and friendship advice and love/.

I would be there for him, and show my fear and sadness gently, as he would want to know that I sincerely care and am sad. A shared burden is half a burden.

Tho your road is hard ahead, it is a choice we must face when we make friends .............. tho at the time we give it no thought and take life for granted so many of the times.

Be there for your buddy, for he is lonely I'm sure and scared. As I'm sure you are right now.

I can only cry for you both, as the days pass, but don't give up hope. And make everyday count and remember what he has given you always,

Also thank you for the wonderful PM today, I really needed your kind words and will respond to you thru your PM shortley.

(((gentle hugs of hope))) to you and your friend.

In dedication to your friendship:

Reasons, Seasons & Lifetimes







People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, this is to help you know exactly what to do.



When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.



Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.



When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.



LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.



Thank you for being a part of my life...





~Author Unknown~

Thank you very much for your support ddeehopes, it really means a lot to me. I am very down right now and only thing I can do is cry. Surprisingly he is much more optimistic than I am. He said it's all ok and will take it as a challenge to win.

It's all so of a sudden to me and had so many plans ... I know this time is coming for all of us at a certain moment but it's too hard taking into consideration that I still think he's too young to go ... as I said he means a lot to me ... when my parents can't be here for me he is, when my friends let me down he didn't and whenever i needed an advice or someone to laugh with he was there for me .... I always had something to learn from this wonderful person.

It's hard for me to let him go, I think that could happen too soon and I'll never be prepared for a shock like this. I'm just too stubborn to let him go and would never get used to the idea.

I never dealed with losing someone dear since my grandmother died and i was very little back then, didn't really knew what is going on. I'm afraid of not have a break down even thought I have my boyfriend (and now you, thank you so much) supporting me aswell, but who is also affected by what is happening. They both are the most significant persons in my life.

I now have exams but can't concentrate on anything, i even cross the street with my mind being elsewhere ... I'm afraid of what might happen without him, I'm angry at the thought of not being capable to help him and i feel useless.

I'm here for him no matter what and am sure he knows how much i care. He said he'll come soon talk to me and I'll be sure to remind him how great friend he is and how much he means to me. I'll try to be as strong as i can only to encourage him. But somehow I'm afraid to talk to him, I'm afraid of not saying something that might be wrong understood or something that might make him suffer.

And it's so hard to have such a distance between us, maybe i would have been able to help him a little more by being there not only with my mind and soul. I'm not sure right now what would have been good or bad ... i just feel like crying all the time and even if tears don't run down to my face all the time I cry on the inside.

I wanted you to know I am praying for your friend.

And to thank you also for being so supportive here, and for the signature for the forums. I wanted your permission before using it.

Thank you again for your support .... these days were a little better trying to be busy all the time by learning and not thinking about the future. The thing is I avoided anything related to the forum where I've met my friend.

I don't know, I was too scare to talk, too frightened and unsecure about what should I do or say ... been on the edge of a precipice and fall down for a couple of time .... fortunately most of times my boyfriend was there to catch me.

I think today will be the day in which I'll finally speak to him and I'm afraid of what he might say or do ... cause it already hurts so much, just cleared a little my thoughts and I'm sure all will come back. But I'll try to be strong for him and encourage as much as I can. It's best possbile thing i can do and think i can do now.

Thank you again for the lovely picture and because you care for a total stranger that you haven't even met.

Hey there,

first let me say, I love the pair of avator and signature together today, it's awesome.

Now, I want you to understand that the reason I do care is that I have been there, and not too long ago with my best friend's, roommate. they found a tumour in his head. Well G, I'll call him and I had become very good friends, he had been my best friends roommate for years off and on, and was always around.

When we got the news, it was devestating. I hit the floor. I had been in nursing for years and been around alot of death. I was more traumatized than I thought by it too. You never get used to it, it never gets easy. Every patient, or resident is like your second family.

Sitting with these families for years watching their loved ones pass, with cancer or another terminal illness was .........so saddening,.........so depressing too. As that may sound selfish, but true deep inside.

I left nursing because of it.

So......now here I am. This is my first time to lose a friend to it. A close friend anyway at the time. I froze, I didn't know what to do or what to say. I avoided him. I couldn't call......I couldn't go by... I couldn't find the strength I needed to give him hope and strength, how could I ? I dare I live on. Awkward isn't even appropriate for how I felt or acted.

One day, the phone rang. It was him. He called to say..........Goodbye.

That sounds just like I thought. And that is how I felt, when he told me the reason for his call. To say Goodbye. I stuttered and said, what? What do you mean goodbye?
He replied, "I'm moving back to California to be with my family, and I am leaving tomorrow and probably won't see you again. ". Well I hit the floor. Knees first. What do I say? Ah, ah, .......

Yes, I was in your shoes at that moment.

He left, and passed on in a month. I never saw him again, and always regretted that " ah ah " response on the phone. My speechlessness was ...all I knew to do.

I don't want you to have that same regret. I am so glad tho that he picked up the phone and called me, even to say Goodbye, now thata I look back, was an honor.

My best friend , his roommate, od'd 3 mo later.

Death, is always with us. It's what is going to eventually happen to all of us. We just don't want to talk about it. Truely,we don't.
It's not our nature to talk about it.
And since you can't go there, that is all that is left for you hon is to be in the most uncomfortable seat, to talk about it. It is natural for you to avoid it. who wouldn't?

I try to put myself back in that situation, for understanding. And put my new friend in your shoes with how I feel. I would do the same thing. But I would regret it. And I would live with that. How could I do that? Knowing what I do? I can't.......so I wanted to give this to God. That is all that is left Carefriend. Is your higher power. Your hope and faith. That something maraculous might happen to save him? That you might decide to go there and meet him. Even as he is passing. Whatever God has for you. I hope that it is calming to you....and to your friend.

I'm not a highly religous woman, and I may someday regret that too, but there are and have been times in my life, there was no one else to go to. And I would go to the chapel at the hospital and pray . Pray for strength, or wisdom of what to do. What to say.

And he has always been there since. I since have lost 2 aunts to longterm illness at which I was at their sides. I stood strong. And realized I'm not the one dying. I'm lucky..... For now.

But when my time comes, what do I need? I need what I gave my aunts. To have my loved ones there. To surround me with love and hope. Cuz I'm gonna be afraid. More afraid than ever. Because to me, nothing is scarier than death, the unknown, the ending.

That is why I care. And if I can't be there for someone who is dying, I can maybe share my story with you and you can make one person stronger. Not so afraid. I felt you so much in your letter. I had been there, and maybe again. Maybe i'll learn from you too.
and ,

As life goes on maybe death will be more natural to me.

I see my in laws going to funerals all the time. And it's nothing to them. They are in their 70's. I ask them how they can do it. They told me that "when we leave it should never be bad. It should be glorious". Now that's a word I want to hang on to.

That is also the story behind ddeeHOPES. I do, I hope everyday.
And today I hope for you. And for your friend.

Gentle hugs.
ddee