love is..

When i feel always down, what keeps me going strong is knowiing it can rain many days, but sun is somewhere, it is only matter of time to feel it is warmth. But recently my heart is going cold.Do not know if any sun will be enough to warm it again.Since I was a child, as an abandoned child, there were many games, decisions around me, not knowing whats going on i was another happy preety baby to all. A prized possesion maybe..My parents were good to me, never abused me but i always felt something is missing, something is not just right in the picture, but as a child how much i can reason??till i find out when i was teenager that i was found in a hospital room, just like that..some people took me home illegaly was returned and government officials wife had no babies so they adopted me..My strong headed mon and me had 4o years difference..although she is polite, we culd not connect very closely...As a lone child, i grew up with mostly animals which i was blessed which made me very kind to others and also thought me good values about life in the most natural and direct manner..

Bu i grew up to be a pleaser..I had to be that perfect girl, no mistakes are allowed...i had to be perfect...but what hurt me the most when my mother joined others when they were critisining me and sometimes agrreing with them...for her i was only child. But not just only growing up withouth my mothers smell made me very incesure, only person i could look upto also letme down..it was so hard to get respect specially when your mother puts you down with a stranger..she did not realize how i felt inside...

well, i grew up to be pleaser, true, but later years my kindness in my heart grew more..When i see some crying face, i felt obligated to take them out for dinner, or just do soemthing. I was determined to see happy faces...(like my mother smiled and happy when i pleased her) but this time it was my wish...sometimes this went too far, when i gave up my job for someone who was about to let go, thinking i have no children, no responsibilities, he had mortgage and child and huge hospitall bills from his childs birth and wife does not work...i left the job so he can take it..when it is heard in the office i was claimed by some she is more man than me, but mostly how stupid i could get...why?? then i thought would i do same thing if it happened again..my answer was yes i would..so i was ok...i had no regrets doing it..and pleasing people also brought me huge credit card bills...i am still trying to pay them after years..but not easy..

recently, i have this feelings, i forgot the feeling of love..i forgot how to love, although still feel i have so much to give, ...This reminds me a chinese story..
a snake and a scoprion meets in front of a river, both must go accross, but scoprion cannot swim, he approaches to snake if u help to me go accross , i promise to you i will never sting you again...snake with hesitation accepts, when they come in the middle of the river, scorpion stings the snake...both dying in the the middle of the river, snake asks.??why did you sting me you promised me..scoprion replies, yes i am sorry, but this is my nature, my nature is about to sting..I could not help..

that tells me if our nature is to love, no matter what it is there..we carry it within us, right now, i feel tired, but never regret living the life feeling the love..

please treat this precious feeling with care...it is not ideas, it is not made of stories or plans...it is the positive power going through our hearts..thats the power we call love..do not block it, change it, discet it...just let it flow though your hearts...and learn to appreciate kindness which is traces of love left behind as gift.
do not belittle people, or look at down when they do things differently, appreciate the difference. Noone should be treated with disrespect regardless how they present themselves..love is to accept not to own..to feel not to discover...

peace and love to all...
goodnight

nice chinnese story. i agree with your love statments. there are many diffrent kinds of love like family marraige and friends.
Star112 you need to live for your self. try not to please others please your self do what you want. the people around you will be with you for the moment but you are with yourself forever. i know its hard to follow this advice, its hared for me at least, but hopefylly it will help you