mm?

jm, i read that happiness is something that can really influence a person,
like reduce her stress, etc
but simple pleasures do not have such power....

and i also read that males often do not know how to exactly make women happy,
unlike males who directly express emotion/simple
females are so complicated, they use indirect way of communication
so man think, the woman is happy cuz she is smiling and later when woman starts to complain,
he gets confused...
and the thing is hpds are even more complicated than normal women
totally ironic

how would be a woman, be able to maintain relationship with a man who doesn't understand her feelings all the time?
it sometimes happen to me, when the man is innocently smiling/satisfied etc when i am all...
super annoyed etc etc inside
those times which i feel a great gap between us
usually is this... threshold of start of devaluing period


think about it, hpds, do you remember since when did you start this devaluing thing?!

i came up with this topic because i realized it's really easy to make a man happy. or long enough pleasure

sexuality+compliment+talking about his interests

then he smiles, seems quite genuinely happy,

but can a man make me happy? i tell you the attempt fails 98% of the time

compliment->annoys me. if some stranger compliments me, it might work but if my bf compliments me, it makes me angry. he is lying, it is rare which he can find something appropriate to tell me

talking about my interests -> it just makes the relationship to be more distant,
he can't understand me, he can't understand my needs, he basically don't understand anything about me! you know it's so important for women to be understood, their emotions should be understood+ empathized etc...

presents -> work for short time, but just short time literally.


i heard that happiness related to sense of relief/security somehow
and you know what a hpd is basically looking for is THAT in my opinion
why would a hpd need attention? you can't eat it, but attention means some sort of security,
for a child, having no attention of parents means, her life is in danger
so she tries to get the attention, of father who'd protect her from abusive mother
or vice versa, attention and admiration gives her the feeling of security

and ANY kind of relationship with a man, doesn't give her feeling of security
so she just ... leave to find more security->happiness to herself

i think relationship with narc is actually safer than relationship with non
bc narc NEEDs you for his narcissistic supply

i'm a sociopath and ofc not a neurotypical
someone like you i disarm and when you notice your tricks don't work on me you can let go of you offenses than defenses.
unless ofc you get bored and go look for someone els
only met one girle i suspected of being hpd and that worked on here

Orion, about some of the things you wrote, there is some sense in there.
edit: I can look through your post later and try to give you a level-headed reply if you like, when I'm ready.

As someone who might be possible to dx with a cluster B disorder, I haven't had trouble personally (at a realistic pace,) digging for my own fear and pain because I'm not afraid to look for it, but when I find it what I find is generally very dark. It also isn't possible so far for me to build a therapeutic relationship with any therapist, because to the best of my knowledge my problems are based more in total failure of attachment than in insecure attachment of any sort.

I sometimes find it hard to reply (consumed by anger,) and take offense when others try to insinuate that i might have a disorder like HPD, (e.g. if I thought you were trying to suggest that I'd feel like I want to attack you.) basically because I have a problem with the stereoped female HPD etc, for the simple reason that I have a problem with my own mother, and therefore have a problem with other women, or what my perception of other women is to an extent. Its not as bad as it was a few years ago since I've done some thinking, but its still there. I'm lucky I'm not a lesbian or a straight man or my relationships would be a mess on my account if i had any.

That feels better. Disclosure and explanation rather than rage, but for that I had to accept the exact nature of how negative my family relations really are, which means admitting defeat and victimization.

Hi Katana

Like you suggested I think many HPD's also have attatchment problems with their Moms...if I recall correctly Monroe mistrusted the several maternal figures in her life, and opted instead for male identification, albeit through the classic bubbly girly-girl HPD persona.

But not saying you are HPD...although similar things happen to people different results are produced, environmental experience being run through our different psycho-biological substrates.

madjoe wrote:i'm a sociopath and ofc not a neurotypical
someone like you i disarm and when you notice your tricks don't work on me you can let go of you offenses than defenses.
unless ofc you get bored and go look for someone els
only met one girle i suspected of being hpd and that worked on here

Edit:
Rather not get banned, get on ASPD.

yYyYy wrote:
how would be a woman, be able to maintain relationship with a man who doesn't understand her feelings all the time?
it sometimes happen to me, when the man is innocently smiling/satisfied etc when i am all...
super annoyed etc etc inside
those times which i feel a great gap between us
usually is this... threshold of start of devaluing period


think about it, hpds, do you remember since when did you start this devaluing thing?!

OMG, YES! YES! YES! That is exactly how it goes. How can I be with someone who doesn't understand me, that I have to act with, and doesn't even know when I'm acting?

That was the beginning of the end of my last relationship. I felt so lonely even though I had a boyfriend....

Of course. Happiness isn't a final conclusion as in "happily ever after".

"Happy" is a fleeting emotion like anger, sadness, nervous.

People can make each other happy. Just like people can make each other angry, sad or nervous.

There is way too much emphasis put on being "happy".

(I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thread, so I may have missed the point. Sorry if I made someone annoyed.)

Atrium wrote about "happy ever after..."
Happy ever after is really better described as ecstatic, full of bubbly joy.
Non people also call this the honeymoon phase...maybe up two 2 years after getting married, when you want to be with your other. Romantic love, eros, etc. Of course its an important period. But as the fires bank couples move into different phases of love, states more subdued but deeper.
A different hue of 'happiness.'

What yYyYy desribed I have seen in a facial expression of the probable HPD I know...an unexpected fearful look akin to a cornered wild animal. I dont know the thoughts behind the expression...I assumed it was a transferance or projection of hate for some unkown person...maybe a male abuser?

Atrium wrote:Of course. Happiness isn't a final conclusion as in "happily ever after".

"Happy" is a fleeting emotion like anger, sadness, nervous.

People can make each other happy. Just like people can make each other angry, sad or nervous.

There is way too much emphasis put on being "happy".

(I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thread, so I may have missed the point. Sorry if I made someone annoyed.)

Great answer! Finally someone who answered the question! Everyone else was reading so much into it that the answers got really long and wordy and...... ooo look something shiny!