Can someone explain to me Passive Aggressive HPD

Would someone please illustrate, describe what the Passive Aggressive HPD is like. With examples of behavior, symptoms, etc.

I've realized that I attract HPD women in my life as friends and I am trying to understand why and to recognize the signs and my role in this pattern.

The PA sub group is the only one I can't find a lot of info on. The other sub groups are more obvious.

I would appreciate the help thanks.

Atrium wrote:Would someone please illustrate, describe what the Passive Aggressive HPD is like. With examples of behavior, symptoms, etc.

I've realized that I attract HPD women in my life as friends and I am trying to understand why and to recognize the signs and my role in this pattern.

The PA sub group is the only one I can't find a lot of info on. The other sub groups are more obvious.

I would appreciate the help thanks.

You probably have a personality disorder if they lots clatch onto you.
The only question left to answer is:
Are you prey or predator?

you know what?
I know something you'd like to know about it
but you know what?
it's hard for hpds to 'explain'

*nods*

yYyYy wrote:you know what?
I know something you'd like to know about it
but you know what?
it's hard for hpds to 'explain'

*nods*

A perfect example.

>At first she offers a calling card, bait if you will, to see if you will reply and validate her attention seeking behavioral patterns.
>Secondly she makes an excuse and uses any medium within her vicinity to shift the blame (although it is to self, she is blaming it on an disorder, an unaware HPD would blame it on another person to make them feel 'bad' or 'its just how I am' possibly, it depends on the situation).
>Thirdly, the nodding part, expect not a smirk, but a 'come get me' half drawn out smile with an innocent little face.

Passive-aggressive HPD.

I really want to explain somehow, but I can't organize my vague ideas
no matter how many people ask me to explain, I won't be able to do it.
the best source about Passive Aggressive HPD is in Emotional vampires book in my opinion...

yYyYy wrote:I really want to explain somehow, but I can't organize my vague ideas
no matter how many people ask me to explain, I won't be able to do it.
the best source about Passive Aggressive HPD is in Emotional vampires book in my opinion...

Post the vague ideas and i'll link em up for ya.

Suggest reading this book -

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brain ... ing11.html

http://counsellingresource.com/features ... rsonality/

" In Sheep's Clothing" By George K. Simon

Though the author makes a distinction between passive and covert aggression, it only matters so much to the person being manipulated.

Short version (or at least what I took from the book) -

Not that overt aggression is really any better, but it's easier to deal with because it's out in the open. The aggressor cannot deny their intent, and the victim (lacking a better word) is less likely to feel guilty for how they feel in response.

For the very same reasons some people hide their aggressive wants behind passive/covert approaches. They are more likely to receive sympathy from their victims, and are able to deny their intent, not just to the victim, but to themselves as well (i.e., no guilt, no remorse). It makes it very hard to deal with someone who is being aggressive, but sees themselves as having nothing but the best of intentions or as victims themselves.

If you're attracting passive/covert aggressive types in your life, there is a good chance that you are doing what I do (and am trying to work on). I was feeling a neurotic level of guilt/responsibility. I had a core belief that to be loved I had to be appeasing to the passive/covert aggressive people in my life. That book really helped me to see things in a new light. To see aggression for what it is, and why it is hidden. I strongly recommend reading it.

From a practical point of view what I learned is that the only way to effectively deal with passive/covert aggression? To deal with it the same as one would deal with overt aggression. Getting the cover-up out into the open is essential. Until that's done everything else said/done in response is just a rat hole of BS

Best wishes,

X

xdude wrote: I was feeling a neurotic level of guilt/responsibility. I had a core belief that to be loved I had to be appeasing to the passive/covert aggressive people in my life.

X

My mother would stop talking to me for days when I was a child bc I did something or said something she didn't like. I would have to be the one to break the silence by apologizing and/buying her a gift with my birthday money. My older sister (7 years older) would stop talking to me too. She would devalue me--she is outwardly aggressive. My younger sister is cold and always the victim, she's never wrong, etc. She is very passive aggressive while being the victim.

I was the pleaser, the glue that keep the family together. The go to person, the scapegoat, the douche. (not anymore) My mother died. I made the choice of no contact with my older sister and younger sister.

I do have some social anxiety. I sometimes feel like everyone hates me. And I prefer men more than women. I don't trust women. But despite that I'm actually in one of the happiest times in my life and I am trying to protect it by understanding my weakness and patterns. And work on any left over issues.

WHile I grew up with passive aggressive and aggressive, I actually attract the drama HP for friends probably because they seemed different than my mom and sisters. But now I see it's all the same just a different approach.

Thank you everyone. The examples from yyyyy and finite were helpful too. I had to think a little bit harder about it tho. But that's not a bad thing. : )

Atrium wrote:

xdude wrote: I was feeling a neurotic level of guilt/responsibility. I had a core belief that to be loved I had to be appeasing to the passive/covert aggressive people in my life.

X

My mother would stop talking to me for days when I was a child bc I did something or said something she didn't like. I would have to be the one to break the silence by apologizing and/buying her a gift with my birthday money. ...

I was the pleaser, the glue that keep the family together. The go to person, the scapegoat, the douche. (not anymore) My mother died. I made the choice of no contact with my older sister and younger sister. ...

There you go. Nailed it I can in part relate because I also had to play the role of parent to my parent, but it wasn't quite as extreme as what you're describing.

Okay a few more thoughts, and I realize they are only words at this point, but maybe in time it will help.

The hardest thing for us to do, but it is necessary, is to be willing to take the risk that the passive/covert aggressive person in our life might just say 'see ya!' and abandon us. It's the big Ace of Spades that the passive/covert holds over a victim, sort of.

When/if we take that Ace card away from them, take back our power over the situation, risk that yes they might just leave, it changes everything. The thing is though that just as often passive/covert types scurry off temporarily, a manipulative maneuver, on another level many appreciate that someone is finally confronting them. Often passive/aggressive types have their own abandonment issues, they've just hidden it behind more self-centered, and sometimes ruthless approach to life.

xdude wrote:

Atrium wrote:

xdude wrote:

There you go. Nailed it I can in part relate because I also had to play the role of parent to my parent, but it wasn't quite as extreme as what you're describing.

Okay a few more thoughts, and I realize they are only words at this point, but maybe in time it will help.

The hardest thing for us to do, but it is necessary, is to be willing to take the risk that the passive/covert aggressive person in our life might just say 'see ya!' and abandon us. It's the big Ace of Spades that the passive/covert holds over a victim, sort of.

When/if we take that Ace card away from them, take back our power over the situation, risk that yes they might just leave, it changes everything. The thing is though that just as often passive/covert types scurry off temporarily, a manipulative maneuver, on another level many appreciate that someone is finally confronting them. Often passive/aggressive types have their own abandonment issues, they've just hidden it behind more self-centered, and sometimes ruthless approach to life.

I think you're right. Thank you for all your help.