Does my friend have histrionic personality disorder?

I'll call her Jane.
I'm not friends with her anymore but I'm trying to understand with went wrong and I'm worried about her after some thinking.

She fights with me a lot but doesn't mind, calls me a lot, jumps on the bandwagon easily to gain approval from the guys she crushes on. She extremely emotional, and she has anxiety issues it seems.She doesn't take criticism in stride.
Yet only a person close to her would notice, her social skills aren't typically bad.

That doesn't sound so bad.. but if you keep reading...

Why would she acknowledge that the friendship contains a huge tendency to fight, and react so hostile to the suggestion of hanging out with more outgoing people? Jane said I was starting to take out the positivity in her life after I became more firm, (but still civil) by explaining this logic to her.

One of these things we fought about was how she loved to trip me, and pinch me but wouldn't let me do it back to her. Others were about how my other friends sucked, I wasn't there enough for her even though I went to her doctors appointment for moral support the week before.

I have many reasons (some given by our friends) to believe that she likes the drama, her not minding the heated fighting is just one of them. In fact, after describing her thoroughly, some people in the psychology section somewhere else said it's her way to indicate whether her life is interesting or not. When she fights with someone, she tells quite a lot of people, but not her crushes. She tries to invite me to hangout and leaves out that a guy that I had a falling out with would be coming along too. She knows there's a lot of tension but she tries to get me and that guy in the same place.

I have made her indulge in smoking after one of our fights once, but she usually smokes when someone does piss her off. We fought because I wasn't willing to hangout with her. I was tired of her ditching me for other friends. She ditched me for a large crowd of people once. When she didn't have fun, she kept calling me until I picked up to tell me how she didn't have a good time with that crowd. She sometimes ditched a friend to hangout with me (of course I wasn't aware right away), so whoever was cooler at the time won her attention.

As our friends and I have noticed, she was really clingy and possessive to me. Called me relentlessly everyday even after she heard my objections and noticed that I was ignoring all her calls. Finally she stopped, but it took over a year. She said she would only stop talking to me if I starting liking girls; but I always found that Jane liked being around me too much for comfort.

I have heard two different people complain about her excessive calling since we stopped hanging out. One of them says she doesn't have it as bad as I did because Jane was more attached to me.

She always talked very ill of my friends without even making eye contact with them or hearing them talk.

She once told me how she hung up on her friend from out of town, "YOU'RE TOO BUSY TOO HANG OUT WITH ME? WELL I SEE YOU HAVING FUN WITH FRIENDS ON YOUR FACEBOOK." "Jane wait I-" "NO!" But they're still friends.

Jane also throws fits when I'm doing homework while she's talking; even if it's about how she was bored all day.This happened more than once.

She is friends with some of my family too. She hates it when we speak or native language around her and orders us not to.

I don't think that many people notice, because I'm probably the biggest recipient of her behavior. She definitely mellows down a lot around guys, except for the ones who are gay. She always told me when she liked a guy, so I started to count. During the first year I've known her, six. These guys don't even flirt with her. So I often I asked her why: "Why? You..barely know or talk to this guy"

She told me about how she has cheated on her boyfriends. The way she talked about it, made her seem that it was easy for her.

I'm worried for her if she does have this problem.
I'm not saying I left her because she has HPD, I'm wondering if she does have it so I'll understand why we had some many problems in our friendship and reach out to her.

You sound like a boring person to be honest, do you really have a question or are you just detaching and here ruminating on your thoughts?

To be frank, it sounds like your friend doesn't have HPD ~ not that one could do a diagnosis online to begin with. - if you were really curious and you thought your friend would do it, you could ask her to go and get a psych evaluation though and settle the subject matter. a broad screening one would screen for all types of personality disorders.

- Labor.

It is a serious question.
I'm sorry if I offended you.

I don't think every bad friend calls for a evaluation, but I found her behavior peculiar. I can't just recommend a psych evaluation to her if I'm the only one that thinks she has it, I would risk offending her. That's why I came here. Of course I'm not expecting some 70% accurate diagnosis, I don't expect replies from professionals. If enough people who are familiar with HPD thinks she has it then I would suggest an evaluation.

But if you think that she doesn't have then good, thank you I appreciate it a lot. I don't care if I look like an idiot on here as long as she's okay.

Ruci wrote:It is a serious question.
I'm sorry if I offended you.

I don't think every bad friend calls for a evaluation, but I found her behavior peculiar. I can't just recommend a psych evaluation to her if I'm the only one that thinks she has it, I would risk offending her. That's why I came here. Of course I'm not expecting some 70% accurate diagnosis, I don't expect replies from professionals. If enough people who are familiar with HPD thinks she has it then I would suggest an evaluation.

But if you think that she doesn't have then good, thank you I appreciate it a lot. I don't care if I look like an idiot on here as long as she's okay.

You didn't offend me, and I didn't imply that your stupid not by a long shot. But, I don't feel as though your very supportive of your friend? - and it seems to express as boring on the outside.

as a side note, I am diagnosed HPD, 26 and male. Not that I am 100% sure that should affect your judgement too much but... it still stands you couldn't really get a diagnosis over the internet... you would have spend quite a bit of time posting her exact behavior patterns up and having people's opinions on them, and even than, these are "non-qualified" opinions if that makes sense.... ?

I've been here long enough to see lots of people come in expecting there friend to be diagnosed and came out of the psychologist's office with the diagnosis themself and the friend to be the "ordered" one. It just isn't as linear and applicable as you would think ~ you can give an HPD a lot of "effective mental tools" for dealing with the world and let them loose and they will thrive. but if you starve a non they will fail, does that make sense?

- Labor.

Ruci wrote:I'll call her Jane.
I'm not friends with her anymore but I'm trying to understand with went wrong and I'm worried about her after some thinking.

She fights with me a lot but doesn't mind, calls me a lot, jumps on the bandwagon easily to gain approval from the guys she crushes on. She extremely emotional, and she has anxiety issues it seems.She doesn't take criticism in stride.

Have you tried giving it to her to see how she reacts?

Ruci wrote:Why would she acknowledge that the friendship contains a huge tendency to fight, and react so hostile to the suggestion of hanging out with more outgoing people? Jane said I was starting to take out the positivity in her life after I became more firm, (but still civil) by explaining this logic to her.

This sentence didn't make sense ~ was it a question mark, or a period you meant? - following that, did you ask her why or explain to her//show her how it isn't?

Ruci wrote:One of these things we fought about was how she loved to trip me, and pinch me but wouldn't let me do it back to her. Others were about how my other friends sucked, I wasn't there enough for her even though I went to her doctors appointment for moral support the week before.

Mmm... this sounds normal too me to show up to a doctor's appointment. My friends do it for me and I can be called on to do it for them at random. = maybe your "other" friends do suck? - serious.

Ruci wrote:I have many reasons (some given by our friends) to believe that she likes the drama, her not minding the heated fighting is just one of them. In fact, after describing her thoroughly, some people in the psychology section somewhere else said it's her way to indicate whether her life is interesting or not. When she fights with someone, she tells quite a lot of people, but not her crushes. She tries to invite me to hangout and leaves out that a guy that I had a falling out with would be coming along too. She knows there's a lot of tension but she tries to get me and that guy in the same place.

ask her why.

Ruci wrote:I have made her indulge in smoking after one of our fights once, but she usually smokes when someone does piss her off. We fought because I wasn't willing to hangout with her. I was tired of her ditching me for other friends. She ditched me for a large crowd of people once. When she didn't have fun, she kept calling me until I picked up to tell me how she didn't have a good time with that crowd. She sometimes ditched a friend to hangout with me (of course I wasn't aware right away), so whoever was cooler at the time won her attention.

Meh... "se la vid" ~ italian for "such is life". ie it happens? seem pretty typical to me though, maybe she had various reasons for ditching you or her other friends... or maybe she just needed a break from life? these things happen, she could be under a 101 influences your not aware of? ~ it's just a thought...

btw, why did you make her smoke? ~ ew!

Ruci wrote:As our friends and I have noticed, she was really clingy and possessive to me. Called me relentlessly everyday even after she heard my objections and noticed that I was ignoring all her calls. Finally she stopped, but it took over a year. She said she would only stop talking to me if I starting liking girls; but I always found that Jane liked being around me too much for comfort.

Is she lesbian, or are you really not very feminine and she is just concerned for you? ~ If it's the latter, you could tell her you appreciate that she is concerned for you on a deeper level than just how to flirt with the opposite sex, but that you have other//bigger issues your more concerned with in your life at the moment?

Ruci wrote:I have heard two different people complain about her excessive calling since we stopped hanging out. One of them says she doesn't have it as bad as I did because Jane was more attached to me.

She always talked very ill of my friends without even making eye contact with them or hearing them talk.

Hm... the not stopping talking to thing... that MAY BE HPD. Or that may also be "non-disordered" behavior too. I've seen ex-bf's of girls I've dated in the past that would still bother them years into a fully committed relationship... you seem to assign "alot of meaning" to what I would call "little comments", in my not so humble opinion. which is "ok", but you have let your friend know how it affects her and you have to fight for your ground so she knows that your "serious" about it!

Ruci wrote:She once told me how she hung up on her friend from out of town, "YOU'RE TOO BUSY TOO HANG OUT WITH ME? WELL I SEE YOU HAVING FUN WITH FRIENDS ON YOUR FACEBOOK." "Jane wait I-" "NO!" But they're still friends.

does this strike you as abnormal that people fight?

Ruci wrote:Jane also throws fits when I'm doing homework while she's talking; even if it's about how she was bored all day.This happened more than once.

Hmm... I would try go after the specific behavior here in and of itself. as my mother always told me "you have to learn to: 'pick and choose' your battles." This kind of thing could easily be indicative of global level behaviors... but I think I might telling and putting "emphasis" or "assigning meaning" to the specific behavior pattern here. and letter her know that if she cared about you as a friend she would stop it. and I think most people would consider that fair, as your homework is probably fairly important.

Ruci wrote:She is friends with some of my family too. She hates it when we speak or native language around her and orders us not to.

... seems like common courtesy to me. are you sure she "hates it" though, as opposed to just finds herself "feeling left out"?

Ruci wrote:I don't think that many people notice, because I'm probably the biggest recipient of her behavior. She definitely mellows down a lot around guys, except for the ones who are gay. She always told me when she liked a guy, so I started to count. During the first year I've known her, six. These guys don't even flirt with her. So I often I asked her why: "Why? You..barely know or talk to this guy"

who knows the whims of the wind? ~ there is no "why" to "liking" someone "like that"!

Ruci wrote:She told me about how she has cheated on her boyfriends. The way she talked about it, made her seem that it was easy for her.

should ask her why.

Ruci wrote:I'm worried for her if she does have this problem.
I'm not saying I left her because she has HPD, I'm wondering if she does have it so I'll understand why we had some many problems in our friendship and reach out to her.

try directing her to this thread?

- Labor.

You and your friend sound as if you are both very young, and personality disorders are not usually diagnosed until a person is well into adulthood, when the personality has become established. In any case, the board cannot diagnose. HPD is a complex disorder and its complexities extend beyond merely bad behaviour. Both the disordered and the non disordered can indulge in this kind of behaviour, and it may be that your friend has other issues happening.

It sounds as if there could be an element of bullying happening, particularly since your friend trips you up. This is certainly not acceptable behaviour. It is an assault and she could actually injure you by doing this.

My advice would be to simply drop this person as a friend as it doesn't sound as if she is good for you.

I never fought with my friends.

first HPDs don't admit that we have bad side in our personality
so we don't express anger

second

i let ppl to pinch me make fun of me etc
but i don't pinch them back or make fun of them

bc im too nice person as i mentioned above...

it is EXTREMELY difficult fo amaterus to discover HPDs

I appreciate the responses, especially from Labor.
@ labor: I don’t think she has it now but if you’re curious I'll try to answer your questions. Otherwise, don't even read. It's probably just a case of having a spoiled, needy friend. Everything quoted below is verbatim pretty much.

I am really wondering why she doesn’t think constant fighting is a legitimate reason to cease socializing with each other. Her reasoning puzzles me, for instance: One of the fights we had before was about how she kept bailing on me and our friends and right away she said, “ OH JUST BECAUSE I BAIL ON YOU GUYS YOU WON’T HANG OUT WITH ME ANYMORE?! FINE!” I have a vivid memory of it and so does the friend that I told; she thought it was hilarious because my ex-friend was the one who stormed off. Anyways, my ex-friend kept telling me how it wasn’t true however later that night when she called her other friend, that friend actually started to have the guts to tell her. So she apologized but started criticizing me too.

She said, “You’re just not there for me anymore!” and so I went, “…..I went with you to get your blood drawn at the hospital last week at 7am because you were scared.. oh and uh these past few months I agreed to babysit your nephew even though I didn’t want to.” And she just went quiet and apologized. So I thought she was demanding too much attention to even remember recent memories of me helping her out.

She didn’t have enough evidence to make a good judgment of my friends. I wanted to introduce her to them and she kept saying, “No…No!...no…..No! I don’t wanna.” so I literally grabbed her sleeve and dragged her to meet them. Those friends bowed and said hi (they’re foreigners). After they left, she went “I don’t like them. They’re stuck up.”
So the next time she met a friend of mine, Jordan on this online game match, I didn’t tell her right way and she got along with him great. When I finally did, she said: “Wait you two know each other?” The very next day , she kept picking on him; she made fun of his appearance after she told me she visited his facebook. "He looks likes girl...OOPS did I just let that slip?" and while I was sitting down at work she walked up to me at and said, "Your friend is really annoying you know that?!" and then stormed off.
Since she tends to crush on guys easily she really warmed up to him fast. "Hey, I was talking to him for a few hours last night." He came down to visit me and I kept it from her but I guess she visited his facebook. The day he came she was ignoring me until I called her out on her jealousy. Right away,She vehemently denied it and reverted back to her normal self.
When I was playing a game with Jordan online, she signed on and wouldn’t stop dissing the game we were playing. It was a game that she previously said she liked but she kept praising this other video game and putting down ours. Well she messaged me repeatedly about how her video game was better even though I was taking forever to reply; I was obviously busy before she signed on and I just wanted to ignore her. So she finally went: “Well fine. I’m signing off.”

Basically her overt jealousy makes me think that she wants me to have no friends other than her. Or maybe that time she didn't like me playing with him.

If I ask her if she likes the drama, she’s just going to deny it. The last time she invited me to hangout, she left out that she invited this one guy we worked with on purpose; she told me everyone else who was going and I was the last to be invited. She knows that guy and I aren’t on speaking terms. Starting two years ago, I kept turning him down and telling her that I wasn’t interested in him yet she kept encouraging him. She has even told me that he “really dislikes me”. Also, she openly admits to gossiping about my situation with that guy to others.
When it I think about it, it's manipulation.
There are other huge clues indicating her fantasy of living some kind of soap opera or like her favorite show, Jersey Shore, but that is the most recent one.

Yeah a lot of people ditch their friends, but our friends and I thought it was odd when my-exfriend reprimanded her friend for bailing on her when the former has a reputation of doing it so much. Again, it seems that she expects people to stick with plans that she is looking forward to while she is not obligated to do the same. To me, it's pretty self-centered of her.

She gets pissed off easily in comparison to others. There was a coworker who annoyed us for numerous reasons; those same reasons infuriated her causing her to cope with cigarettes after or during work. Basically He criticized and nagged all of us.
Sometime before that, our boss gave her two choices: keep showing up late (which was obvious to everyone) and be fired or start arriving on time. She was pissed and started to throw a fit when our boss went back into her office. I can't remember a time when she took criticism in stride.

After one of our fights, I told her that I have been keeping my anger from her because she tends to turn to smoking for stress relief. She continued to vehemently deny it, “That’s stupid! Why would I do that?! I’m quitting remember?!” Sometime before that she called me, and started yelling about how I made her cry. But the very next night she casually said, “Hey, guess what…I did smoke." She did it right before she followed me into the parking lot while I was walking to my car.

But a coworker of ours once said, "Smoking is gross I don't get why people do it." and she replied, "Yeaah. It's..It's nasty."

Lesbian? No idea. She’s very religious plus when she crushes on a guy, it’s obvious. It came up whenever I would be frustrated with dealing with guys and say that I rather be gay than straight. Her response every time: “If you ever start liking girls…….I’m not talking to you anymore.”

The excessive calling deal, You’re right, it could be non-disorder. But I would be surprised if I meet a person who calls as much as her.

She called me before work, then I'd see and talk to her there, talk to her in the parking lot after for an hour, and later in the night she would call me; this happened almost every single day. I asked her to stop and eventually started ignoring her calls when she wouldn't comply. Wish I was exaggerating.

When the ex-friend started calling our friend more, the latter seemed to tolerate it. However, one day when I was playing on our friend’s phone, the ex-friend sent two text messages about five minutes apart. I told my friend, “Oh she sent you some messages, I’m almost done playing.” Soon after she sent the second one she started calling. So it seemed impatient on her part. When I handed the ringing phone to our friend, she just stared at me and said “……….Dude not now..” Then she later groaned and I told her she didn’t have to return the call but she said, “Yeaaaaah but it’s the right thing to do.”

That fight she had with her friend from out of town just seemed controlling and demanding to me.

She proudly speaks her native language and even offers to teach us so I thought maybe she was being a hypocrite because she feels that she is the only one allowed to display her bilingual ability. But yeah I think it is mostly her feeling left out.
We don’t speak Chinese to each other for very long, just a few sentences but it really bothers my ex friend. She did keep telling me to speak Chinese because she found that I sounded funny; as long as I wasn’t conversing with someone else in it she felt okay.

I thought her possessive nature towards me and her frequency of developing feelings for guys easily was an attachment or some attention-craving problem. When she talked about cheating, she said it with a smile (no joke) and those guys really seemed to like her, one even cried over her. But she hates her ex for cheating on her which made her indulge in food and gain a lot of weight. Again, hypocritical.

I don't even want to get started on the list of her lies, it's so easy to catch her plus she does it so much which might explains why she can't keep up with them.

I don't think she has it now. I came across HPD not long after I broke things off with this friend and I thought her behavior resembled many of the symptoms. I thought, "Oh gawd, if she does have it maybe it’s why she and I couldn't get along, also that she didn't have much friends when I first met her..I feel bad now". So I thought I should check with people who are familiar with HPD first before I confront her.

She's insecure about her figure right and she doesn't seem to be all over guys like she used to be.

I was guilty over nothing and I won't even suggest that she get a psych evaluation based on the replies from people who actually have HPD.

Every person who has replied to you has HPD, including me. They have been posting on here for a while, and I am familiar with them. I am also a HPD in recovery,after having extensive therapy. Unless your friend admits to herself there is a problem, she won't benefit from therapy.

The board doesn't diagnose. HPDs can't say whether or not she is HPD. Only an expert can do that. Diagnosis is complex and takes time. It may take many visits to see a psych before it is even considered, and even in those cases, the diagnosis is not always clearcut. There are few, if any, text book cases of HPD, and it frequently occurs co morbidly with other disorders, which can confuse the diagnosis. At times of stress, the symptoms may be strong. At other times, the symptoms may be barely noticeable. It can be dangerous to diagnose a serious mental illness based on only the information given on a forum post. In any case, HPD is not usually dignosed until a person has reached their 20s when the personality is more established.

Your friend sounds as if she has issues, which may or may not be due to a disorder but they are not your issues to solve. She is acting negatively towards you and her behaviour will continue to upset you, eat away at you and affect your own self esteem. Do you need a person like this in your life? You do not deserve to be manipulated and bullied, and it may be better for you to move on.

Ruci wrote:She's insecure about her figure right and she doesn't seem to be all over guys like she used to be.

I was guilty over nothing and I won't even suggest that she get a psych evaluation based on the replies from people who actually have HPD.

at first i read this post and thought it was a practical joke... and read the second line and it didn't bother me. only thing that bothered me was that you waited so long to read my response...

now I reread this and specifically to answer your question, I don't know if she is insecure or not. I would have to see the behavior AND I would have to ask her why. Both the what and the why are important.

best of luck to you.

- Labor.