How to stop loving her? (Non Thread)

Tried everything: NC, hate, other women...still so attracted to her. Sinking again. Help.

Gym, therapy to deal with self esteem issues, hotter women

Loving someone who enjoys hurting you shows a lack of self respect. Trust me, I've been there.

What that guy said....


Also, realise she doesn't care about you. And nearly everything you like about her, is lies.

You are nothing but an object to her. She is incapable of love. YOUR TIME is THE most precious thing you have. Quit wasting it thinking about her. Believe me, I learned the hard way. Go get you a jar of cellmass and noexplode and hit the gym. I am now stronger at 52 than I have ever been. Bench is 350+ ... workout and forget her. .

I think this might be just a classic case of you want what you cannot have. It's normal. Sure, it shows a lack of self respect if you do cave in and try to go back to her, but it's hard. We all like to believe our situation is different, that our HPD actually did kinda sorta care about us in THEIR own way. And you know, that might be absolutely true, and it could be absolute $#%^.
Working out is a great distraction for a few mins/hours of the day, but what do you do when you're not working out and you don't want those thoughts to resurface of your HPD? And how do you not think about the HPD even if you ARE working out? While a healthy distraction is a great suggestion, I think it's also difficult for everyone. I, myself, couldn't just go work out and forget about all the pain, anger and confusion I had towards my ExFriend. I didn't want to take out any aggression on the treadmill, I wanted flipping answers as to why I was discarded and made to feel like I was the asshole in her royal shittiness.
I don't think there are easy answers Darkblue. I don't think there are simple solutions to the problem. All I do know is that I feel very empowered by staying NC. Even when I do have lapses where I, like you, feel like caving and sending a email. I refrain.
I know that if they DID want to be there, they would. People who don't make any effort are showing you how much you mean to them. Especially when they are the ones who, generally, have caused the hurt. If they know what they did and don't apologize or feel any sort of remorse, then why give them any part of your life?
If it's just sex you want....then maybe you yourself have control issues. Sex with her would be just trying to dominate the situation. It's a primitive form of control. Asserting your dominance.

Think of this conversation between a crack junkie and a dealer at the street corner:

Hey, do you have something for me.

No, not today.

Oh, ok, never mind. Hey, how is the familiy? How is little Jenny?

Fine, she got into 2. grade last month.

Oh, they grow up so fast, don't they?

Yeah, how is your wife?

...
..
.

Realistic?

Histrionic or crack junkie, the conversation will stop after the 2. line. I got this idea, when I saw mine this week and last week once. She was running around like a crack junkie looking for a new supplier. I guess my predecessor (and successor) got enough, too.

Think of her as a little child, who is not your child (so you don't have to care about her), but the neighbour child who is bugging you.

darkblue wrote:Tried everything: NC, hate, other women...still so attracted to her. Sinking again. Help.

Try and focus on what she IS... Not who she PRETENDED to be. I don't know your story so I can't quote examples for you, but I CAN cite one example from my own ex-hpd that did it for me. The last time we spoke, she'd been "hit" by her (current) husband. Then began sending me deranged photos she'd taken of herself crying.. and another of her holding her 2yr old in an awkward position to make sure the baby, her and her split lip were all in the shot.

THAT is the real HPD, and most are like that. ie: Exploit ANYBODY for attention and emotion. Even their own children. Do you REALLY wanna be part of that psycho roller coaster?

Everyone above posted great advice.

If it helps any, look back on how she made you feel. We tend to remember the positives when we are in love, but try to remember the negatives too. How often did you find yourself feeling devalued? anxious (e.g., waiting for the next devaluation round to happen?), sick to your stomach? hurt? Do you feel any sense of peace when you are away from her? If so, focus on that sense of peace and well-being you feel away from her.

xdude wrote:How often did you find yourself feeling devalued? anxious (e.g., waiting for the next devaluation round to happen?), sick to your stomach? hurt? Do you feel any sense of peace when you are away from her? If so, focus on that sense of peace and well-being you feel away from her.

Yes, this.

Just keep reminding yourself of the bad times of which I'm sure there were loads.

Our brains work in a way to protect us naturally, so I believe we naturally think of the good bits above all the nasty bits, as a type of self protection. Because of this, I think it is necessary to actively delve a touch deeper to bring out the thoughts of the bad bits. Just needs a little effort but thankfully we're equipped well enough to actually control this, unlike HPD's.

I've written a list of things (it's loooooong) that she did that really made me feel devalued, annoyed, hot collared and angry/anxious.

I find myself referring to this list regualarly to make me see why it's so important to never go back to this, ever again. And I think the more I read it, the more I hate her and the more I hate her, the less good feelings I have about her.

Hope this helps in some kind of way...

Could you share the list with us ?