How do I cut the umbilical cord???

My 9 year old's father is married to someone that has HPD. I just figured this out recently during therapy for myself. She denies it but has admitted that people have told her she has it. My son doesn't like going to his dad's because of her. Her daughter (and my son's sister) is 6 and being raised to be just like her. I don't like how she treats my 5 year old and is obvious about it. She is also obsessed with my 6 month old and being in her life. She has frequently referred to my son as "her son". Also, my son tells me that they failed to give him his thyroid medicine while he was there this week. She is constantly preaching about how to raise kids right and then yells at them to go away because she's "busy" with "school" work. Everytime I refer to my son as "my son", she says "we know he's your son" and rolls her eyes.

What really bothered me today was that a kid that lives across the street from them was over. He puts toy guns to peoples heads and talks about killing people constantly. She said that it was a bad idea for the kids to around him. As soon as we were leaving, she told him he could play with her daughter. I asked her if that was good idea. She said "I'll talk to him cause _____ needs someone to play with." WTH!!!

How do I break away from them? They are not healthy for my children. My son's father believes everything she says. I have known her for 9 years and my children are also close to her. I am at a loss.

My parents really didn't get along after they divorced and us kids were kinda stuck in the middle of the drama between them. There was a battle going on for who we would be loyal to. A smear campaign where they tried to get us to join their camp by trying to tell us negative things about the other one.

Anyway, I would tell one parent one thing and the other one something else . During all of this, I really started to believe it when one of them would tell me the other one really didn't love me, that they weren't paying their support and things like that. It really messed with me to the point where I didn't want to see the one who was getting smeared the most since I lived with the other one.

I guess my point is, in my opinion the kids need lots of love from both of the parents and for you to get along as much as possible and all. It's in the interest of the children and their mental health as long as no abuse is involved.

What do you think would make your ex attracted to a histrionic woman?

I agree with nowheregirl - it's a crappy situation, to be sure, but you don't want to deny the kids visits with their dad because of it. obviously, he's with her, so you don't really have a choice if she is around your kids as well.the thing is, as the kids grow up, they may resent you for 'keeping' them from their dad, not understanding how dysfunctional that woman really was.

as for her bragging that she 'always knows how to raise kids right' - ha. I find that usually the most dysfunctional people in the world are the ones that claim they know everything. most functional people understand how great of a task parenting is, and they worry constantly that they are 'doing it right', because there are so many variables and so many things to learn. only ignorant dolts think that they've got it 100 percent right, because, you know, they're perfect human beings and everyone else just sucks. prime example - my bf's mom - would always be yelling at me saying 'I KNOW how to raise kids, listen to me on this!" (I felt like telling her, um, all three of your sons went to prison at some point and your daughter got knocked up at 16. not quite sure I should be taking your parenting advice. LOL.)