Its like a Mexican Standoff

Ok guys, this board is and should be built on complete honesty in order for us to heal. So here goes. I am not planning on contacting my ex HPD gf. Howver I have not contacted her since Jan, albeit for a brief question abouut her parents' condition (The Flood) in April. Since then I have been basically no contact and still have not heard from her. So in all honesty my EGO wants HER to miss me and contact me ! Its like a Mexican standoff as to who will "blink" first. She WAS very cold and rude in April when she did not reciprocate and asK about my parents and my life. And YES "Okherewego bud lite" I kNow she HAS moved on. And so have I. But I guess it is my EGO that wants her to reach out to me for a change and apologize. More than likely that won't happen. And with me thinking like this I guess it means that I am not completely over her...yet. I just need to follow my own suggestion of a few weeks ago and quit thinking of her and truly move on. Dang my ego and feelings !!!!But I will NOT blink !!!

joliver54 wrote: But I guess it is my EGO that wants her to reach out to me for a change and apologize.

You're in denial. You want her to not be ill. You haven't accepted that she is, and she can't relate to you the way you need her to. Even if she accepted she's ill and sought help it's unlikely she could give you what you need. Especially not in a few months.

joliver54 wrote: me thinking like this I guess it means that I am not completely over her...yet.

You guess?

Seriously, if you can't find a better way to adjust, soon, you should see a therapist. I believe those most affected by Hs have their own issues (narcissist who met a better narcissist? Or, someone who seeks codependency with another? Or, desires another to be codependent upon them? A rescuer who isn't altogether altruistic?).

Hs have a strange way of playing upon an individual's susceptibility to limerence. I don't believe Hs consciously do it. But, some of us are more susceptible to that state than others. Are we more sensitive? Disordered in our own way? I don't know. But, people like you (and I) are a bad mix with Hs. We create a feedback loop. We feed the H like no other type of person. And the H feeds us (our intoxication with that constant feeling of being in a "crush") like no other.

I don't think it's as easy as "just get over her." But, you do need to understand why you "guess" you can't. If you're not even sure how deep the hook has been set, you need to talk to someone.

t2011 wrote:narcissist who met a better narcissist?

I assume that you're using the term narcissist here in the broader sense of someone with insufficient internal regulation of their self image, as opposed to someone who specifically has NPD?

Joliver, I know this may be a strange interpretation, but it sounds like she is your new hobby. You're in the habit of having her there to occupy your thoughts, your time, your attention - first because of the relationship, then because of the ensuing drama - and now, poof, nothing. It leaves a sort of attentional void, and you're used to her being the "thing" that occupies your mental time.

For what it's worth, my suggestion is an enforced "No thinking about your ex" zone for 2-3 weeks. That's about the time it takes to form a new habit. I think you'll be surprised - your mind will fill the void. Suddenly some new interest will capture you, and you'll feel less desperate to get some sort of update from her.

In the words of okherewego,
WTF

Go buy your wife some flowers instead.

I love all the responses here...especially Cincy's. Thanks ! Sometimes I need a swift kick in the arse when I get to feeling sorry for myself. I love you guys and this board ! So glad I found it 3 months ago.

joliver54 wrote:Ok guys, this board is and should be built on complete honesty in order for us to heal. So here goes. I am not planning on contacting my ex HPD gf. Howver I have not contacted her since Jan, albeit for a brief question abouut her parents' condition (The Flood) in April. Since then I have been basically no contact and still have not heard from her. So in all honesty my EGO wants HER to miss me and contact me ! Its like a Mexican standoff as to who will "blink" first. She WAS very cold and rude in April when she did not reciprocate and asK about my parents and my life. And YES "Okherewego bud lite" I kNow she HAS moved on. And so have I. But I guess it is my EGO that wants her to reach out to me for a change and apologize. More than likely that won't happen. And with me thinking like this I guess it means that I am not completely over her...yet. I just need to follow my own suggestion of a few weeks ago and quit thinking of her and truly move on. Dang my ego and feelings !!!!But I will NOT blink !!!

OOOOOOOOOOOO PAY ATTENTION NON'S!!!!!!!!!!!
This is where we get you! I have been thinking about how to put it in words but joliver led me to it with

"I guess it is my EGO that wants her to reach out to me for a change and apologize."

When we want you back or better stated; when we want the source of supply back that is what we open with, "I'm sorry for (insert reason here)" and since that is what YOU wanted to hear you THINK we have changed and are ready to take us back. Then we get the ego boost knowing that you were never over us and take advantage of you again. Only we hide it better this time.

Mine has never apologized for anything she did, so I guess I'd feel LUCKY if mine was like yours and actually pretended to be sorry haha. If she does something wrong she throws a pity party for herself and uses her HPD as an excuse for her behavior.

OtherHPD wrote:
OOOOOOOOOOOO PAY ATTENTION NON'S!!!!!!!!!!!
This is where we get you! I have been thinking about how to put it in words but joliver led me to it with

"I guess it is my EGO that wants her to reach out to me for a change and apologize."

When we want you back or better stated; when we want the source of supply back that is what we open with, "I'm sorry for (insert reason here)" and since that is what YOU wanted to hear you THINK we have changed and are ready to take us back. Then we get the ego boost knowing that you were never over us and take advantage of you again. Only we hide it better this time.

Interesting. Whenever my ex get into a fight with me and was in the wrong (at least in my mind) she would apologize after she vents. She definitely sounded sincere. If that was a ruse then I definitely got to hand to her. I can normally tell when someone is giving a half-ass apology.

Well, "OtherHPD", it has been 2 months since I last contacted her and prior to that 4 months. Doesn't look like she will be apologizing any time soon. I won't hold my breath.