How to avoid falling in love with a HPD

by **george78** » Fri May 20, 2011 8:23 am

I just realized that I'm not doing that good after all. It was way better before I met her. I was pretty confident (for my standards), didn't bother to be alone sometimes. Now I feel alone and pretty lonely. It seems hard to connect with women in contrast. Crap!

Yes, that's typical I think. The fantasy she created, as perverse as it was, was more engaging than reality. That's why it's important to maintain NC and get back into the flow of real life. You can understand cognitively before healing emotionally. You will equilibrate but it takes some time. Hang in there and do things to respect and care for yourself... eat well, exercise, volunteer or advocate for a worthy cause larger than yourself, spend time with real friends, forgive yourself for having been conned and her for having shorts in the circuits.

by **george78** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:54 am

santa fe wrote:
george78 wrote:I just realized that I'm not doing that good after all. It was way better before I met her. I was pretty confident (for my standards), didn't bother to be alone sometimes. Now I feel alone and pretty lonely. It seems hard to connect with women in contrast. Crap!

Yes, that's typical I think. The fantasy she created, as perverse as it was, was more engaging than reality. That's why it's important to maintain NC and get back into the flow of real life. You can understand cognitively before healing emotionally. You will equilibrate but it takes some time. Hang in there and do things to respect and care for yourself... eat well, exercise, volunteer or advocate for a worthy cause larger than yourself, spend time with real friends, forgive yourself for having been conned and her for having shorts in the circuits.

Thanks for the kind words! Yesterday it came to my mind that I feel like having mistreated / neglected other women during this time by dating her. A strange and uncomfortable feeling.

btw, Santa Fe and others: It is just mind blowing and kind of depressing to browse back to the first of your posts here and read them. Most of you seem to had seen it quiet clearly. Only few seem to were shell shocked. Many years ago I was shell-shocked after an encounter with a woman of this type and I had no idea what was going on or what to do next. I think being shell-shocked and finding into such a forum is kind of mutual exclusive.

by **nightsinlondon** » Sun May 22, 2011 7:05 am

As much as I hate to admit it, everything Santa Fe wrote is 100% true, at least when it comes to me it is.

by **george78** » Sun May 22, 2011 3:36 pm

Anyone noticed this red flag?

I have the idea that people of a certain type don't get / like a humorous aggrandazing like: [smirkingly] 'Hey you know these rules don't apply to me' or after being flattered 'I know. I'm the best' or something like that. Most people get it that you are messing with them and will laugh and play along. It in fact signals to them that you are aware of such rules and that they certainly apply to you as well and that you are self confident enough to see yourself realistically. My idea is that certian people don't get it because they hate true self confidence in others / because they want to 'decide' if you are the best or not. This kind of humor messes with the flattery power of histrionics.

by **george78** » Mon May 23, 2011 7:27 pm

Had my first encounter with her after a month today. Right now I'm pretty crushed. Some cheering up would be nice! :-(

Wasn't intentionally meeting her but knowingly seeing her. *** DELETED ***

Reading many posts about histrionics 'dating out of their league'. You got to be kiddin'! Their league is the league of deceiving, projecting, gaslighting, shallow relationships. Yes, they are dating out of their league, but certainly not in the sense intended by those who write that crap! You just have to realize that and you can assume a very powerful frame.

by **LightZero** » Mon May 23, 2011 8:04 pm

george78 wrote:Had my first encounter with her after a month today. Right now I'm pretty crushed. Some cheering up would be nice! Wasn't intentionally meeting her but knowingly seeing her. Was there with her old / new fanboy who I actually knew long before they or we met. While we were dating she told me: Oh you know I really don't like him touching me that much. Guess what, he is still physically close. He didn't even bother to say goodbye after the evening. He just left following her. I did not speak to her, was pretty annoyed by the noise she was producing. What a pathetic person! She couldn't even own it when I told her a goodbye after she blow me off. She had to turn it around to 'distance herself from me'. Narcissistic bloodsucker!

I'm wearing contact lenses. Sometimes my eyes get disturbed an I have to clean them. At one point that happened and she asked me attentively and caringly about it. No actually she interrogated me for a few minutes about my eyes. my precise grade of ametropia, the effects on my everyday life etc. It was flattering but actually borderline annoying. After that she knew everything my optician knows. During our last date ca. 2 weeks later my eye got disturbed again. I told her: Wait a minute. You know, my lenses are disturbing my eyes. She: Oh, ok, but how could I possibly know that you are wearing lenses??? I sat there in utter perplexity, thinking: Hm, you could review your interrogation protocols.

Reading many posts about histrionics 'dating out of their league'. You got to be kiddin'! Their league is the league of deceiving, projecting, gaslighting, shallow relationships. Yes, they are dating out of their league, but certainly not in the sense intended by those who write that crap! You just have to realize that and you can assume a very powerful frame.

I definitely agree. You can always get stronger if you learn from your past mistakes. You will have to want to grow. You don't have to worry about her current fanboy he will be screwed over sooner or later.

by **HunnyBunney1** » Tue May 24, 2011 1:51 pm

As an HPD female myself I always tell new people I meet who start getting closer than they should (I am married), NOT to fall in love with me. I am open about it (although never say I am HPD) and tell them that I am unique, different, an attentive and affectionate friend but am really high maintenance and that they shouldnt fall for me. They generally DO and then because I am married and dont want a commitment I tend to ditch them.

by **george78** » Tue May 24, 2011 3:04 pm

HunnyBunney1 wrote:As an HPD female myself I always tell new people I meet who start getting closer than they should (I am married), NOT to fall in love with me. I am open about it (although never say I am HPD) and tell them that I am unique, different, an attentive and affectionate friend but am really high maintenance and that they shouldnt fall for me. They generally DO and then because I am married and dont want a commitment I tend to ditch them.

Well, that's nice of you. But THE problem is NOT within you or other histrionics. The problem is with me and the other guys who are not able to maintain their boundaries. In my case the red flags were all over the place (browse up). And I have been there once. The solution is to proof myself against trangressions. Adopt something like three-strikes-and-you-are-out. And you are trangressing all the time! btw: That will not work. I would think / and perhaps even say: Oh you are such a caring person. I think I will fall in love with that.

by **Musician924** » Tue May 24, 2011 3:19 pm

HP is not written on a girls head (unfortunately... :lol:

). I am much more attentive to details now than before my own experience. Many users of this forum do indicate that they knew or felt something was wrong from the beginning of the relationship. Either intuition, facts, or a mixture of both. Whether they could clearly put their fingers on it or not, those same users (including myself) failed to heed their own warnings. I beat myself up for 4 years about that, i felt i had betrayed myself. It won't happen again...lol. Therefore, my own input to your question is always listen to yourself and always respect yourself. The 2 go hand in hand.

How to avoid falling in love with a HPD

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