histronic

Tonight i have had an argument with my girlfriend. (wow big deal).

She has diagnosed me as Histronic - i must be honest (good for the liar) and say i dont really know what it is.
2 years ago i lied to eberyone said i was dying from cancer and lived that lie for 18 months, that was 2003. I admitted the truth to everyone in sept 2004. I have never done anything like that before. I expect the self indulgent uncaring and self gratification that my partner thinks i got from that lie was a Histronic act. I was caught up in it and it certainly did steam roller out of control. God i am so fed up of it. over two years later and we have had another problem because of it. i want to let it go and get on with my life. I love her so much but i feel we will never be free of this. All the hurt and pain that she has been through i think that if we parted, she would still go through it. Me on the other hand. Well who knows.

I still dont understand it. I know it has left me as amess as a person. I cant seem, to find who i am, what i am. i feel such shame even a year after it all ended. I have been thru times of mass remorse then nothing.

I really dont know what to write. I feel empty.

Why?
Is it easier for you to answer on here?
Look at the criteria for HPD. Some of it is about the emotional attachments that are formed.
I do not understand, why, 2 years and a hell of a lot of grief after we got together, you need to tell your ex personal things about our relationship. AGAIN and again and again and again.
Again this cries of 'attention, give me attention, look what shes done, oh woh is me'.
Or if not, what the hell is it?
I cant see any other possible reason for it, especially after all the terrible things that had already been caused by your run away mouth. the problems its caused us.
Explain it to me please, i dont understand.

Just to add -
You say we have another problem because of the health lie, what does that have to do with the problem we have had tonight?
It has nothing to do with the health lie, it has to do with the million other lies you told me about your ex. It has to do with you needing her to fill your emotional needs, to give you affirmation, when things go wrong with your now girlfriend, even though you know this woman still wants you back. Even though you know she has been through 2 years of hell, and has tried to destroy our relationship so many many times - even admitting so.

You give her every reason to want our relationship to fail, you have kept her in this relationship for 2 years by going to her and telling her the ins and outs and problems. Why? Why would you do this if not for attention, for affirmation, because you are a little lost boy in a big world who cant stand on his own two feet?
I still await your answer, that you said you couldnt tell me to my face. The answer that you say will make me walk away.

it has nothing to do with tonight.
Never said it did. I never implied it does.
Your beef is that i wont give you an answer.
Ok i dont remeber telling her that you dragged your kid into our problems.

Why do you always drag your children into our problems?
Why do you need to do that. Why cant you act responsible when it is betwwen us. Do you wanna no what i said to her (ur daughter on the fone that day). i said hello darling did you have a nice day at school. Unlike you screaming he'slied again.

Because, as i recall,which ofcourse your memory doesnt allow for, you threatened me with her. You said to me, well if its over then tell your daughter. So who brought my kids into it first? Me or you??
I had no intention of dragging her into, until you mentioned her. A bit like the time you put your daughter on the phone to say you hadnt done something that you had, but you insisted.
Whose worse - i dont know anymore, or all i know is i didnt stoop this low before.

But i still dont see what this has to do with your wife - opps sorry ex wife 2 years down the line and countless solicitors letters about my bad behaviour (your admitted lies) - i should add 2 years later!
You still cant answer the question can you - is it because you cant????

are you going to let this go or not. is this going to go on and on and cause us problems.

it aint about a lie. Its about your jealousy for me ex wife. so why are you on here with this insecurity bs. wrong forum love.

I dont remeber saying anything like that to her. Sorry. But you are gonna have to deal with it. Perhaps ur daughter told her father and he got together with my ex, as they have on countless other times and discussed it. Who know's. the whole world is sick.

Well, i sat there tonight and you told me, you couldnt tell me why to my face, that you would do so on this forum. Now, even in my limited intelligence, this suggests that you know the answer. You told me that the answer would make me walk away once and for all.
I believe that you are frightened of what you are going to tell me, which is why you cant.
Ok, so lets go thro the possibles.

Shes more understanding than me.
She knows you better.
You did it for attention cos you wanted her to feel 'something' for you.
You still care for her, and want to keep that bridge afloat.

Im still waiting for the answer. You know, the one thats going to make me walk away.

I forgot to add,
As you have diagnosed me as Histronic. Why dont you take the time as you no so mich about this disorder and others and explain to me exactly what you are saying i am. It hurts to be labeled something when you dont no what the f**ing hell it is. But you are very good at that. You being the hard done by one and me the total B***ard.
You have diagnosed me as
1. A compulsive liar
2. ASPD
3. Histronic
4. You even said one i had muchouse syndrome.

Nice a. Wonder how you would feel about this.
I am someone that f**ked up really badly for a year and wants this nightmare to end. Help me. Or let me go. But for christs sake stop punishing me. It has been 18 months of punishment from you.

Time to stop Starz. Go see a councellor if you dont feel you are healing. I have had to do so much to get where i am now, for what. more of this BS. I want a life too. OK