Curious about HPD's and their extent of manipulation

....actually, manipulation might be the wrong word to use. I'm looking to understand at what extent an HPD will go to keep tabs on someone.
Have anyone with HPD ever devalued someone, but still snooped to find information out about them.

I guess I ask because I have a journal/blog, and while it is public I have a tracker on it for my own curiosity. Mostly with the hopes that one day I can add adverts to it if it ever got that big...besides the point...anyways, it will tell you where your traffic is coming from, and I've noticed that there is a person in a very particular town (where my exfriend lives) that has been pretty much stalking my blog, and reading it for up to 40 min at a time. You could say I'm paranoid, but I my blog is not that interesting, and I can tell what they typed in to find my blog (my exact name) so...it seems kinda too coincidental that a person that lives in a very small town, very close to me, would search the internet for my specific name, and then spend 40 min reading my (not that interesting) blog, for several days in a row.

Is this typical behavior? And since it's been since Jan since I've heard from her; the last time was when she tried to accuse me of stealing something she gave to me as a gift at my wedding and was going to press charges..does this mean she's planning something?

stars, this may sound off-the-wall weird, but I noticed my ex-friend stalking my myspace profile months after the friendship ended. myspace was the only outlet I'd forgot to delete her from because I rarely log on to it anymore. I'd removed and blocked her phone number and email addresses, and unfriended her on facebook. myspace had this new feature where you could see which of your 'friends' was reading what.. and to my horror, she was reading my messages to her about this woman I knew who had cancer. you see, my friend was claiming to everyone that she had cancer! she was taking some of the emotional things I had written about this woman and this woman's words to me, and broadcasting them to her friends and fan club members as though they were her authentic thoughts. (found that out by her ex-gf, who received several emotional texts from her about having cancer.)

anyway, I promptly deleted her after I noticed that, but it did make me a little sick to my stomach.

in your case, your friend could be using your words with others because she thinks they're great emotional, wise words; or she could be simply 'checking up' on you, gleefully hoping that your life has gone to pot once the friendship ended. I know my friend often held the false belief that any ex friend or ex lover of hers had a horrible, ruined life and missed her terribly. perhaps your friend was looking for evidence of that.

Perhaps i'm wrong...........but you don't really devalue people. You just lessen their value.

You lessen their value, because they lose the ability to provide you with the ability to value yourself. (or atleast, please yourself or perhaps, play with yourself......torture really)


So i guess..........i would go to whatever extent i needed to, to keep tabs on someone.........depending on what their importance was and the risk was to me.

Facebook? That's easy. Reading a blog........easy too.

Stalking around someone's house? No that'd make me feel pathetic. Getting caught? I couldn't imagine how embarassing that would be.



I would say.........don't confuse not liking you, with not valuing you.

Winning you back.........or punishing you for leaving/betraying or whatever else.............is still a type of value.

Because it's not really about you..........it's what you, say about me. You're like a mirror........i want to see, what i want to see in it. Sometimes just looking, is enough........every once in awhile, you want to take a peek..........see if it has changed.

Think of other people, like a scary funhouse for us. Some mirrors are boring, some mirrors are scary, some mirrors we want to smash...................the more mirrors we have to look in, the less likely we are to return to old ones.........but sometimes, certain ones, work (or don't work) in just the right way that we aren't done with them.



It's kind of funny actually.................

My HPD friend, has a thing that tells her who visits her webpage. As soon as i realised this, i never have gone back there. (as i don't want her to know, i care about her) ((ok, value her....i don't actually care!)) but you know what i mean.

So yeah........i think she might be somewhat stalking me.......the same way, i'm "anti" stalking her.

I always see her around lately..........i have a feeling, i'm being hunted.

But it's silly........she goes out of her way (in theory) to get close to me.........but only close enough to see if i'll go the rest of the distance, to get to her.


But yeah........a blog seems like a thing that i'd want to keep track of.
It's like, emotional/thoughtful type stuff..........it'd be easy to hate you for what you write........or like you for what you write...........to manipulate your value, and play with what that means to myself, by what you reveal.

in your case, your friend could be using your words with others because she thinks they're great emotional, wise words; or she could be simply 'checking up' on you, gleefully hoping that your life has gone to pot once the friendship ended. I know my friend often held the false belief that any ex friend or ex lover of hers had a horrible, ruined life and missed her terribly. perhaps your friend was looking for evidence of that.

That's nutty about the cancer thing!!

Well, she's going to be disappointed cause my blog is always about how happy I am, how great things are, and how awesome my life is. Granted, I do have the occasional $#%^ day, but I like to focus on how positive things are, and for the most part, they are pretty ######6 fantastic now that she's not around. I don't have to worry about someone stealing my $#%^, spreading lies about me or my family, or making me feel anxious.
What is sorta weird, and I bring this up cause it's pseudo similar to the cancer thing, is that someone showed me some photos of my exfriend that she was posting on her fb. (I'm not friends with her and she blocked me so I can't see any of her $#%^, nor do I care to.)
Anyways, she's always changed her looks over the years. She was punk rock chick with lots of tattoos and piercings, then she was corporate girl, then slutty girl, then party girl, then she was this hippy boho thing. Me? I've always had a more pin-up/rockabilly look. The way I dress and wear my make up has been pretty consistent over the years. So, someone showed me this photos where all of a sudden the exfriend is dressing and showing interest in vintage 50's things. Dressing more pinup, and wearing her hair different. WTF?!?!
I was already nervous about her SWF #######4...I should tell everyone about the ring one day....but she's already told me before how jealous she was of my life, and how much she envied it.

I would say.........don't confuse not liking you, with not valuing you.

Can you explain the difference? I really thought that devaluing someone meant not liking them, not having any interest in them, or how they are doing.

But yeah........a blog seems like a thing that i'd want to keep track of.
It's like, emotional/thoughtful type stuff..........it'd be easy to hate you for what you write........or like you for what you write...........to manipulate your value, and play with what that means to myself, by what you reveal.

I can see why she'd be interested to see if I was talking about her, but I don't. I don't even mention her name, I don't reference her at all. In my blog there are absolutely no traces of her whatesover, because I don't give a $#%^, and my blog is not about her.

And why would she want to hate me, or like me, for what I write? What's the point unless she's planning some kind of come around. How could she manipulate me if she knows we don't even speak? How could she play me if she's essentially not even existent in my life?

In my case, it seems they will go very far; mine would do all kinds of strange things:

-Add me under face accounts on Facebook (considering Facebook is probably the best way to keep tabs on someone)

-She would call me frequently--before I changed my number--from a blocked number and wouldn't say anything

-Last summer, I was living in a different city about 45 mins. away from her. She would drive by my house late at night, creepy. This was really weird because, first of all, we hadn't spoken in months and, secondly, there was really no point of her (or anyone really) coming to my city at all (small town, nothing to offer) other than to try and find me. I never went to the bars much but, occasionally, I would find her at some the local bars around the town..extremely weird.

-Even throughout all the fairly long periods, which we didn't speak, she kept everything sentimental that I had given to her (and probably still has it)

But a blog is definitely something they will watch over, viciously, to go with many other things. Maybe you have a function (if you don't want her reading it) that could block her I.P address or you could also, likely, setup a script. But, my point is, they will definitely go far to keep tabs on you, most likely if you're not willing to join her fan club.

driving by your house is definitely creepy!!! I have not noticed if she has driven by my house...yet.

I guess I don't understand the keeping tabs. What's the point?

There is not function to the blog, and I honestly do not care if she reads it because it's not like I post anything that she could use as ammunition. I mean, I write about things that I don't mind if the WHOLE world knows, hence the reasons it's public. I just don't know why she would care. I don't know why she would keep tabs. What is the point unless she's planning something.

It doesn't seem logical at all to me either but, then again, HPDs' aren't the most rational people going. The reasons why they do it would probably never make any sense to us, just like the "I ######6 hate you !!! don't leave me !!" paradox typical of borderlines. I'm curious as to how long it takes for them to give it up, and move on. But I bet by keeping tabs on long lost ex bfs/gfs makes a strong sob story for the next person around, considering they refuse to let go and thus, in a way, are still living that moment.

I do know my exfriend kept tabs on exboyfriends and exfriends..but I do not know why, or to what extent. She would just randomly tell me that "oh, exbf contacted me cause he's still SO in love with me" If that was true or not, I cannot say, I highly doubt, but I cannot say. But I do know that more often than not most people she was an ex anything of wanted nothing to do with her, myself included.
The girls she used to be close friends with, she would report to me what they were doing and just trash talk. If that's her whole reason for spying/stalking...that's sad.
She would always be like "C (girl she was bff with at one point) is so lame now. All she does is play in her #######5 band, and exercise so she can actually be skinny now, and then she's up her ugly boyfriends ass all the time. Ugh, so glad she and I are no longer friends cause what a boring life." - those are actual things she would say about people that were no longer 'fan club members'. If all she is looking for is reasons to $#%^ talk someone cause they are having a good ######6 life....wow!

I guess I just don't understand the mentality of wanting to know what someone is up to if you do not like them. I know I do not spy on her blog, or any other form of social media I know she's on, because I do not care. It seems unhealthy and pointless to put that much thought into obsessing over what someone you supposedly hate is doing's life.

yeah it doesn't make much sense. my theory is they like to glean 'ammo' to trash talk because it makes them feel better about themselves. the HPD may feel rejected by exes/ex friends, and thus if she trash talks them it makes her feel better and takes some of the sting out of that rejection. when they can't find juicy 'ammo', then they'll just talk negatively about pretty much anything, even if to the outsider, the things they are trash talking about seem insignificant or petty.

my friend would talk about an ex of hers, who had entered into a new, happy relationship and say, yeah they're so happy, so perfect, good for them those losers. they're both doing well in their jobs now and have a nice house, whoopdee do. lol. it didn't really make a whole lot of sense to trash talk someone for doing well in their life. then after this little tirade she would gleefully mention how she effed the ex over back in the day, and how she had the 'upper hand' during that time. perhaps this little version of events, in her mind, proved the exes might think they're 'so special' but they were no match for her superior manipulation skills.

so that kind of talk, I think, just boils down to them wanting to feel like they're in control at all times, and they want to make themselves feel better. that mentality was one of the early red flags that set off mild alarms in my head about my friend in the earlier stages of our friendship. I was baffled that she could sound so bitter and so vindictive over something that had happened a few years ago, and begrudge an ex any future happiness when she herself declared that she wanted nothing to do with this insanely crazy ex. so, my question was the same as yours, stars. if she wanted nothing to do with this person anymore, why bother bringing them up or dwelling on the past?? normal people can develop bitterness and get angry seeing an ex happy with someone else as well, but they usually don't bring up exes in this strange manner. they may talk about the hurt they still have, the anger or the sadness at being screwed over, but the trash talking is much more minimal than it is with an HPD person.

it may be that the HPD's trash talking serves the additional purpose of gathering sympathy from current lovers and friends, too, when the talk is more along the lines of 'they were abusive and cruel to me'.