How to ignore/avoid HPD neighbor?

I've posted my story before, and I'm so tired of it myself I don't feel like repeating it all here...

After not speaking to my HPD neighbor for over a year (she stopped speaking to me first - her move, not mine, but fine with me), it seems like she wants my attention again. She's been getting more involved with a group to which I've belonged for some time, showing up to events and making friends with acquaintances of mine. I don't really care anymore because I've started distancing myself from them anyway - I want to move on with my life and do other things, meet new (non-toxic) people.

The fact remains, though, that I still live wall-to-wall with the HPD because I can't afford to move elsewhere right now. Late the other night, I had to take my dog outside because he was sick, and my HPD neighbor must have heard me. She called out my name about five or six times, and I completely ignored her - I have no idea what she wants now (maybe she wants to offer an apology - more likely, it's attention and favors from me once again).

To the HPDs here, I'm not out to get her, and I've tried to respect her privacy and not express my frustrations with her to mutual acquaintances. I've heard, though, that she's been talking about me to them, so I'm sure she'll tell them that she's nice and I'm just mean. It's hurtful for me to hear, but as far as I'm concerned, they can believe what they want to believe. To the Nons, I've always disliked being called "normal" because I have my own problems and personality issues for sure, and I can't possibly live up to standards. It's hard to keep a lid on these feelings, but I know that if I open this Pandora's Box, it will only perpetuate any drama and make matters worse. I simply want nothing to do with her and to be left alone.

So do I keep ignoring her as I've done, and will she get the hint and give up trying?

I've been ignoring a true NPD guy at work for years...........


HPD's and NPD's like people who "admire them"........or "respect them".............and tell them how wonderful they are.


Take your cell phone with you............and act like you don't have time to talk to her.

Funny...that's how she started ignoring me, by being on her cellphone when I tried to explain why I couldn't do her a favor.

So I followed suit, and though I don't really like talking on my cellphone much, nowhere near the extent that she does (who are all these people willing to listen to her - and for so long?), I pretend to be *engrossed* by something on it whenever she's around or within site.

I've also started using my earphones all the time now, but she caught me off-guard one night when I couldn't see who it was calling my name in the dark. She pretended like we hadn't been avoiding each other for a year and just wanted to tell me something totally inane (but surely intended to let me know that she was getting involved with my group). I said, "Uh...okay", but I was so irritated that she got my attention!

So it's one technique, but I have to say it's really awkward having to do this constantly, coming and going from my place, walking on eggshells always

If she knows I can hear yet still won't respond to her...doesn't that get the point across faster?

just put up with it and give her her attention, once she has it she will go away....

- Labor.

Completely ignore her from now until the end of time or end of when you no longer are her neighbor.

Don't even pretend to talk on the phone. PRETEND she isn't even there when you know she is there. I tell you this because she will never stop trying to gain attention from you EVEN IF she is ignoring YOU. She will do something or talk loudly on her phone or how happy she is blah blah blah to make you talk or whatever to her.

If she is truly an HPD, ignorning her will kill her, but don't do it for that reason, but just to go on about your own life and not worry about what she is doing.

if you truly want to help her and be her friend, tread lightly, and let her know what hurful behaviors she has done and give her an opportunity to fix them and make them right. If she doesn't go back to ignoring her like she is invisible. Its your only chance for sanity.

I think you're on the right track with the ignoring - no contact being don't answer her phone calls/emails, or seek information about her from other sources of hers. The problem, as you know, is that you live right next door and can't avoid some face-to-face meetings.

in those meetings, I'd be polite but standoffish. acknowledge her presence, yes, maybe say 'hi', but don't talk about what's going on in your life and don't inquire about hers. if you straight out ignore her polite 'hi' then you're doing what she wants - causing drama she can talk about with others. be polite but brief. anyway, the more you do the headphones ignoring her thing, the harder she's going to try to get your attention. so just acknowledge her with a brief hi, the weather's great, or something of the sort.

What about dropping her a note saying something to the effect that "you do not wish to offend her and so respectfully request that she does not attempt to engage you as your previous experience with her was painful for you and you do not wish to relive it and need to move on?" That way you are being as diplomatic as possible while setting very firm and definite boundaries. She can't play the victim either as it leaves her no room to manouvere. Any attempt of contact on her part would justify a strong rebuke on your part as she has been forwarned and would be seen to be the transgressor in front of all and sundry.

Just tell her straight forward and flat out you want nothing to do with her and why. That would work with me!

Thank you all for your prompt responses...

I guess that is the issue or my fear and what prompted me to post after the other night...that no matter what I do/don't do, say/don't say, all of it is fodder for drama.

So if she does try to address me directly in some way, I'll give only non-responses, like "No thanks, not interested". And if she ever asks why, I'll say as normajean suggested something like "I want to be left alone". Then it has nothing to do with her - I'm just a depressed, boring person!

I suppose I've never really dealt with this before because I've always avoided drama, though self-preservation has probably also hindered me in some ways...still, I hate living this way.

Maybe one of us will move somewhere else soon

At one time, I wanted to help her...and I tried, I really did. Though I never came right out and told her that I thought she was histrionic, I always expressed my concern for her wellbeing (cocktails of pills and alcohol) and mental health (suggested she seek therapy)...but to no avail (more attention).

When I realized she didn't really want *my kind* of help, I tried another tactic...responding to and encouraging the good things and ignoring the not-so-good or annoying things she did. I hesitate to say "bad" because that's what she seems to believe, that it's all black-or-white. The problem finally, and why I started pulling back, was that she never listened to me (I have problems and need understanding, too!), and I knew she never would = no empathy.

At a later time, I also thought...if only she would acknowledge her mistakes (we all make them) once in awhile, we could have some sort of friendship, but of course, she never did. I told her of my troubles, and I regret that now because it did not build trust between us, only reason on her part to trash me to others (her complaint was that I think I'm "so good" or something to that effect - huh?)

Now it's too late for apologies, and I don't mean that anything she did was so awful that it couldn't be forgiven or forgotten...it's just that I don't even know what happened, and I doubt in her disordered mind that she does either. Or maybe I feel like any attempt on her part to address our issues is only to get my attention again, and I don't want to give her (I admit, maybe there is some lingering resentment, holding-back) what I know she really wants. I also really have moved on and don't want anything from her at all. Or maybe I just feel completely numb.

So that's where we're at...if she doesn't ask, there's really no point in telling her why (because then I'm the one starting up drama again), so I'll just leave it alone - but I'm glad I can post it here!