Long-Term Relationship Interference by S/Os HPD Acquaintance

Has anyone else experienced long-term interference by a significant other's HPD friend? What did you do?

My S/O and I met online 7 years ago. We're both single, and now the children are grown and away we're in the process of making our relationship permanent via marriage. It's always been our goal.

About 6 years back I found out they had a behind the scenes relationship. I confronted her, and she lied through her teeth. I saved the IM because it was so bizarre- as a reminder to myself that there are people online that shouldn't be trusted.

Here's an out-take from what she said in our IM conversation:

He listened to my troubles

I'm not "one" of them

I've not had phonesex with him, nor has he mentioned it

I've never been one to set out to break anyone up

It was innocent to me

No actually i did email him... and I won’t be speaking with him anymore!

There will be no more correspondence with him

I wont be in contact with him you have my word

If he emails me, i will not respond

I think he's just misguided

I don't normally do things such as this. It isn't my nature to go behind anyone's back and carry-on with their siginificant other

He and I discussed it and moved on. More on this later.

Note: All of the following info comes from her personal posts at the online bulletin board, which are searchable by any member.

This is a married woman that has been playing the pity card to snag men while raging about her husband behind his back for over 8 years in online posts. College educated, and intelligent. She prances around the online bulletin board sporting semi-nude avatars that have been photoshopped to make her appear like a sex goddess. Married 15+ years, lives in a nice home. They have boats, several motor vehicles, and young teenage kids. She went back to school several years back to get a certificate to work as an office assistant in a medical field. After a 4 year college degree? Following a few tries, she hasn't held any position in that field for more than 3 months because it interferes with her online love affairs. She constantly brags about sleeping with more men since she's been married than before she married her husband. She brags about having sex with men in the college parking lot. She went ballistic, once, in a post when the husband dared to flirt with another woman in front of her. Another time when he colored his hair because she suspected him of cheating on her. She says that she was raped as a child, and has post-traumatic stress disorder because of it. I know that this is possible, and horrible! but question her using it as a tool to attract sympathy? She's been on antidepressants since the age of 14, and sees a psychiatrist for her meds. She mentions paxil, xanax, etc. She's mentioned, several times, slipping her meds into her husband's coffee because he's an 'undiagnosed bi-polar.' She has so many years of experience that she's qualified to diagnose people now? Drugging people without their consent is unforgivable.

She's a pathological liar, and has been spreading lies about our relationship to anyone that will listen for the past 6 years. The intent is to make me leave that online community, which I stayed at despite her nastiness. She never says anything about us by herself in posts, but uses her current friends to spread gossip for her in posts where the words are more than recognizable as having come from her. As her friends leave to get on with their lives, she collects new ones. She has the ability to pull the perfect snow job, and in no time at all they're spreading gossip on her behalf. They buy it every time, hook line and sinker. It baffles me that people are so naieve as to believe her.

She didn't move on. In between her numerous online 'soulmates', (boredom?) she weaseled her way back into being his friend again. She then invited him to a fake bar social website behind my back. I found out about it through him, and at his invitation read what she said. I also joined, and put a few choice words in my profile (without mentioning any names) should she ever stumble across it. I didn't hang out there because I'd rather converse than rate pictures and leave comments and *bling* on individuals pages. Waste of time. I trust him enough to not monitor his every move. He called it a site for attention wh***s. We laughed about it.

I later found out, through a friend, that by her inviting him there she received daily updates on every move that he made there because he was her 'friend.' This was the source of her nasty gossip, and her proof that I'm not enough for him! She knew exactly what she was doing when she invited him there. She'd been there for years.

I've never met such a horribly deceitful, deceptive, manipulative and generally ugly person before in my life. I'm not a youngster by any means, so I've seen a lot. But never anything like this.

Originally, I thought that "this is what living on the Internet for too long does to people." Maybe. Yet, we know many people that don't compromise their principals while having friends online.

The problem came to a point where it became frightening, realizing that this person has no intention of stopping her smear campaign. No matter what we've done to dispel the lies, she keeps coming back with more.

I started reading about personality disorders about 7 months ago trying to put a name to her behavior. HPD seemed to fit. I was trying to understand for my own benefit, and find how to deal with it.

I stumbled across this site last night and was fascinated to read about others experiences with HPD partners and such. Not only did the behaviors sound familiar, it gave me names for things that I had no name for. The Fan Club, etc.

A big Thank You to all that have shared your experiences here. I'm beginning to understand that no matter what I, or we do, we can't win.

Rose