Single-parent, NPD father...viscerally drawn to HPD women???

Hi all,

Was raised by a single-parent father with severe, abusive NPD. I find myself (what I think is subconsciously) and definitely viscerally drawn to women I believe to have HPD. Does this hold water?

Thanks!

Most men are attracted to apparently confidently , beautiful outgoing woman. Those that don't ignore the red flags of a truly HPD/disordered person don't stay with them though. The disorder does reveal it self eventually. To stay and except such abuse over time, may bring into question your own short comings. It makes no sense to stay otherewise. No normal person in thier right mind would. Most have pride, ego and enough confidence to leave. HPD's mostly attract men , that are venerable or have low self esteem.

NPD's control them and don't give a crap.

I too was brought up by a single parent NPD father, as was my brother. Both of us have had disasterous relationships with Cluster B types all of our lives. We're now in our 50's and I woke up to what was going on about 4 years ago, my brother woke up last month.

It makes perfect sense that we are drawn to the familiar, that sense of 'soulmate' usually means someone who reflects what we grew up with. Great if you come from a supportive, stable family background, not so great if all you knew was dysfunction,chaos or selfishness.

With NPD parents we are usually trained to accomodate their needs and whims, (probably the same with HPD) so of course being drawn to someone who requires us to dance to their rather exuberant and attractive tune makes sense. Both NPD and HPD people are usually very engaging so it makes sense that you would find HPD type women attractive.

My first therapist pointed out that I seemed to believe that I needed and wanted chaos in my emotional entanglements otherwise I would get bored, whereas in most other areas of my life I valued stability and security, this really made me sit up.

There was a clear difference between my 'real' life and my 'emotional' expectations, I would guess that this is true for you too. It's a very common pattern.

Well done for recognising that there's a link, next stage is to work on the pull that similar people will always have on you, and to believe that less 'exciting' people are attractive too (this is where I struggle though at least now I know what's been going on. It's that damn chemistry thing! Toxic I know but .....)

Thankfully this time with the HPD woman only lasted two dates...I do have some esteem issues from growing up with the old man...

The dates with the alleged HPD woman were weird...the first one she was nice, open, sweet, etc. The second she was bitchy, condescending, would give disapproving looks, used hauty language, pranced around like a princess, spent a lot of time on her cell phone, and talked about other dates (including being offended that a guy she liked didn't want to sleep with her.)

My behavior hadn't changed at all between the two dates. I made no physical overtures, no wild revelations, etc.

Thankfully, my being innately attracted to this type of woman helped me uncover that my father is NPD (and all of its psychological abuses), and vice versa, so that's why I wanted to know about the link.

These personality disorders are something else...these people are like malfunctioning robots.