Having a crisis...

Okay, I'm having a bit of a crisis right now. I was only recently discharged from hospital (being held under section 2 of the mental health act) and really do not see the point of living. Only a couple of hours ago I was really looking forward to the future, looking for universities to go to, looking at houses and flats to rent etc etc, then I came accross a website that said about a medical assessment you have to have before being accepted to do a nursing degree so I started googling and found that having a section 2 on your medical records really does mess up the rest of your life and what with having a criminal record too... I'm pretty screwed. So now, and because of having histrionic PD I really do not see the point in life. One part of me just wants to run away, turn back to the life of drugs, drink, prostitution and crime because it was fun and I got all the attention I wanted (even though it was very negative) but another part of me thinks... well actually you can do this, just sort your life out, go to uni, get a job, start a family etc etc and so the arguement inside my head starts...
Having HPD is just so confusing... one minute you''re literally on top of the world, the next you can't even see the point in tomorrow. I hate this illness and I hate the fact I'm never going to get better.
I really want to just end my life... run away and just do it... somewhere where no-one will find me and somewhere where I can't get help even if I do change my mind. I'm better off dead. But I know when I take the overdose I'll get cold feet like I always do and because I will have walked so far into the middle of no-where I will get an air-ambulance or something that will just feed my passion for attention even more. I wish I could just be killed... would make everything so much easier. I really do hate my life

Hi Frankenstein:
Get a grip. You can change your life. Get a handle on it. I am not so sure of life after death you know, its all down here. Don't give that up! You need to model your life as you want it to be and you can. If you are in good physical health, have 2 legs, 2 arms, all you faculties, and a good brain, you can make your world what you want it to be. Look at tetraplegics and what not, they have it bad! You can have it all. Write a book, paint, become a Musician or a sportsman (woman) its all possible and upto you.

You take care, have a beer, and chill out in front of the world cup footie for a bit!
T

Have you had any psychotherapy or anything like that?

No, I haven't had any treatment apart from depression. I haven't really told any professionals because I'm scared of the impact it's going to have on me in later life (if I ever get that far). That's the problem with mental health... you don't tell people because you're scared it's going to black mark you for the rest of your life but if you don't the illness spirals out of control anyway.

It won't be a black mark against you. Lots and lots of people have mental illnesses, its nothing to be ashamed of.

I really think that there will be things out there that will be able to help you. Please don't suffer with it alone. Go to your doctor and tell her EXACTLY how you are feeling. Tell her you are suicidal. Are you on anti-depressants? If so they don't appear to be working. Change them. Get referred to a psychologist. They WILL be able to help you and change the way you think and break the cycle of depression and suicidal thoughts. Will you make an appointment at the doctor?