HPD's sex life

I've just been curious recently as to what a HPD's sex life is like. Since HPDs lead such secretive lifestyles it's hard to know what is really going on. I didn't make this thread to judge, I am genuinely curious as to the extent of sexual activity that the average female HPD engages in. If an actual HPD replies to this it would be greatly appreciated.

How many guys do HPDs usually keep in their fan club (ie. guys they lead on for attention) at one time?

Are they generally attracted to multiple guys at once or is there usually just 1 main guy on their mind that they are trying to chase and win over?

Are they more prone to having one night stands? How do they treat ONS guys afterwards?

Are they more prone to having unprotected sex?

today I had a conversation with an HPD woman and she told me that she doesn't like sex...she avoids it and she can't have a real orgasm...She likes sexual games but not the sex itself...

l have decided to refrain from relationships of any kind until l have worked on myself sufficiently to be able to function "normally" and make informed decisions. Suffice to say all my relationships have been disastrous. As a child l equated being "good" with being obedient, compliant and passive and this became part of my fake persona. My real self, the self l am now discovering, was much more independent and assertive but l was made to feel somehow "bad" if l expressed this. When l lost my virginity at fourteen l really did not know how to say no, and felt that l would lose the guy if l did not please him. This set a pattern for me and l began to equate sex with pleasing a guy, and if l pleased him enough, he would approve of me and love me. l was praised for my looks and attracted the kind of guy who would objectify me. Of course, in time l would begin to feel unloved, and unworthy if the guy didn't love me, so l would move on to the next guy to try to validate myself. Eventuaqlly my emotions became numbed. l felt as if l was a different person inside and not projecting myself as l really was. l began to see all guys as being the same and there came a point when l began to think of the double standards of society, which encourage a man to play the field, yet expect a woman to remain chaste, with no middle ground, and l then tried to play men at their own game. My real self and my emotions had become suppressed to such a point that l could cheat and not feel bad about it. l valued myself solely on my looks and felt validated by the attention they gave me. This remains true to an extent today. l am not out to attract a man, and do not give out any signals, but l pride myself on looking 20 years younger than my real age and will not leave the house without make up. lt is a mask, projecting a confidence that l do not really feel. To get back to my earlier experiences with

....cont....men, l had so many men l have lost count. lf l had two or even three on the go, l felt that they were "insurance" policices, that l had someone to fall back on, and it did not occur to me to think that l might have been hurting these men. Deep inside l longed to have a relationship with a man with whom l could have a conversation, true affection, and who would treat me as an equal, but l was throwing out all the wrong signals and not attracting that particular kind of guy. lt was always all about sex. On occassions l was persuaded or coerced into doing things like posing for topless photographs to be posted on the internet, feeling devalued about this on one level, yet not knowing how to say no to this. The catalyst for me was my involvement with my psycopathic ex. l was motivated to change after this relationship and to question myself and my reasons for doing the things l did. As you will gather from my previous posts l have come a long way in recovery, and beginning to get to know the person l would have been if my childhood had been different. My rreal lpersonality is emerging, slowly, subtly, becomming more prominent as time goes by. For the time being l am leaving relationships alone. l have an idea in my mind about the kind of guy l would like to spend the rest of my life with. He is someone who will be in every respect an equal, and who will appreciate me for who l am, not as arm candy, or a trophy partner, but until l become aware of the signals l am giving out and work on them, l am staying away from relationships. l may never recover sufficiently to be able to enter into a relationship and that is okay, for it is rewarding in itself learning to stand on my own two feet and be my own person without a need for external validation. l am learning to love myself in a way that is not conceited or vain and it's a beautiful journey.

Hi Janey -

May I ask please, how does an HP typically define their spouse/so to members of the fan club, or to their "insurance", as you lableled it?

By define, I mean how does the HP justify to the other men (men that want to hang on) their continued involvement with the spouse/so?

I eventually learned that my ex-hp's propensity for name dropping was a revelation of who the fan club members were, but I alway's wondered what she was telling them about me, what reasons she was giving them for staying with me. When I eventually disclosed to her my awareness of her fan club and my repeated harping on it, she caught on and simply quit takling about other men labeling it "my jealousies", but I knew she was still cultivating other men and could tell it by how she brought their names up. I onced asked her what she told them about me but I could never get a coherent answer which meant "I had her". Your comments?

ln some cases the guys would not be aware of each other, and in other cases, when l felt unhappy in the relationship, l would play on this and tell the other guy that l was unhappy, neglected, ignorred or whatever, and l suppose l would play on his sympathy. l felt no guilt whatsoever. Thinking back to those times, l am beginning to realise that my actions were cruel, selfish and inexcusable. My emotions were completely detached and cold. At the time l did not percieve this to be a problem and l am ashamed to say that l was actually proud of myself. The narcissists l was involved with used to objectify me, and l objectified the "normal" guys. lt was the classics scenario idealising and then devaluing of people that personality disordered people are so adept at. Deep down inside l longed for intimacy and could not see that this pseudo intimacy was a poor imitation. l want to be honest and tell it as it was, without trying to justify myself. l would be in denial if l were to make excuses for myself, and if l want to recover l have to confront the parts of me that are bad. l have to be accountable for my actions and to admit to them is half the battle. l am still not recovered enough to embark on another relationship, for l know l would repeat the same patterns again. ln some ways l have a great deal of insight, but not to the extent where l have discovered exactly why l acted in these ways in relationjships. ln reading of the pain that the nons are going through beacause of people like me, l realise the seriousness of my own actions. l want to apologise to the people on this post, not for any harm l have personally done to them, but on behalf of myself as the archetypal histrionic. That apology extends to you Jaymack. The thought that l may have affected people's whole way of viewing relationships to the extent that they may still carry scars to this day makes me realise that my

...cont...actions carrying far reaching consequences. These consequences may have affected any partners these guys subsequently met, and their children if they had any. What starts as a tiny ripple can so easily become a tidal wave. l am glad you posted, because l have certainly begun to think about consequences, and the effects of my actions. This is still only an intellectual realisation, but it is a start.

What about unprotected sex janey? Did you have ONSs without protection? Did you contract any STDs?

Hi Janey:
Thanks for those great posts. What you wrote corresponds to many things my X told me, because I think that initially our relationship was based upon us both pouring out (we both needed too for completely different reasons...); and without mentionning HP, she poured out about herself a great deal, and its almost a carbon copy of what you have said. The things she said made me love her more ("seemingly" so fragile...) whilst raising countless orange flags (that I conveniently and stupidly ignored for dangerously too long...). Good for you that you have managed to get in touch with your true self and have it challenge the fake one that initially took over your life and your relationships. I believe what you said about being passive and complying, and not being able to say no, so you would be loved, but then feeling fake; to be of extreme importance for those that have been in initmate relationships with an HP and are trying to unravel the knots on what happened. These are keys to understanding the None conventional, or absurd behaviour that is sometimes associated to a relationship with an HP. That you can now empathize with what itr feels like to be on the receiving end is a fantastic break through for you and your future partner(s).

Its great to see so many self-delcared HP on this forum these days. Good luck!

Take care,
Musician.

My HPD met boys online and she played with them sexually on first date. They have touched each other and so on. She also enjoyed webcam sex and she took naked pictures of herself when boys told her to. Then she enjoyed in compliments they gave to her. She had unprotected sex with boys she barely knew. On online dating sites she had very seducing pictures she almost showed her breasts. I am waiting for STD tests and I am very afraid of it.