Excuse Everybody Its All about Me!

I have no feelings of guilt. Even when I have done wrong to a good friend which I regularly do. This is bad. Guilt in relationship? If they have done anything I feel against me its "open season" and there will never be guilt in whatever I do because in my mind, they deserved it.

I lie all the time. Everyday a new lie. I lie so much. In relationships I am proud of my lies because if I couldn't do it I made it up. It works the same and I have the result I want. It almost impossible for me not to lie.

If I don't feel get a lot of attention in a social situation I'm not happy.

I have to be beautiful and I will do whatever it takes to stay beautiful. Beauty is key.

I love people. I see wonder in them. I am definitely not evil.

I feel scorned by my last relationship. He was a narcissist. I am intelligent enough to cut my losses but thank god I knew before we broke to cause great distress to him. I am afraid since he is now off limits in my book, I will take it out on the next few relationships that I have. I have taken my anger on one guy already leaving him heartbroken. I don't feel bad about this because he knew he was a rebound and he should of known better.

I'm not really that interested in changing just yet, but its in the back of my mind,

I would appreciate it if I was not made the villain in this forum. I have already accused of treating people inhumanly in my life.
I'm not proud of that.

Meow.

MissMeow wrote: but thank god I knew before we broke to cause great distress to him. I am afraid since he is now off limits in my book, I will take it out on the next few relationships that I have. I have taken my anger on one guy already leaving him heartbroken. I don't feel bad about this because he knew he was a rebound

MissMeow wrote: If they have done anything I feel against me its "open season" and there will never be guilt in whatever I do because in my mind, they deserved it.

MissMeow wrote: I am proud of my lies

MissMeow wrote:I have already accused of treating people inhumanly in my life.

MissMeow wrote:I am definitely not evil.

WOW - evil has just been re-defined! Well done for posting that honest insight though, but I fail to see how you can avoid being 'made a villain', I think you have already done that.

I thought I was being very honest which is huge for someone like me. I'm just getting started. Luckily, I really don't take all that much offense to comments going nowhere except up whoever post it big fat ass. I need to begin my process of recovery. I haven't quite convinced myself I need to yet. This is a safe place for me to be myself and gain an understanding of how my behavior affects others. You see, I do things but I never stick around to see the damage. Its hard to feel empathy for any of the stories I have read. I feel so much pain could of been avoided or cut short. At the same time, I know there is much more to it and that is what I want to understand. It's all about me but this time I'm trying to look at it as me and others.

meow

MissMeow wrote:I love people. I see wonder in them. I am definitely not evil.

I don't think you 'love' people. You may be dependent on them or fascinated by them but I don't think love is the correct word.

I don't think HPDs like yourself are necessarily evil but they do seem to have a hard time refraining from causing pain to others lol.

MissMeow wrote:I feel scorned by my last relationship. He was a narcissist. I am intelligent enough to cut my losses but thank god I knew before we broke to cause great distress to him. I am afraid since he is now off limits in my book, I will take it out on the next few relationships that I have. I have taken my anger on one guy already leaving him heartbroken. I don't feel bad about this because he knew he was a rebound and he should of known better.

Curious, why is he off limits now?

By the way, you seem to rationalise your behaviour a lot.

@asphyx
My X is a narcissist? Is that a good reason?
He's off limits because I made him that way. Unlike some of you posters who call yourselves "normal" I actually have some self control to know not to fool with people who can damage you, better that you can damage them. A narcissist is no match for me.

So what I rationalize my behavior.
It helps me play pregnant, miscarry, lets see, nervous breakdown, attempt suicide a million times, even thrown up on que.
Thats why I'm here. No one knows how crazy I am in relationships except me and the poor guy who falls for me.
I can lose myself and my self control but then I'm smart enough to know everything that is going on.
That is when I can put on the brakes.

Meow.

MissMeow wrote:My X is a narcissist? Is that a good reason?

Hence your boredom.

MissMeow wrote:A narcissist is no match for me.

I beg to differ. Are you a narcissist yourself?

No. N's are definitely one up on me.

Miss Meow, Sofrance and Fouquet:
I keep off this forum these days, but have read some recent posts last couple of days, and was quite fascinated and enlightened. Therefore, I shall allow myself an exception with this one post.

In the 3 years that I used this board regularly, I never noticed so many self expressed HP coming to it, therefore the content was flat and one sided. It is true that there is a lot of "woe is me" here, but I feel thats perfectly normal when someone has suffered a relationship so fraudulent that they make it to this forum, often desperate to understand. That understanding, you provide. Even though you are being met head on by angry people that have suffered; understanding what happened, and the feelings of the other person, is a first step back from the pain and suffering for those that having been intimate with an HP (or believe they have...). Subsequently those people can digest, then mourn, then move on. They get angry with you because what you say hurts and perhaps confirms (like me...) what their intuitions told them, but which they chose to ignore for longer than was safe for them. You are right that one can always walk away from a troubled relationship, but to do that, best know why (or suffer self-torture) when still in love with the other. I had to walk away, and i know i am not the only one for whom it has taken several years to come to terms with a cruel reality.

From what i have read, the information that you ladies are providing recently is of the utmost importance to healing others; HP and non. Please don't leave the forum because some members are giving you a rough ride. In most cases, I believe its just pain and/or a lack of understanding being expressed.

Thanks,
Musician

Relationships aren't a game with winners and losers. Being in a relationship is all about gaining trust and building a life together. To be with someone is to have your insecurities rub up against the other person's until they become something different entirely. Intimacey means work, trust, and being secure enough in yourself to show someone else your flaws and to be accepting of them when they also have flaws. Mutuall trust is a virtue and it changes who we are making us something different, and making us better people in the long run. Relationships, and trust are to be treasured when found. It's never about I did this to you because you did this to me. It's about hi this is who I am love me for my ideosyncracies and be honest with me when I have hurt you. Growth requires both the good and the bad.

MissMeow, the fact that you are on this site shows that you are beginning to get a shred of self awareness. You say you are not proud of what you have done, and even if you feel this on an intellectual level and not an emotional one (which l still do), you are beginning to gain some awareness. lt is not fair to make people suffer for the actions of an ex. Please get therapy, for if this disorder goes untreated, ultimately it will be you who suffers in the long term. lt will destroy you from the inside. Living with the hell of this disorder is like observing the world through opaque glass, a very lonely place to be. Please read my posts. l have come a long way and l am not even half way through my journey yet, but in order to come to the point where l am today l had to take a good and honest look at myself and decide to change. Please, please get therapy. You will be so glad you did when you wake up one day and feel like a real human being and not a robot. You will then begin to see the rreal beauty in the world. l really do wish you well.