Sons of mothers with HPD lifeline request

Hi. I am new to this forum. First of I want to say that I just recently discovered that my mother has HPD/NPD. For years I knew something was very wrong as I was being raised by my single and very sick mother. After doing some research I came across HPD and was checking off virtually every box of the symptoms. I broke down and cried like a baby. It was like having someone rip a blindfold from my eyes to see for the very first time. I knew all through those tortured teenage years that I was not the one who was crazy. Thats she had been gaslighting me for years. It explained to me finally at 43 years old, why I avoid deep relationships with women like the plague and why I am for the most part a loner to this day. Even though I have not lived with my mother in 25 years and do my best to avoid her she still drives me crazy. At 75 I would say she is getting even worse since her looks have gone. Every-time I hear the phone ring I cringe. My father said something about her to me (after he left her. Lucky bastard.), he said he dreaded putting the key in the lock when coming home from work because he never knew who would be on the other side of the door. I see that there are posts about people in romantic relationships with HPD's as well as daughters of HPD's. Are there any men out there who were raised by mothers with HPD? I would like to converse to see what their experience was like?

Wow. Not one male who was raised by an HPD mother? I feel more alone then ever. Okay, how about daughters? I was not trying to be sexist. I just know that the mother son relationship is different form mother daughter. I have another question but will post it as a new question.

Hello.

I kid you not, I just googled "sons of histrionic mothers" and your post was the only thing relevant that came up. My mother has never been officially diagnosed with HPD, but I was reading a DSM-IV book for a Psych paper in college and thought to myself, "damn this makes alot of sense regarding mom."

I don't know your story but I can absolutely relate to the "inability to have an intimate long-term relationship with a woman." I too have had this struggle in my life. Coupled with being an attractive guy with alot of opportunity to date different women, has lead to my own mother and sister, and other people questioning my sexual orientation before, even though I am 100% attracted to women physically and show no characteristics of a homosexual man. I have had two girlfriends in my life; one was a relationship where she literally always had to pursuade me to see her, and I wouldn't see her more than twice a week (long distance; perfect for a guy like me). The other was closer distance but I still would keep distance and only see her once maybe twice a week. As a result both of these women left, which really ripped some wounds open within me.

The biggest challenge for me? Dealing with the guilt that I find impossible to have a loving intimate relationship with my mother. Other men and women I know don't have the same opinions about their mothers that I do; "what a bad person I am for feeling this way."

Growing up....My mother was extremely loving, affectionate, involved in my life. So much so that other kids were jeealous of my sister and I; they wish their moms were as "nice" as my mom. And they were right, my mother was that nice...for a while....Slowly things changed as I entered my teens though. Then it became insanity, and I felt like the walls were closing in on me while living with her.

About my father (divorced from mom). "Son, I thought for longest time it was all my fault. I was so plagued with guilt about the divorce. The day I finally got freedom was the time when your mother had to work that trip on Thanksgiving and wouldn't be getting home until 5 pm. So she had me come cook the Thanksgiving dinner. I was there with you and your sister all day, everyone was getting along fine, the food was coming along fine. Then you mother walks in the door, and within 20 minutes it is complete chaos in the house. At that moment I had my relief, my guilt was lifted."

What is like having a mother like my mom? It is very difficult. Just being able to give another woman enough attention while dealing with my own mothers presence in my life is a heavy burden to carry, despite living 600 miles away from my mother. I would love to discuss more, but unfortunately I have other things to do right now. I created an account once I saw your post because I want you to know I understand everything you feel, believe me. I will post again soon.