HPD "Mother" and Facebook

As I sit here with a bottel fo wine, I'm going to tell you about my "mother's" recent behavior. Well since I have been on, she has been introduced to the wonderful world of facebook. oh yes, HPD and their facebook!! WTF!!!!
So she got a facebook account and the first thing I did was block her. Over the last 4 or 5 months since she has had it, she has proceeded to harrass everyone of her "friends", mainly about me. We barely speak due her inability to act like a normal human being. She doesn't work and is in the house all day everyday due to her "fibromyalgia" and other laundry list of medical problems. So she goes on the internet ALL day, unless she is sleeping. She will go on someones page and leave comments or say hi and so on, which is fine. But if she leaves a couple messages and they don't comment back, she gets HIGHLY insulted and sends them a message saying she doens't understand why they don't write her back , blag blah. Then I have people telling me about it and being like, what is up with your mother? She mainly harrasses my cousin. She sends her messages upon messages asking her why I do'nt talk to her and so on. Her recent thing is she is on her paranioa kick. She is insisting that me and my cousin went dancing a couple weekends ago and we are hiding it from her. Really?? She has asked everyone in my family if me and my cousin really went to the club and if they are lying for us. First off, we have no reason to lie. I was at my cousins house that DAY, but then drove home, they live in RI, I live in MA. She is always accusing people of lying to her. She was also insisting that I told people to not be friends with her on FB when I really didn't. Then she will put as her status "well guess i'm going to go off facebook for awhile since noone seems to want to comment on my page". What an asshole!! Then she friend requested my dads friend (my parents are divorced) and he didn't respond right away because he just hadn't been on. She ended up writing him a message saying, well i guess i understand why you don't want to be my friend blah blah. He was like, Rachael, what the hell is with your mother? I was going to accept her but i hadn't been on. She is such an embrassement, I hate her! Then she is sending messages to my cousins half sister. Her half sister is not blood related to my mother AT ALL. She writes all about how she doesn't understand why me and her have a bad relationship and why I'm mad at her. And then she will talk $#%^ about my whole family, to my cousins half sister!!! Hello! She is so desperate for attention she will email and talk to anyone who will listen! Her only friends are people she "met" in AOL chat rooms. She goes in the disabled chat rooms to look for people who understand her pain. Yeah ok. She even gets into fights with them! She one time threatend to kill herself to one of her chat room friends and the lady ended up calling the police in the city my mother lives in and the cops showed up, of course she wasn't going to kill herself. BUT she almost got arrested cause she had just smoked pot and it reeked in the house. Only my mother can fight people she hasn't acutually met!
I have been on hiatus from her except for the holidays just to make everyting easier. So because I refuse to speak to or see her, she harrasses everyone she knows, even just casually knows. I just don't know what to do anymore. Oh and she has her "sexy pictures" on her page. Ones that she has from when she was in her 20's in bikinis and so on. none naked thank god! lol! But it's embarassing!
I know to some of you this probably seems trival, but I am 32 years old and have been dealing with this type of behavior since I was 12. She has done waaaaaaay worse stuff than this. Mostly in the form of jealousy and paranioa and just constant harrassment and attention seeking behavior. She is constantly the victim. Oh she also is a drug addict. Percs mostly. She has been on Xanax for over 20 years. She takes so many percs that when she went in for a scope prodecure in the hospital, they tried to sedate her, AND IT WOULDN'T WORK. Oh I should probably add that she weighs about 85 pounds because she refuses to eat because she says when she does she gets sever pain in her stomach. She eats rice and that's about it. And everytime she is seeing a shrink that calls her out on her HPD and OCD and other problems, she switches doctors. And she won't go in the psych ward like doctors have tried to get her to do, her reason, they won't give her enough medication for her pain.
I feel so helpless and responsible for her making eveyrone around her insane. I just can't have a relationship with her anymore. I can't wait for her to just die. I know thats horrible, but it's the truth. So this was my rant. No one has to respond...there really isn't much to say beside she is nuts, which i know, and to stay away from her, which I try. I just needed to "talk" to someone cause my poor hubby can't hear anymore : ( I hate to constantly tell him about the new thing my mother has done now. Plus it's hard for him to understadn because his family is "normal". Anyway, thanks for reading lol

What do you care about such a person?; and why are you even checking up on what she's doing on Facebook? All you have to do is block/ignore her and then move on with your life. If she sends you a message, don't even read it - just delete it straightaway. If needs be, get a new email address and facebook account. You are only making your situiation worse by following up on what she does. Let her live in her own filthy world, while you get on with your own life.

I know that I am making it seem as if my view of your situation is something of a trivial nature, but that is not the case at all. I have been in your situation and I therefore know what it feels like; but i also therefore know how to best get out of it (read above).

Kevin

Apparently you didn't read the whole post. SHE IS MY MOTHER. Makes it a little hard to just, get them out of your life. I'm not whining about a boyfriend like some people. At least a BF or GF you can literally not speak to them again. A little hard to never see or speak to your mom again when she goes around telling everyone in my family she is going to kill herself if I don't talk to her. AND I have to see her at family things around the holidays. You also didn't read all of it cause then you would had seen that I said PEOPLE COME TO ME!!! Because she is writing them letters being mad at them for not commenting on her status or going on her page and saying hi. So I'm not checking up on her. The first thing I wrote was that I blocked her the second she got on FB. So before you start commenting on people's posts and trying to be helpful. Try reading the post.

I did read your post, and I was - and am - very aware that she is your mother. Why does anything I say not stand as good advice though? If you take what I said in the metaphysical sense, yuo can still do all of that in your mind. You might live with her, but you can still live your life separated from her in your own mind. That is what I was alluding to by everything I wrote, and - yes - I also managed to read what you wrote about people going to yuo. My advice still stands in this instance, but again in the metaphysical/mental sense.

I am aware that you now have little respect for me, but I believe that you have misinterpretted what I wrote. Considering that we have gotten off on a bad footing, however, I will not reply anymore.

Take care. i hope that someone else replies to help you out my friend.

Kevin

I don't really think there are any easy solutions here.

Because she is your Mother *and* because you unfortunately cannot control how she behaves, the only thing you can really do is to remove yourself as much as possible from the drama. One step might be removing yourself from Facebook? I think FB just perpetuates a lot of drama in itself (okay, maybe not the medium itself but a lot of people who use it). Or if nothing else, when people come to you and comment on things she's written, just very simply and nicely tell them that you have nothing to do with what she does or writes and if they have questions, they should ask her directly, that you really don't want to become involved in her drama as it has nothing to do with you. You would think that people in the family, over time, have learned that she's not exactly stable?

Don't know what else to advise - other than maybe some therapy for you, so that you can learn how to detach yourself more from her behavior. It really IS no reflection of you. Also, just because she's your mother, doesn't mean you can't detach yourself from her. We unfortunately cannot choose our parents or family members and sometimes they are very toxic to us. Sometimes we have to learn boundaries, how to detach ourselves?

Hi,
I am sorry to hear that your mothers illness stretches out to hit many lives, especially you and your family and friends.
You said you blocked her, and if others come to you asking what is up with you mother, tell the people,
If they really want to know ask her. You are not responsible for her actions.
Has she been dx'd by a doctor? Seems it would help if she was seen.
All my best to you,
Red

I know exactly how it feels like being stalked by your own mother, I've grown up with a mother with severe borderline personality disorder, narcistic personality disorder and ADHD. Who made the majority of my childhood a living hell with her constant attacking, verbal and emotional abuse, she could turn any minute and want to throw me or my brother out if we did anything that could anger her, which ment having to take responsibility for cooking, cleaning the house, helping her with her job which she was on the bound to lose all the time because of her alcoholism inability to finish projects, staying focused, picking fights with all the other employees... She had conflicts with everyone, her relatives, friends, neighbours which was very distressing for me, and having to listen to how people where sceming behind her back etc.

I'm 22 now and I haven't had any contact with her for over 2 years now, and It's been really hard to cut her off since It also ment cutting contact with all my relatives on her side, since she controls her parents who are over 80 years old, exploiting her parents economically, she even goes to her parents to eat since she's to lazy to cook herself, and they had to take much responsibility for me and my brother when we where younger since my mom is so incapable of taking any responsibility.
She doesn't even know where I live or where I go to school and I'm afraid that she'll show up on my doorstep one day.
I also suffer from complex ptsd (and have nightmares about her many times a week) and severe depression on and off from all the childhood traumas that I had when I was younger, but I'm so glad that I don't have anything to do with her now, she was pure poison to my mental health and that not having her in my life has made my life so much easier, rather than having to be afraid of her next tantrum, being accused of bizarre thing, being told I'm fat, ugly etc.

I actually think it sounds like your mother is more borderline and histrionic, (but she probably has both as you suspect).

I think that you should try ignore her as much as you can, stop answering phone calls (I've changed cellphone number 2 times cause I don't want her to know my number), blocking her on facebook and try to declare to your friends that your mother is mentally ill and that you can't do anything about her behaviour.
You are not responsible to stay in contact with her, I don't think you should have to suffer any longer, she has destroyed enough of your life. It's time for her to take the consequenses of her behaviour towards you.

Oh ras, I think in some ways you're describing my own mother. I've had the same issues with her since she got on FB. I ended up blocking her and her partner (who told me my blocking them was "like a death" ... *stare*... ) and have gotten emails from family and friends asking me what the hell was wrong with my mother. I ended up telling them that the behavior she is exhibiting is WHY I blocked her, and if they have a problem with the behavior, confront her or delete her as well. It's really the only way I maintain my sanity. Just nicely ask them not to relay her crazy behavior to you. It doesn't do anything to help you move on or keep yourself "on sabbatical" from her.

I agree with what Chucky and the others have advised. Keep your distance, both physically and mentally, as much as possible. Recognize you can't control her behavior, but you can control your own. I don't think removing yourself from FB should be the first step, but it certainly can be the last one if it comes to that. (I'm addicted to FB and I love it as a social utility, and plus, I was on it long before her when it was just for college students. )