Sincere ?

by **jcjs33** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 3:07 am

i swear i think this is true of my HPD...always when with her when i shared something she sucked up every ounce of what i was saying like a very interested 'student'...i'd tangent in my wonderful bipolar style which hardly anyone can understand let alone want to pay attention to...i'd go all over the place when stoned...i'd get lost in what i was saying...and , by golly , she knew exactly the thread of the whole story i was telling her...eyes wide open, jaw a little dropped, leaning forward paying attention to my every word knowing what i was talking about keeping track of what i was saying and where i was at always seeking for truth and knowledge as teachable as they come nodding her head the whole time like a little kid...and i am darn near certain it was sincere of her...i do think she just can't put the knowledge into action...she incorporates all the gems i convey to her but doesn't seem able to do anything about helping herself with the knowledge she knows would help her get out of her rut or cruddy mood or opinion of herself....point: is she sincere, for real, or is the interest phony?

Your question is hard to answer because sincerity doesn't mean the same thing for an HPD as it does for a 'normal' person. Yes, she was sincere, in that she was paying attention to your every word and focused entirely on you. No, she wasn't sincere, in her focus was on you focusing on her, not on what you were saying.

by **Rescued** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 3:09 pm

Ah, Tattered Knight. You hit the nail on the head, as usual.

Thank you.

by **jcjs33** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 5:55 pm

thanks , TK, i think she might be focusing on the content to understand what i was saying which she HAD to be doing to know all of what i was talking about plus she was doing it craving my attention...i was sharing to impress her to get her attention for myself, to give her important information...pretty much , we're doing the same thing basically paying attention to each other for , at least , 3 reasons...attention to self, attention to other and to understand...i think 'normal' people probably do this too...so, i disagree to the extent she isn't doing it 'just' to get attention...in fact, when it comes down to it i can't really know...

by **pf65198563** » Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:11 am

TatteredKnight wrote:
jcjs33 wrote:point: is she sincere, for real, or is the interest phony?

Your question is hard to answer because sincerity doesn't mean the same thing for an HPD as it does for a 'normal' person. Yes, she was sincere, in that she was paying attention to your every word and focused entirely on you. No, she wasn't sincere, in her focus was on you focusing on her, not on what you were saying.

yes in my case, recalling explaining things to her, whether it be on a topic, or that someone might have bad motives (back when i regarded her complaining about how someone treated her as a legit and sincere complaint), this is exactly it. The content didn't matter, it was receiving attention and focus from someone who was deemed valuable at the time.

also, take note that TK says that sincerity doesn't mean the same thing to an HPD traited person as you. Not much means the same thing to them as you, so it's a kind of circle if you take words or phrases like 'sincere' or 'did they really care about me', and convincing yourself that they fail if you hold them to that, because they simply have another definition for it that they fit. Someone described them as 'emotionally cross wired', and i think that describes this well.

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