Checking in asking for advice

Hi everyone

For the people that don't know me I was a victim of a HPD female. I have a son with her and its been 17 months since she split 10days before I was going to marry her. Thank god she did...I got lucky. Someone was watching over me!

I just wanted to touch base with everyone to ask for advice...I hope you all are doing well and please listen to some of these wise souls in this forum. My recovery started here when I was looking for answers. However, since I have a child with a HPD I have to deal with her on a regular basis. I have a new life. A great life now...but one thing has never been easy and that has been my ex HPD but I have learned to reflect a lot of her energy and manipulation and drama. So much so that I laugh time to time because its really amusing and almost embarrassing. What I mean is how much you can see through them once you are healthy again. I shake my head sometimes and think I must have been a idiot. My question is this...

I'm a single dad to a mother of a HPD. I have met a wonderful NORMAL LOL girl who I adore and respect so much. This girl is the real deal. She is a loving and caring and sweet sensitive girl that respects me and she isnt afraid to show me love and kindness.

However, she wants to know about my babies mom who is HPD. How do I ever explain to her what happened to me? How do I talk to her about this without her thinking I'm not over it or that I'm caught up on her? How can you really tell someone this bizzar story without them looking at you weird? Its almost impossible.

I tried to briefly tell her about the HPD and it comes out wrong but I'm only trying to prepare her for how she is because I have a son with this HPD. I notice I cant tell my wonderful girlfriend about my past without it sounding pathetic then I get frustrated. But I want to prepare her for what I go through on a weekly basis. How do you tell someone that? HPD doesn't sound real to other people...it sounds like you are still emotionally hung up when you go to explain this to someone you care about.

They fact is that i am at peace with myself and I love this girl I have been seeing and she loves me but I still cant explain to her the hell that will always follow me.

I have learned to reflect a lot and go about my daily life but my ex HPD still tries her hardest to give me drama and grieve on a weekly basis for no apparent reason besides she is HPD. She still tries to put her fangs in me and dangle my son in my face while acting like a loving mother. Its sick but I learned to keep going and to keep close to my son who needs real love and support. I put up with a lot without flinching because my son needs me. Needs a DAD who is loving and kind and honest and true.

The bottom line I dont know how to tell my story nor do I have the energy to talk about her....I told my girlfriend... Yes I got manipulated and lied to on a daily basis and it was all an act...and tried to tell her a little about hpd and she looked at me as if I wasnt over it...lol! $#%^! I told her my parents can explain it to you because I cant explain it without looking like a jackass....she still didn't get it but no one ever really does....not even most victims. My girlfriend wants to understand it but I told her once you meet her you will fall victim to her charm and think she is a sweet girl....she looked at me weird again like I wasnt over her.

im at a lose for words...im a honest person yet It seems that I cant get anyone to ever get it...the only person who understands is this forum and my parents. Gez go figure...

Hey CM,

Good to hear that you're doing so well.

Maybe there's an old movie, or an actress that you can compare her to.

Mine is like Jenny from Forrest Gump..........but worse!

And I was as dumb as Forrest once upon a time.


ALWN

Hey my man very good to hear from you!

Looks like you are rebuilding your life nicely! More important, you clearly see the HPD for what she really is, and I like how your keeping your son't best interests in the forefront. Bravo to you!

Regarding your girlfriend. Well I can't say I don't blame her. I remember how hard it was for me to believe and heck I was in the relationship with an HPD! What a relief it was to find this site and to be with people who really understood what I was going through

and CMJ therin is your answer

In other words, show her this thread and invite her to read this forum. In order to fully understand what you went through and are still to some degree going through, have her immerse herself into your threads. This will not only show what pain and anguish you went through, but it will also give your girlfriend some insight into why you feel the need to warn and explain to her the lunacy that is HPD. I have a feeling after she reads a few threads she will begin to understand the seriousness of her disorder and empathise with your own journey

Have her read this site and the other members many struggles. Get her knowledgable about HPD. If you are beginning to get serious with this woman, she will need to know what she is dealing with in your ex-HPD. She needs to be able to see beyond her mask and understand that manipulating is her only way of life. It will also help you to keep a united front against her. I wouldn't be suprised if the HPD tries to initially win her over and try and sabotage your relationship. Get your girlfriend prepared.

A book that I would recommend is 'The Sociopath Next Door' by Martha Stoudt Ph.D. The book does an excellent job of describing a disordered person's twisted mentality, and it shows how very good they are at initially hiding behind their masks. The book gives multiple descriptions of how they do this and they offer numerous examples. The book also was very helpful to me in my own healing. Her insights are gold.

Other sites which may be helpful:

http://counsellingresource.com/distress ... part2.html

http://counsellingresource.com/distress ... part3.html

Glad to hear your doing well. Keep us updated when ya can

All the best

It's natural to be at a loss to explain something like hpd and the dynamic they work by. That much hurt is gonna shadow any conversation about the topic. I've had the same problem, so can relate. We see things from a personal perspective, so communicating that to a person who sees from their OWN perspective can be frustrating. That said, there's two ideas

1. Find a mental health practitioner who deals with HPD and their victims. Explain the trouble you're having exactly like you've here, then bring your lady and have him explain, describe, etc. A therapist's JOB is understanding the disorder and will have years of study and a clinical perspective.


2. Find a social worker, case worker, or similar public health pro and have the same discussion with THEM. The advantage here is that a social workers education isn't geared to therapy, but towards dealing with the wreckage, actions, and what to expect from an HPD. Their job will give them a more reali world perspective because they'll have actually gone to the ... "natural habitat" and taken action in response to an HPD's dysfunction. *chuckling* just make sure to ask em NOT to be too scary in their description.

It'l take spme legwork and money, but well worth it. And effective. I had never heard of HPD till a chance conversation with a social worker buddy of mine. Three seconds into. My description of the ex he interrupted and said; "she sounds like a histrionic". My "huh?" Began a long detailed description from him that was so perfect in every detail that it was kinda creepy.the ex is in texarkana, and we were in portland oregon, but I still had 2 wonder if he actually DID know her. Lol. That's how identifiable and alike HPD's are. ..

Hey cmj,

I can only tell you what I've done so far: I gave my new bf the same general description of my former relationship I give everyone else. Didn't go into the HPD at all. Then as things come up (because my ex does resurface every so often, even without kids involved) we discuss as needed. Over a couple months' time, my bf has characterized my ex as a loser based on his actions - no badmouthing required on my end.

Which is good, I think. I just don't know if it is a good idea to go into too much detail, you don't need all that hanging around in your new relationship.

And if it's still on your mind so much that you really feel the need to talk about it, that type of discussion is probably better done with a therapist or a non-romantic friend.

Just my opinion, not a lot of experience behind it so far. Let me know how it goes. caro