HPD, depression and dissociation...

by **Emerald31** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:08 pm

Hello, new to forum and a big thank you as I'm not sure where I would be if hadn't found this website.
I'm slowly recovering from a relationship with someone who ticks all the HPD boxes but is probably a mixed bag..
Have a question. Does anyone have experience of HPD's going through depression? I understand they are more prone to it when subjected to stress or relationship breakdown and have read that possible coping mechanisms can include dissociation and the development of split personality.

Hi Emerald,

I can comment on this based only upon observation of my ex-HPD. Before I knew she was HPD, but after I knew that there was something very strange afoot, I mentioned to a confidante, "it's like she is dissociating, or has a split personality, or something!"

In hindsight, it seems to me that rather than deal with pain, my ex "split" into more than one person. As we never lived together (she was married, I was the "affair") most of the time when I saw her she was in her "persona." There were a few times, though, that I saw her literally turn into someone else before my eyes, i.e. extreme withdrawal/shutting down. Also, after I ended the relationship (realizing that things perhaps weren't as bad with her husband as she claimed them to be, since she was taking no steps to leave) she engaged in some bizarre behavior in an attempt to get me back, but denied engaging in that behavior. I actually wondered whether perhaps she really didn't remember/realize that she engaged in that behavior? Or, perhaps it's just that she could NEVER ADMIT to pining for me or engaging in subterfuge to get my attention?

by **MyWave** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 10:55 pm

Emerald31 welcome to the forum. Glad you found us.

My HPD battled depression mixed with fears of abandonment constantly. You could see the signs clearly as well as by watching her actions. She always had a horrible time being alone and would often get attention with somatic complaints. Once she got you to stay with that, her next form of manipulation was provacative sex.

She didn't know how to deal with the depression any other way. She rejected medication as she proclaimed it made her feel a 'zombie'. However, I did notice her constant craving for pain meds :roll:

She had more doctors than Elvis

Basically she was addicted to anything or anyone who could occupy her mind away from looking at her self. Being alone and having to look in the mirror always caused her the most stress

by **tin777** » Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:01 am

I fit all 8 of the criterion for HPD. And take it from me, the depression is real, and it's horrible. It's not just a sadness or melancholy. But an absolute despair, feeling that your life is destined for doom and failure, and that there is nothing in your power to change that, you feel like any action you take to make things better will fail, so why bother? And so you dissociate. You find something to distract you from your own despair and powerlessness. You delve into a marathon of some TV series, or Video Games or anything to focus on, but your depression. When I think of suicide, I don't think of escape, I think of how the world needs to be rid of my type. I'm unproductive, and unfit for society, I must be eliminated for the good of the world. And when I realize I'm not even scared to die anymore, that's when I finally cry. Cry because I was about to hurt people who DO care, and that makes me a bad person. Cry because whether I live or die, I only cause suffering.

Ok, wow, that was a little too deep for me to be thinking right now, I'm here to learn how to cope, not send myself back into a downward spiral.

by **caro81VA** » Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:46 pm

My HPD was diagnosed with depression and medicated accordingly.... the medication helped with the depression symptoms but did not change the PD.

HPD, depression and dissociation...

HPD, depression and dissociation...

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