HPD men

by **sfguy** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:49 pm

Hello. I'm curious why most HPD cases happen in women.

I've come up with a theory that could be completely wrong, but I'll put it out as a starting point for discussion. My theory is based on the different attitudes towards sex that men and women have. Women can flirt and act very provocatively and slutty. They might be despised for it by polite society, but there's no shortage of pervy men who will respond and join her "fan club" for the chance to maybe get a little more. In general, women don't act the same way towards men, if a man tried to act the way an HPD female acted, most women would just find it creepy. It might work for a few men with great looks, high social status, or other particular features that correlate with sexual success, but it wouldn't work for most.

So, a man who has a similar underlying personality disorder and craving for supply simply can't get it by acting HPD. The man will have to become NPD instead and seek money, power, and the kind of status that indirectly can win him female attention.

I'd like to hear other thoughts, and especially if there's been any scientific research into the topic?

Well, I've certainly read (wish I could remember where) that NPD and HPD are like sides of the same coin. I think you're going in the right direction with this anyway. The root cause appears to be very similar in both cases. The way it's expressed is also very similar, with the distinction (as you say) that women can use their sexual attractiveness to procure sources of supply whereas men can't to the same extent, so they develop other behaviours to secure that supply.

You know the saying, "the hot ones are always crazy"? It must be very confusing for a pretty girl to reach 14 or 15 and suddenly have half of the adult population secretly (or sometimes not so secretly) wanting to do heretofore unthinkable things to her body. And it must mess with their heads finding out that males of all ages will suddenly do almost anything they ask for the mere suggestion of a promise of sex.

by **Roni** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:30 pm

This is a really great article that includes differences between HPD women and men:

http://web.archive.org/web/200604270546 ... ddhome.htm

(Click on Our Desk, and then Histrionic Personality Disorder, full text)

by **caro81VA** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:02 pm

I think you give some reasons why HPD is diagnosed more frequently in women - which is not the same as HPD being more prevalent in women.

Basically, any HPD is using manipulation to get attention and have someone take care of them. The type of manipulation they use will be extremely emotional and dramatic - but it will also be tailored for the person they're trying to manipulate. A female HPD trying to manipulate a man will probably try sex first, because it's the easiest and most direct way to control a man. A male HPD trying to manipulate a woman will probably have to find other means - and (my personal experience) will start off using shallow romantic gestures and temper tantrums to get what he wants.

Either way (NPD or HPD) it's about control but I don't think the male HPD has the need for status and overt authority that an NPD would. As an HPD, he's still going to use an emotional/dramatic approach. I haven't read as much on NPD and have less personal experience, so someone else may have more to contribute on that side.

by **Roni** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:06 pm

P.S., also the DSM-IV says "The behavioral expression of HPD may be influenced by sex role stereotypes. For example, a man with this disorder may dress and behave in a manner often identified as "macho" and may seek to be the center of attention by bragging about athletic skills, whereas a woman, for example, may choose very feminine clothes and talk about how much she impressed her dance instructor."

by **Violin** » Fri Aug 07, 2009 3:55 pm

There are HPD men, though many of them are either bisexual or homosexual.

For example, my therapist says I have a HPD bent to my NPD. I am very, very emotional when I want attention and can fake empathy pretty good. People have openly said I should be an actor--I don't like it. I am not trying to act. I am just trying to be engaging in conversation but I overdue it apparently. I am also bisexual, though my sexuality is complicated and imperceptible to the external world at the moment, as is the rest of me--hence the god complex.

by **sfguy** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:00 pm

caro81VA wrote:and (my personal experience) will start off using shallow romantic gestures and temper tantrums to get what he wants.

Why temper tantrums? Does that attract women? Really?

by **Balderdash** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:23 pm

Well, I have a male friend with HPD, and while he does his best with his appearance, he's short, scrawny, and with a slightly receding hairline that he's fighting hard to stop. Also, while he's a metro sexual, and has a problem with people thinking he's gay, he's never shown any indication that he likes guys.

I think that the reason that woman get diagnosed with HPD more often is because at the end of the day HPD is about connections. Women tend to have a stronger need to connect with people then men do. Narcissism more about control. This is a need that you typically find more in men.

Also, the way my friend gets women he likes is through acting as if he were highly successful, and showering the girl with the undivided attention that comes with the disorder. He gives the impression that he could have any girl he wanted, but he chose her, and she is wonderful. These emotions cause an emotional high in the girl he's talking to that's hard to resist. In the end, it's not so different from what the women do, is it?

by **sfguy** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 10:55 pm

Balderdash wrote: He gives the impression that he could have any girl he wanted, but he chose her, and she is wonderful.

Sure sure, that's what every seduction manual teaches. I guess the conclusion is that women can just put on revealing clothes and go out, whereas the man has to put some practice and skill into it. And those same skills work in business and all other aspects of life so why stop with women? Hence NPD instead of HPD. OK that makes sense. Women get HPD because acting slutty is an easier way to get supply that men don't have available to them -- so women don't learn all the other tricks of gaining power that could make them NPD.
Does that sound like a reasonable theory?

Still wondering about the temper tantrums? That's just weird if true.

by **Balderdash** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 11:14 pm

sfguy75x wrote:
Balderdash wrote: He gives the impression that he could have any girl he wanted, but he chose her, and she is wonderful.

Sure sure, that's what every seduction manual teaches. I guess the conclusion is that women can just put on revealing clothes and go out, whereas the man has to put some practice and skill into it. And those same skills work in business and all other aspects of life so why stop with women? Hence NPD instead of HPD. OK that makes sense. Women get HPD because acting slutty is an easier way to get supply that men don't have available to them -- so women don't learn all the other tricks of gaining power that could make them NPD.
Does that sound like a reasonable theory?

Still wondering about the temper tantrums? That's just weird if true.

I recently added some links to the thread I have up trying to clear up the differences between NPD and HPD. I honestly think that the difference is more then that. My friend does have some Narcissistic traits, but while a lot of the tools are the same, I can't think of them as the same thing. The HPD needs emotional closeness, and such thoughts are anathema to someone with NPD. I also think that because a lot of the tools they use are the same, that it is easy to misdiagnose the two.

EDIT: I'm assuming the tantrums are either the sign of a misdiagnosed NPD, or a case of a HPD going through something that bothers them. HPDs are a lot like children emotionally, while for NPDs it's a method of control. Either way, I doubt the tantrums are about attraction, so much as getting his way.

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