HPD ruined my relationship and reputation smeared

My XBF is having a very hard time getting over his divorce, where his X abused drugs and cheated. He has 2 little girls and full custody. I dated him for 3 months before I really saw the signs that he just wasnt ready or over it yet, but thats another story. His BFF is HPD, IMO, she hasnt been dignosed or anything. She destroyed me.

She fixed us up, full well knowing that he was on the rebound, and convinced me to date him and that he "loved me" despite my initial doubts. They have been friends, or, more accurately, drinking buddies, for about 8 years. They do not sleep together, he says she is like his "Sister". She gets jobs at bars, gets fired, gets another job, ect...and he goes wherever she is to drink and party with her. When I met him, he told me once, out of the clear blue, that I would "never break up" the friendship he has with the BFF/HPD....not that I was even trying to. Maybe someone did try in the past, thats why it was brought up?

I accepted her because I knew they were friends. Anyway, he runs to her and tells her all of his problems, complains incessantly about the divorce/Ex, and takes her "advice". One time, he got pissed off at her over something she accused me of, (that wasnt real or true) and he wouldnt talk to her. He defended me ,and wasnt on her side. It blew over, but about a week later, he started getting wierd, distant, and he gave me some big uncalled for lecture about "his kids and how much he loved them". Next thing I know, we are suddenly broke up. Later he said it was because the "fighting wasnt good for his kids." She used the kids to get him to dump me, in a nutshell.

It all happened in the bar where she worked, and she was drunk and tried to physically fight with me while the breakup was happening, there was all this Drama, and we were all upset. I now know it was a set up to get me kicked out, because she worked there Bartending.

She then proceeded to smear me to all my former friends there, anyone who would listen, and my Ex participated in the campaign, parroting everything she said and adding some of his own. I couldnt even be there to defend myself. I went back to the bar once, to see some friends and get them to come outside to talk to me, and was threatened with a "restraining order". She then started making stuff up about how I posted things about her on the internet, keyed cars, ect...none of which I ever did. My Ex also threatened a restraining order when I called to complain about how he was talking about me to others, because it was ALL getting back to me.

She fixed Ex up with 2 different women since we broke up, and neither has worked out for him. Now he is alone and more up her A$$ than ever. He has contacted me behind her back a few times since then, all the while keeping up the front that he "hates" me for her and the Bar.


My Ex is totally being manipulated, my friendships are ruined, she looks like the Victim in the fight, because she was defending her good friend....there is nothing I can do. She has even told people that she has MS and Cancer, and they believe her. She is 43, dresses like she's 23, and had EE breast implants, and wears a ton of jewelery and a wig. She also has the fan club of men at the bar...my Ex is one of them. Why cant he see her? The only comment he ever made to me was that "she sure has been causing trouble since she got sick"....lol.

Is there anything I can do? I know the Ex misses me, but she has this strange hold over him right now, and he is blind to what she is.

OMG...this is driving me insane...I want revenge and i am very angry with her. Please someone answer...something, any kind of advice would help.

Stop having any contact with your ex and find a new bar. People will talk behind your back and make it uncomfortable for you to be somewhere you formerly enjoyed, that's life. Keep on keeping on.

Thanks...I guess its just very frustratign to me to lose all these friends over her. She is the first HPD I have ever met, and her interfering in my life has caused me a lot of pain. I already found a new bar, and I havent responded to the Ex. I just dont understand the manipulative pull....what is it??? Some people can see through her right away, others never do, I guess.

The 'promise' of sex makes men overlook a LOT of things. Double E tits make it even harder to discern a woman's personality.

LOL....you have a point...but they are just friends. Hmmmmm...then again, who really knows, he is hanging around for a reason.

It's the pyschopathic bond.

Here's a link to someone's blog which discusses it a bit: http://withoutempathy.blogspot.com/

Once the psychopathic bond is formed, the victim tends to overlook a lot of questionable behaviour.

Thanks...I think I may understand now....I talked to a few people who were watching from the sidelines , and most people at the bar see right through her and/or hate her. He seems to worship the ground she walks on, and doesnt realize that anything is wrong, or that he is being manipulated for attention at all. He's needy and heartbroken, and she tells him it's ok, the EXGF/XWF's are all crazy, strokes his ego, hands him another beer, and finds women for him to emotionally slaughter.

It's not like its going to fix anything for me as far as the relationship, but I'm just disgusted that she got involved and made a bad situation so much more painful for me. And, she knows he is on the rebound and not ready for a relationship, but continues to fix him up with innocent women, and encourage the relationships when they have doubts, like I did. She took the liberty of rubbing it in my face in the end, telling me condescendingly that "he should be just dating right now, he IS still not over his Ex Wife". She denied it when I brought it up before, telling me that he loved me.

Wouldnt a true friend tell him to stop what he's doing and take some time out, re-think things, stop hurting and using people, maybe accept his divorce and maybe see a counselor?

I think she gets off on peoples pain. Also, I found out that she has sex with the Bar Owner and owes him $, so she pretty much runs the whole show there.

Andrea621 wrote:It's not like its going to fix anything for me as far as the relationship, but I'm just disgusted that she got involved and made a bad situation so much more painful for me. And, she knows he is on the rebound and not ready for a relationship, but continues to fix him up with innocent women, and encourage the relationships when they have doubts, like I did. She took the liberty of rubbing it in my face in the end, telling me condescendingly that "he should be just dating right now, he IS still not over his Ex Wife". She denied it when I brought it up before, telling me that he loved me.

Wouldnt a true friend tell him to stop what he's doing and take some time out, re-think things, stop hurting and using people, maybe accept his divorce and maybe see a counselor?

I think she gets off on peoples pain.

Your right a true friend would never do this to another. However as you have correctly noted, she is no friend. She is only a friend to pain. She views him and every other human who walks the planet as an object, a source of supply. This guy also does himself no favors by staying in the swirl of destruction, but all of us can attest to staying longer, much longer than we ever should have.

She keeps throwing women his way to keep him fogged, wounded, and drugged. This way he can never really heal, which also means he will have a harder time of breaking away and seeing her for the sociopath she truly is. She is playing him like a puppet and the slow dance of death plays in the background. She truly does get off on people's pain, and I believe the more intimate her victim has been with her, the more she gets off on their destruction.

This is why no contact is really the only way to heal. I hope in time your friend will see that. Some people have a very hard time seeing through it all. The HPD will drug you with their need for constant attention and drama, to the point where you existed and dizzy from the nonstop chaos. You start mixing in a bar situation with drink and drug and you soon will have a truly lost soul, which in a ironic sense matches the hollow soul of the HPD

Martha Stout wrote a chilling book entitled 'The sociaopath next door". A very intriguing read about how the disordered are truly predators who become masters of deception. I think it would be a great read for you to explore as you will see plenty of 'ah-ha' moments when reading this book.

I hope for your sake you firmly decide to get out of harm's way. At the end of the day it is a choice for all of us to make. You can only encourage others...it is up to them whether they can or are ready to heal from the abuse

Glad you can see it

Thanks so much. He is lost in his own miserable recently divorced world right now, she's not helping him out at all...just keeping him down there with her, she really gets off on him running to her with all his drama, and sitting with her at the bar all the time because he has no one else. If I try to tell him, he will only accuse me of being jealous or crazy.

The sad part is that I really cared about him, and we might have made it, despite all his divorce problems, if it werent for her interference and scaring him about his children. How low can you go?

I have cut off contact as much as possible, there are still some mutual frienemys that stop in the new bar I visit from time to time, but they either ignore me or talk behind her back about how fake she is and how much they hate her. If I disappear in shame, she wins, so I cant do that entirely. I just need to walk away from them all, him included, and heal MY pain. I only hope that he gets over his divorce and wakes up, or he may find himself sitting there with her forever, drunk and miserable and alone. And she will still be the most important person in his life....God forbid.