Tsumani...

I loved her in college 10 years back, but it didnt work out.
I met her again a year back on IM. She asked me for some money
and I gave it to her. From then onwards, she started talking to me
on phone. Sometimes we used to talk whole nights. She told me
that she was breaking up with her husband back in india. I asked her
for reasons and her reasons were so trivial..that I actually told her
to go back to him. But, She kept on calling me all the time.

I asked her to come to US with all expenses paid by me. She came to
NYC and we had sex on the first day itself. We had a great honeymoon
for 3 months. Beauty wise, she is above average. She made me buy her
lot of clothes. She wears those clothes and stares herself in the mirrors
and also seduce me. She behaved as if
she loves me a lot. She hugs me tight during sleep. It appears as if
she takes care of me a lot..and I fell for her. While driving her back
to canada, she told me that she married a guy before her present husband,
and I was surprised. But all the 'love' showed to me by her, made me blind
to that surpise. I again asked her the reason why she left him. Again, she
gives me trivial reasons like that guy loves her mother a lot and all that.

I dropped her in toronto and came back. She starts calling me every day..
like once for every 2 hrs. She says that she loves me a lot and cannot
live without me. I told her that it is not possible for me to stay with her.
My mind took control of my heart. But, she wouldnt stop calling me.
If I didnt call her even one day, she would go crazy...crying like a baby.
I used to feel soo bad when I hear her crying.Finally, after 3 more months
of being chased by her..I somehow started loving her. That is the time
when my heart took control of my mind.

I left my job ..everything and went to toronto to live with her. She took
care of me. She used to work very hard... working 2 jobs and used to give
that money to me....which I used to save for her. We had a great time in toronto.
But, even for small arguments she used to cry. Even If I forgot to wash my dishes, she used
to fight and cry. She always wanted me to be with her all the time. She wears all those
sarees and dresses and always try to seduce me. Everything looked great. She even
stopped praying to god because I am an atheist. Even in poverty, we were very happy.
I told her that I would go back to US and find a job and send her money. But, she
never wanted me to leave. She used to cry like a baby whenever I pack my bags to live.
Come to think of it, she put me in that jail of love.Eventhough everything seemed to be
fine, something used to bug me. ..I couldnt make a deeper connection of love with her.
The love between soul to soul..the love that happens after the honeymoon phase... I couldnt
find that love. When I talk about deep love..she never used to understand that. She used
to reply with a blank face. That used to piss me off. Her definition of love is soo superifical
that I couldnt believe.I couldnt believe because it because she used to show me lot of love.
She says love is about going out..going to parks..going to movies and having a good time.
Finally, on the last day of my visa expiry I left to US.

15 days later I get a call from her saying that she is breaking up with me and dosent want to talk
to me anymore. But, she agreed to chat.This is part of the chat.

She : so do u want me stay wid u even though i dont feel anything
Me : u have a serious case of forgettting stuff
She: then
Me : how can it be possilbe that u had soo much love for me a week back and nothing now...
how can it be possilbe????
u tell me??
She: even i donnno

The cook in the restaurant where she works as a waitress proposed to her
and she agreed. That guy immediately called both parents and they agreed. This was
like tsunami to me. The ground was breaking up underneath me. The shock was overwhelming.
How can a girl who loved me a lot..and who can give her life to me...few weeks back can
change her mind soo fast. I begged her to talk to me. I called her few times and the cook
replied ..saying that he would destroy me If I tried to call her .He also changed her number.
I was completely devastated. This is not he girl I knew. For days,
all I want to do is talk to her...talk to my baby. She finally agreed and have a chat me.
In the chat, she treats me as complete stranger. Its un******believable. She says that
the new guy takes care of her a lot...that he is helping with her divorce...and paying for her college
fee. She didnt want to hear nothing from my side..and just closed the chat. She didnt
give me a closure. She didnt give me a chance to express my emotions. I was in hell.

After a month or so..time healed some pain. I was still sending her long emails..supporting her,
explaining why she took such decisions. Explaining to her, that she always needs attention..a hug
..and also sex. But, she never replied me. I told this to my friend..and he told me that it is a classic
case of Histrionic personality disorder. I started researching about it...and what a shock...each
and every symptom described in this disorder..she has it all. I came to this website and what a relief
it was. Seeing, all the posts..it made me realise that I am not alone...that it is not my fault...eventhough
she made me feel guilty about everything. This forum is a therapy to me and thanks a lot for all the people
who posted her..I still has some questions though. I need to confirm if she has the
disorder or not.

Her behavior :

1.Even for small arguments she breaks down and cries.
2.She always looks herself in the mirror..always looks at her pictures..she has like hundreds of pictures of herself
with her...especially the pictures I took her. Even when we are video taping on webcam..she only looks at herself.
She takes bath for like for 45 min and wants to take bath with me
3. She always dresses sexily...a bit more sexily for Indian standards.
4. She flirts with other men. She likes it when other men gives her attention.
5. She is very lively...always a party girl..always the center of attraction of the party. But, when she is
not the center of attraction..she gets upset and wants to leave.
6.She took very rash decisions.Like...deciding to marry a guy who she met couple of days back.
7. She cannot CANNOT be lonely even for a couple of hours. She goes crazy if she is alone.
8. She has hundreds of friends on orkut and face...almost all of them are males.
9. Guys used to send love emails to her..saying that they want to marry her. She used to feel
happy looking at them.
10. Her husband used to send sad emails..begging her to come back to india. She never used
to feel anything. Even if she felt sad, its only for a couple of minutes. I begged her many times
to call her husband...and give a him a reason and a closure. But she never called him.
11.She dosent understand good jokes. She laughs a lot at toilet humor.
12. She always says that she never got what she wanted in her life.
13. When I was in US, she told me that she was going out with a couple of guys..at different times.
One guy even slept on her bed...and she says that nothing happend between them. I believed her...
because I never thought that a girl who loves me alot..can ever sleep with other man.
14. She says I love you all the time and waits for me to say that back to her..
15. Her whole life is a lie. Granted, She tells everything about her past and present..for the
first 6 months. But, then onwards..she starts lying. Her parents dosent even know that she
got married the first time....they dosent know that she was living with me...and in india
its a huge thing.
16. She quits jobs..if any one of her colleagues hates her.
17. She never used to ask me how my parents were..never bothered to understand about
things happening in my life..etc...Its all about her.


These are just some of the symptoms I have observed. There are many more..like...wetting the
bed on the day we had a fight...showing a cut on her hand and looking at my face..as if she is waiting
for my reaction...etc.

My question 1 : is she histronic?? I am sure she is..but just need a confirmation.

question 2 : She owes me a lot of money...close to 10 grand..after all the chump change she gave me.
Now, Should I just leave it like that or shall I ask her. I dont care for money..but I just want to show her..
that there will be consequences for her actions. How to approach this problem?

Thanks in advance for your help...
and excuse me...english is not my first language.

Hey Tsunami,

She sounds like the poster child for HPD.

I married a girl like that........and she dumped me on the honeymoon!


Run from her like your ass is on fire!!!!!!!!!

You are right..but whats the meaning of love
if I can forget her...may it takes some time.

Oh, Changedman, your story is so familiar! You definitely are not alone.

What you must remember is that, sadly, the person you love never really existed. You love the facade she so expertly presented. The part of her you will eventually forget is the part you never loved- the selfish, cold person behind the facade. When you eventually find real love (and you will), it will be for the whole person- inside and out. Give yourself time to grieve and heal, and know that the pain you are going through will lead you to much better things in life. Hugs and best wishes.

thanks dude..
your message is such a pain balm..

changedman wrote:My question 1 : is she histronic?? I am sure she is..but just need a confirmation.

question 2 : She owes me a lot of money...close to 10 grand..after all the chump change she gave me.
Now, Should I just leave it like that or shall I ask her. I dont care for money..but I just want to show her..
that there will be consequences for her actions. How to approach this problem?

Based on what you have written it is pretty evident she has HPD. Your story unfortunately is like so many others who have come to this board

If it were me I would leave the money behind. In fact, leaving it all behind is the one sure way of stepping forward in your recovery. No contact is essential for time and your patience are key ingredients in your recovery. Time away from the emotional abuse allows you to shed those rose colored glasses and see the HPD for what they really are...seriously disturbed

When I left the HPD, I too left behind many things, and yes some were monetarily valuable. However, I will tell you that mending your soul is a priceless commodity. Get yourself good and clear from her, and I assure you will not only heal from this, but also can thrive in your rebuilt life

be well