Healty Relationship without HPD Mate

by **teche25** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:40 am

Has anyone ever wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone who is not HPD?

Because I've been with my HPD mate for so long, I often wonder about the dynamics of a relationship without an HPD mate.

I loathe to catergorize myself as a victim, because it was truly my choice to stay with him for such a long time. I'd rather see myself as having overcome these obstacles of my own co-dependancy and moving forward.

Does anyone have a testimony to life without an HPD mate?

I'm not fearful of life without him. I do indeed enjoy my own company and the company of my children, recent friends and co-workers. I've just often wondered what are the descriptives for a healty relationship?

Normal relationships have normal issues that lie independent of the disorder. The main differences I find fall under each of the following.

Namly:
-More information
-Less manipulation
-Minimal thoughts of leverage.
-Deep sensuous sex.
-Mutual Understanding
-Effort that lies independent of dependence.

by **teche25** » Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:13 am

<Namly:
-More information
-Less manipulation
-Minimal thoughts of leverage.
-Deep sensuous sex.
-Mutual Understanding
-Effort that lies independent of dependence.>

Maybe one day I will experience some if not all of these factors in a relationship.

This forum is not only informative but uplifting as well.

Thank you.

by **caro81VA** » Thu Jun 11, 2009 5:42 pm

I don't have any advice on this one - but it is my #1 objective moving forward. To be able to have healthy relationships, including eventually a romantic/sexual one. I worry a lot that I'm some kind of "bum magnet" and will repeat the same mistakes I made before.

I have been reading "Emotional Blackmail" and it is pretty good. If you get a chance, skim through it and especially read the parts about Maria. She stayed with her (probably NPD) husband for years out of duty and obligation, not believing in divorce, and eventually realized that her integrity was just as important, maybe more important, as her sense of duty... VERY applicable to my situation and probably yours too....

by **TatteredKnight** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:42 am

I've been seeing other peoples' relationships and feeling just a tiny bit bitter. I find myself thinking "He's not constantly doing things for her, he doesn't tell her he loves her fifty times a day and sometimes he even disagrees with her or ignores her... and she's still warm and affectionate, she does things for him just to make him happy, she doesn't lie to him, or deliberately try and hurt him, or blame him for her mistakes, or get angry at him for telling her the truth. It's like she really cares about him!"

Then I look at all the support and love and care I've poured in over the years, hoping for nothing more than a little reciprocation here and there during the good times, and I think 'well, damn'.

by **pinkflamingo** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:54 pm

What I've learned (from books by Patricia Evans) is that there are two types of people living in two distinctly differently realities:

There are those who have their own core, their own sense of personal power and are the people who are into mutuality, reciprocity, understanding and compromise.

The other type of people have no core, no sense of personal power so try to take it from others. Patricia Evans calls these people "power-over" people. They see the world through "power and control" glasses. They see people, even spouses as pawns in their game, only. There's no true cooperation, only a pseudo one, when they see it as a means to an end--a way to manipulate, to gain power and control over the other person, ultimately, to get what they want.

I'm a Mutuality person and know that if I end up with another Mutuality person things will go much more smoothly.

We need to stay away from Power-Over people!!!

Healty Relationship without HPD Mate

Healty Relationship without HPD Mate

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