I would have my way.

It is said that HPDs decompensate when they get older and their looks fade because in many cases it’s all they had.

I was curious what Liz Wurtzel had to say in an essay in this month’s Elle about the horror of losing her looks. It’s not pretty. She may not be HPD but her writing strikes me as HPD like. Call it material for observation.

http://www.elle.com/Beauty/Health-Fitne ... auty-Fades

I ran across it from a commentary on Salon.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/?la ... 7/wurtzel/

Hi,

I do not see the connection between her life and HPD too well. In my opinion, she was made the way she was because of other people. They commented on her looks repeatedly and this gave her a misconception about - well - life in general. I think that this is possibly the cause to the HPD that we see in many people. I can certainly relate to her story somewhat, despite being male.

Kevin

Well, how about this?

>I attract (and seek) bottle throwing, foot stomping, door slamming, pot clanging, hair pulling, and, above all, a lot of loud screaming and walking out in a huff—usually leaving me crying, wondering what just happened, or, more often, too astonished to cry.<

Or this,

>I could have and probably should have spent the rest of my life with him, might have avoided scenes like the time some guy I was seeing later on chased me down Topanga Canyon with a hot frying pan, screaming at me something about learning to make my own goddamn omelets. In other words, had I just stuck with the good boyfriend, I could have prevented a good deal of extraneous craziness.<

And,

>And so, I cheated on him. With everyone I could. Bass players, editors, actors, waiters who wished they were actors, photographers. And everywhere I could, like that Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon video: on the floor, by the door, up against the minibar. I couldn’t sit still or stand still or lie still. And I didn’t want to lose Gregg either.<

How about,

>Years later, when I was dating a guy who drank much too much and did things like toss lamps around because he had a temper when he was loaded, and I was ducking to avoid some projectile and wondering how I’d found my way to this, I knew Gregg had been right: I could have been a contender; it was over.<

To me it is RATHER OBVIOUS that she is HPD, BPD and maybe a few other things as well. She mixes and confuses love with pain just as do the HPD “victims.”

Or could it be that she just has trouble finding the “right” sort of men who would be good for her? I don’t think so. She has demonstrated a life long pattern of dysfunctional relationships.

I read this the other day and I thought it was obviously she had HPD, but most likely the severe type or even BPD. As a passive-agressive HPD I could relate to pretty much everything she wrote, except her life seemed a bit more extreme than mine (well, a lot more). Anyways I found the article very good, yet sad. I was expecting some sort of conclusion at the end, but no, she doesn't seem to learn from past mistakes and there seem to be no way out in the future either, which made me feel even more sad.

I know what you mean about the sadness, Kana. You, for example, have at least some awareness of your own contributions to drama and misunderstandings coupled with a strong desire to change. Liz here just goes from shipwreck to shipwreck and wonders WHY. Maybe, she thinks, I will one day meet the right guy and everything will be just roses. She doesn’t understand that it simply can’t happen for her unless she grows in self-understanding and awareness.

Sad indeed for the next guy. He will wind up being jerk #37. She will complain that there are no good men left for women her age etc. Same old song over and over again.