she's back..................................

My story is pretty much identical to every other story in this forum except my HPD was my best friend not my girlfriend/lover/wife. It's been an entire year since I ended the friendship and just yesterday I get an email inviting me on an all expense paid trip to my favorite place on a private plane...
i'm so confused, i know this is just a ploy to get us speaking again but there are so many issues left unaddressed. do i attempt to have a discussion about it all? (which i'm 95% positive would end with an argument or me being accused as the only one in the wrong) i know if left to her we'll just be friends again and never discuss the nightmare she created in my life. or do i run in the opposite direction and stay away like i have for the past year?
I need to vent/process I guess..
Anyways, what should I do???

ridiculous wrote:or do i run in the opposite direction and stay away like i have for the past year?
I need to vent/process I guess..
Anyways, what should I do???

My advice is to stay away from her. There's a reason that no contact is the suggested course of action.

I would stay away and no contact. There is no reasoning when dealing with insanity. In the end re-exposure will only cause you more eventual pain

keep moving forward

How do you disentangle yourself from some-one with this problem ?
I have a friend (well she was before I realised how unstable she was)
Over the past years she has done the following :-

As I was travelling home from my mothers funeral,she text me to say she had overdosed....a complete lie.

She split from her partner of 13 years. She had been constantly moaning about him and she had said she was going to leave him....well i said I bet you don't....so she did.
Afterwards she complained of being lonely and missing him,I said why did you leave and she said it was because I'd told her to leave him !!!

She followed me to hospital after I made plans with another friend to accompany me for a scan (before I had my baby) she turned up and said her mum was in hospital and was close to death...she wasn't.

The most recent lie was that her 17 year old daughter was pregnant and that the baby was due on her birthday....after some calculations I said that would make her daughter 5 months pregnant,when in fact she was only 3 weeks gone.Then the girl goes in for an abortion....Though it turns out her daughter has never been pregnant.

Theres plenty more lies than this, but also she has been unbelievably attention seeking. Dancing like a stripper to music and swearing at people in public.....completely horrifying.

How do I remove her from my life ? I've so had enough of all this.

Have you ever tried to talk to her about it? Normally I would say to try that but unfortunately it's been my experience that this only causes more drama. I would say just walk away from it. Cut all contact, sever all ties. Hopefully you don't have anything in common like work or other friends...
She sounds a little stalkerish so be prepared for a backlash. Mine told people I had herpes, I slept with three of her ex-boyfriends and still call numerous others (she's only had two the entire time we were friends), I'm manipulative and vengeful, and I'm a horrible friend. You just have to walk away and be careful not to respond to anymore plays for communication, no matter drastic. And by the way- I wouldn't be surprised if she WAS a stripper. I found out mine was.

Well I have distance myself from her but she still insists I'm her best friend etc.
I haven't given her my home number for about 8 years now as I'm sure she was the one ringing my number and hanging up continually.I was ex directory and had changed my number about 5 times,though after I spoke to the police (she knew) and didn't give the number to her but all my trustworthy friends.
It stopped.
She would probably do something stupid like kill herself if I confronted her with all her lies.
The way I feel with her is the same way you would feel if you suddenly got flashed in the street.....pretty gobsmacked!!
I pretty much detest her but she knows private stuff about me and would definately use that to hurt me if I told her the truth.
But is there anyway to difuse her...make her leave me alone etc ?

4 words: STAY AWAY from her.

People can improve themselves (or pretend to, in case of HPDs'), but they actually never change. A selfish brat remains a selfish brat, no matter what happens in her life.

Unless you miss feeling miserable, worthless, being manipulated, feeling really uncomfortable when you are around someone, having your emotional energy right sucked up ...

You could try being kind of boring to her...seriously, I was in a similar situation with a friend, and knew that she would cause crazy drama if I confronted her. I was afraid to, for fear she'd spread lies about me, and I frankly just didn't want to make the effort. So, when she moved back after being away for 5 years (we were barely in contact when she was gone) I kept my distance and was vague about plans. If she said "you better be there to pick me up at the airport!" in a joking yet manipulative way, I said "I think we might have family stuff that weekend, I'll do it if I can."

She didn't ask again.When she came back, I was worried but firm that I would not fall into the same trap of putting up with her garbage. For some weird reason I thought she might have changed, since I hadn't heard anything of her weird dramas (this is before I knew about HPD and that she was seriously mentally ill). So, anyways, I just didn't really respond much to her emails/phone calls, and when we did make plans for lunch, I saw the same thing - lies, exaggeration, poor me, drama, tons of crises, and so on. I was almost repulsed by her, actually.

So, the whole lunch, while she was looking for my "oh wow" reaction, I just sat there quietly. I didn't really acknowledge the drama, and just said "right" "uh huh" and ate my lunch. Also, I called her on a few things - not outwardly or arguing, but for example when she said her ex boyfriend was "sociopathic" - about the fifth ex I've heard this about, I said "Why?" When she told me some lame reason, I said "That doesn't really sound like a mental issue, just normal guy behaviour." She didn't like being counteracted, but I did it really subtly a number of times. I could tell by her face that she was waiting for me to say "Oh my God!" or "Are you serious?"

Basically, make yourself boring and passive about their dramas. My ex-friend left me alone - I was amazed when it worked, but she hasn't called/emailed me in nearly 7 months. They need attention, and if you aren't being a source for them, they will move onto someone else.

You could try being kind of boring to her...seriously, I was in a similar situation with a friend, and knew that she would cause crazy drama if I confronted her. I was afraid to, for fear she'd spread lies about me, and I frankly just didn't want to make the effort. So, when she moved back after being away for 5 years (we were barely in contact when she was gone) I kept my distance and was vague about plans. If she said "you better be there to pick me up at the airport!" in a joking yet manipulative way, I said "I think we might have family stuff that weekend, I'll do it if I can."

She didn't ask again.When she came back, I was worried but firm that I would not fall into the same trap of putting up with her garbage. For some weird reason I thought she might have changed, since I hadn't heard anything of her weird dramas (this is before I knew about HPD and that she was seriously mentally ill). So, anyways, I just didn't really respond much to her emails/phone calls, and when we did make plans for lunch, I saw the same thing - lies, exaggeration, poor me, drama, tons of crises, and so on. I was almost repulsed by her, actually.

So, the whole lunch, while she was looking for my "oh wow" reaction, I just sat there quietly. I didn't really acknowledge the drama, and just said "right" "uh huh" and ate my lunch. Also, I called her on a few things - not outwardly or arguing, but for example when she said her ex boyfriend was "sociopathic" - about the fifth ex I've heard this about, I said "Why?" When she told me some lame reason, I said "That doesn't really sound like a mental issue, just normal guy behaviour." She didn't like being counteracted, but I did it really subtly a number of times. I could tell by her face that she was waiting for me to say "Oh my God!" or "Are you serious?"

Basically, make yourself boring and passive about their dramas. My ex-friend left me alone - I was amazed when it worked, but she hasn't called/emailed me in nearly 7 months. They need attention, and if you aren't being a source for them, they will move onto someone else.

Thank-you for all your advice.
It was a relief to actually find out about this mental illness and see she ticked all the boxes for it, as it initially made me question my own judgement.
I am distancing myself from from this emotional vampire, yeah being boring or too busy is the way to go.
I may even go the whole hog and change my mobile number !!