feeling ignored by a HPD when around others

I was just wondering if anyone else had this experience. When alone with my ex-HPD wife she was interested in everything that I was. For example she loved watching football when we were at home. She told people that she was a Steelers fan like myself. When we went to a superbowl party at some friends home several years ago I was totally ignored. She did not sit down one time with me to watch the Steelers play in the superbowl. What she did do is hold my friends new baby and walk back and forth in front of the television perhaps trying to draw attention from the other guys who were at the party. This happened almost every time that we were in a group of people. At home I was her center of attention but, once out in a crowd I was totally ignored.

Yes........... 100%

Yeah, this is the adjusting the game plan to receive the MOST attention at any one given time. It is amazing the calculation involved in readjusting the whole attitude, gestures, meaning of life long goals and it is all done in the attempt to look like "the one" that people can see themselves with.

I have been doing some research into the past relationships that my soon to be ex wife has been in.

Each person knows the hpd as a different person. The hpd hand tailors a personality to suit the needs of extracting supply from the source via multiple attachments or a group. Whoever she was with at the time, she started to make a new person for her needs? Here is the cameleon type behavior that my ex has shown from documented examples of her exes and myself:

Husband 1: My ex was in to literature and loved anything to do with books, book groups and on line book clubs. She was also sending nude pictures to people on line while being married. She was seducing multiple men and having sex with them.

14 year old: She was talking to a 14 year old child while she was married. My ex was going to go to school for game programming to make video games. Sound like a kids dream or a 25 year old woman's? This guy also told me what I am telling you here, that my ex changed who she was depending on who she was with. He just didn't know that it was hpd.

17 year old:Slept with a 17 year old kid while getting a divorce from her first husband. My ex became a wanna be grunge person who started to use drugs. Wanted to go back to school and finish her degree. The 17 went off to college in Chicago.

Ex b/f: My ex went to computer programming school to get a degree in computer programming, started to hate it and quite. All of the school was a suggestion of her ex b/f and she wanted to at first, but stopped.

Husband 2, me: Claimed to love the outdoors and be outdoorsy and proclaimed the love of hunting and wanted to learn how. Wanted to learn how to snowboard and anything else to secure my supply. Dirtbike riding, camping, boating and whatever else she did to look like "the one" from my perception of her.

The above methods of seduction are amazing and very calculating. Calculating in the means of doing what it takes to be the center of all that is happening and supply of affection and good praise. I don't see how the "making the lover feel like they are more special than anyone else" can go wrong in the short run? Who isn't looking for that from the "love of a life time? Only to trust that the hpd person is not lieing, cheating and manipulating the relationship. Only to find out that the personality is a hologram of what the target wanted from a woman. A solid 1.5-2 years before the target of the hpd realizes what has been happening to them. Once the hpd is questioned about the fiction story that has been lived, denial and blameshift. Only to do it over and over and over again.

All of these examples are in a 5 year time frame. All of these guys fell in love with her and she abused them only for her to walk away and not have a second thought of the pain caused. My ex did go back to college and get her degree while being married to me. However, with her first full-time paycheck, she had been forced to leave my house because of all of the sick things that I had found about her. Everything that she was, a lie. A whole life and personality was tailor made to secure my supply for her needs.

One thing that started to make me question her is what you are talking about in this post. We would go somewhere and she would ignore me completely. My ex told me one time that she was nervous about me going to see her family with her because she didn't know how to act while I was with her? It made since after I found out she had hpd.

She had a act for her father. An act for her mother. An act for her sister. An act for her distant family. An act for me. Keep in mind that all of these are just that, an act!

How would a person be if the world of certain attitudes, acts, and pretend personalities colided? You would have a person that is confussed, anxious and lost. Unsure how to act for the event. The hpd will go back to them because that is what the personality revovles around, THEM.

I think that the hpd's mind defaults back to the original plan of life, secure the supply for herself.

That is the true aftermath of dating one of these disordered personalities(hpd). Nothing happy about it, all of my exes, exes are mad at the world!!!! Sad to think that people do this and have no care that they do it?

Wow.. This thread rings a bell.

My Ex-HPD did that too.. We decided to have afternoon coffee, and she calls out her business partner to introduce me to. But, as soon as he sat down, I get ignored completely.

*Edited*

A couple of other things I noticed she did:

#1) She introduced me as my name when introduced to guys.
#2) She introduced me to her girlfriends as "my boyfriend"

This isn't normal. And should not be accepted. You are not being Jealous.

Hi all:
Excellent thread, and great description of what can happen in group situations. 411 needed, i can relate completely to what you wrote.

I can remember paradoxes in party incidences. We had different sets of friends. My best friend was another girl whom was always inviting me to her parties (quite a few), naturally with my X being invited also as my partner. Usally during those parties, she was literally sliding on to my knee or hanging off of my neck, particualrly if my best friend was close, particularly when other girls were around me. At one dinner I had to tell her to be polite and site down at her chair, i was so embarrassed because it was a semi-formal event and i was dressed in a suit! She was hanging off of my neck, i ended up all sweaty as it was mid-summer and outdoors! She was like a needy 3 year old trying to crawl onto her daddies lap...

The paradoxe is that when she was invited to her friends parties, once we got there i was most often ignored for a good part of the evening. I often did not know the people there and was not introduced by her, neither by my first name nor as her partner. Worse, I learned of some parties that occurred where she obviously did not want my presence there because she lied (i.e. she was going to the cinema with such and such a girlfriend that I did not know etc), but that was not the case and I ended up catching her lying red handed (which feels sooooo good!). It happened when she and i were invited to the same party by separate people. I was aware of her invitation from the person that invited me, but my X was not aware of me being invited. She lied to me, and you should have seen her little face when I walked in that room. She was in the middle of her "i'm an acrobat" show (she used to be in the French Gymnastic reserve squad...) surrounded by 4 or 5 young men. Her bottom jaw dropped out for about 10 seconds....she was speechless...I just smirked and saluted her! She ignored me for 30 mins until a dusken beauty spent more than 5 minutes chatting with me, and she was over like a flash...."ahh, hi *****, I see you just met my boyfriend, what were you obth talking about that became so interesting"....ahem!!!

That incident was one of those where i got a glimpse of the "real" her, a pretty sorry real her!

Have a nice weekend,
Musician

*Edited*

I guess this is where my ex's problems and mine were a good fit. At least initially.

I used to like what I perceived as his outgoing personality when we were in social situations. For example, if we went to a dinner party, he could keep the whole room entertained and I could just enjoy the conversation without having to take part too much. I used to really struggle socially, and I don't think I'll ever be gregarious. So that actually suited me pretty well -- I didn't want attention at the party, from him or anyone else.

Eventually I noticed some things. Things that differentiated his behavior from just a normal, outgoing, people-oriented guy. Here is what I noticed.

(1) The outgoing nature only applied to situations that brought him positive attention. If we had some kind of issue - for example, problems with ticketing at an airport - he could not apply those skills to charm the agent and fix the problem. He would pout, or cry, or throw a temper tantrum, or otherwise abdicate and leave the problem to me to fix.

(2) The friends at these parties were not as charmed with him as I thought. since I left, I found out they were only inviting him as a courtesy to me, and even then, they were having second thoughts about inviting us as a couple because they were tired of listening to him.

(3) The more I worked on my own social issues, the more friends I made; the more I participated in social events, the more impatient (?? not the right description) he got with me.

(4) Similar to #1, if we were with a group of friends that started to quarrel, he would expect me to be the peacemaker and resolve the issue. Only then would he resume his post as the outgoing talker.

well anyway koos, I'm not sure that was exactly what you were describing, but that is my experience. I think some of the difference is between you & me, more so than between our HPDs. They're pretty consistent, it's all about the attention with them. :) caro

Simarlarly, my ex-hpd had little to say to my average looking guy friend/acquaintenances who approached us out in public. However, if the guy was dressed pretty well and/or handsome, or worse, known as a player, she simply commandeered the entire conversation, and fully engaged the guy until I finally would interrupt her for the guys' attention back. This was one of the most insulting habits of an hpd.