Always want to be in love

by **sweety04** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:41 am

Hi,

I am a lady who is 26 yrs old married for 6 yrs now...i have had a troubled childhood, where my father alwys tried to abuse my sexually and my mother had illicit relationships with a lot of men, so i married soon and got settled in life....i love my husband a lot but still i fall in love with so many other men. ...at work i am attracted to men and i manage to get their attention and we have an affair ..though it doesnt lead to bed and i have not slept with any other man...but still i want to text, call and always be missed and always be loved by someone or the other...my husband also loves me a lot,,,,but i am always craving for new love.....my husband doesnt know anything about my relationships...i dont know whether it is normal or i have a disorder....but i want to come out of it and live my life normally as a happily married wife..please advise...

Time to start counciling. You admit to sexual trama, which you probably never really dealt with emotionally. You saw a pattern that your mother had and you have begun to mimic it. Right now you are having emotional affairs with men. Most (but not all) men can recover from a cheap sexual affair if it was only for sexual variety, however the emotional affairs most women seek are the greatest damage you can inflict on us as men. So you need to get to a good councilor and begin to get a hold of this before you lose control and start sleeping with all of this fan club you are developing.

Regards,

Sir*Lingam

by **MyWave** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 11:43 pm

You may want to look at love addiction. It would fit with the background you have described...

Be careful here cause playing with people's emotions is not only destructive, it is also a dangerous game

Here is a link to get you started

http://www.sexaddictionhelp.com/page.as ... +Addiction

http://www.findingstone.com/allkindsofs ... sexual.htm

by **attractedtoit** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:15 am

not sure about love addiction... not very educated on that topic, but this sounds like a classic hpd issue. The need for attention & validation of "interest" from the opposite sex.

Kudos for seeking answers... that's a start. Still disappointing you choose to seek these relationships outside of your marriage. You don't deserve to have that in your life... ur husband certainly doesn't.

A good counselor can get to the core issues & then you can resolve the "demons" and erradicate the effects (emotional adultry).

Your an adult now, and you recognize the wrong doing of your behaviour. Stop the BS & start the counseling. Might be a good idea to tell your husband your seeking counseling for depression or anxiety or some "partner issue" to what is really a disorder or addiction. Your decision opn whether he can handle the truth then or ever, but you might be better served with getting some personal growth and answers prior to letting the whole truth out.

Good luck, you've taken a good first step here.

by **sweety04** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:01 am

Thanks a lot for ur advice...but it is very difficult for me to take a counsellors help for this....i have to come out of it myself..though i have started concentrating on my work and family more now...i want to be strong enough to come over it.....i have a beautiful family and i want to save my marraige at any cost..bcoz in case my husband knows about this, he would be shatterred and i have no intentions of cheating him,,,,or leaving him......i dont want to hurt him either by telling him anything about this...is there a way for me to come out of this with self help.........

by **attractedtoit** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:05 pm

sweety04:

in my opinion u have to seek help via a counselor... the key is getting to the root causes and only a professional can do that. you can see them without divulging the core reason to ur husband... just say it's due to anxiety or depression.

if you don't seek professional help you'll fall back to old habits eventually and the cycle will continue.

by **santa fe** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 8:07 pm

sweety04 wrote:is there a way for me to come out of this with self help.........

I agree– you really need to work with a good therapist. i admire your restraint and desire to live a life of commitment to your husband, but based on your childhood experience you need to address the core issues with your parents, much of which is not even available to your conscious mind. Find yourself an excellent clinical psychologist, preferably one who specializes and is respected in the profession- get referrals. You must understand that the quality and appropriateness of the therapy may (probably will) determine the course your life takes from this point forward. It seems like you posted here at an opportune time- don't underestimate the timeliness and benefit of addressing this right now.

by **411needed** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:50 am

See this is what I'm talking about? What if you give your husband HIV? Do you even stop and think of the game you are playing? You love of your life and you are cheating? I don't get people with hpd? You do know that STD's and HIV could be given to him without him even knowing it? Get help man................ Just get help!!!

Stop the cheating because it isn't right! Damn! At least tell him so that he can protect himself from the cheating. How will you feel if you give him HIV?

by **shivers** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:59 am

The title of your thread and some content (below) of your post shows that you have romanticised bad behaviour. Get rid of the cliches.

If you loved your husband, you would not cheat. So you need to start reframing the comments you are making, take the sugar coating off and really look at what you are doing and feeling.

Sleeping around does not mean you are always "want to be in love". Seeking outside validation for low self-esteem is not searching and attaining love.

sweety04 wrote:...i love my husband a lot but still i fall in love with so many other men. ......

For as long as you minimise and sugar coat your actions you are not being truthful with yourself.

Get professional help, such as all the other posters have suggested and start getting real with yourself, rather than living in a Disney movie.

by **santa fe** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:19 am

411 and shivers,
In her initial post she says that she craves the attention of men and has emotional affairs, but as yet has not cheated in the physical sense. just wanted to clarify... that's why i mentioned the timing. hoping she can get into therapy before crossing that line.

Always want to be in love

Always want to be in love

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