Always want to be in love

hi,

i guess some of us who have posted here have misunderstood me...i said i have not slept with any other man....after i read a couple of posts here and some introspection, i figuered out that i am having emotional affairs or commitng emotional adultery.....not to give HIV to anyone.....this could be because of my childhood circumstances which i had to face, which is having an affect now....i am a determined person and i believe i can come out of it....though right now i dont have any emotional affairs ..ihave decided to stay the same....i know getting therapy from a therapist is the best solution...but i cant do that.....so i was trying to get some self help solutions.....

Santa fe,

I feel u have really understood me and my problem.....ur not exagerating on my issue and give good adivse...please tell me what to do now...cant i stop this by not getting into any type of counselling...i dont want to make it big am scared it would affect my family life with i dont want to loose at any cost.....please help me

Hi Sweety:
I don't think what you describe indicates that you have HPD. I think your "emotional" or "flirt" type relationships (depending on how far you go) may indicate a desperate need to be the centre of attention and feel valued (you need a "value" fix so to speak..), as you probably did not feel valued the way you needed to feel, when you were younger. It's like you are saying, "I am here", I do exist, look at me, I'm pretty" etc. This in itself may not be harmful, unless of course you give someone the wrong impression which may hurt them, then hurt you and your marriage should they get upset and cause trouble. You shall need to take this situation in hand before that happens.

I think a trained counsellor can help you, but based upon what you say, I think you would up front have explained many more troubling symptoms if it were HPD. My few cents worth.

Good luck to you in getting to the bottom of this,
Musician

ok, I'll change it to "mentally sleeping around" or "fantasising and craving to be played with by other men"

Still doesn't change the content of my post.

Yeah, keep in mind that the emotional cheating is just breaking down the barrier to lead to physical cheating, it is the beginning. It also shows a lack of morals and self control. There is nothing fake about that. Once you start finding someone that you feel is the best man you have ever met, the physical cheating is just a couple of steps away.

Alot of people can stop the cheating by cutting it at the source. Why get interested in another person if you are happy and in love with the person you love? Stop getting interested in other men or just leave the one you are with.

Physical cheating and emotional cheating are the same. Just depends on who your audience is. Both forms are just at different stages of the ultimate no-no, cheating!

And just like what I was saying in other posts. The abuse you are pushing on the man you are with is abuse? There will be a time if you continue down the path you are on that you will find yourself wanting not only the emotional part of the new man, but the pysical as well..........

Hi,

Ya i agree with musician,,,,,because accepting that i am a HPD is not convincing, i am new to this forum and as i read of all the posters by victims or by HPDs themselved i feel i am not that worst nor am i a vampire whos waiting for the next victim...i do agree am flirtish and feel good when appreciated for my attibutes...but each time i get to know a guy...in the end i always feel that i have the best man as my husband and nobody can be better than that and kind of breakup with the guy before it gets any worse......each time i do this..i realise that i have the best man..but again when a man gets attracted to me..its difficult for me to stop it right there,,,,but i get into knowing that person , his character and his likes and dislikes and then feel he is not good.....y is this...why am i not able to control myself from speaking to other guys is what i am not able to clarify to myself.......i am not a flirt or have no intentions of cheating my husband...i have immense respect towards him....and want our marraige to work......but i dont knw why i get attracted to other men inspite of all having all this in my life....i am in a tranz now whether i am a HPD or not...because other than this i have a normal life...i am a good employee.....am doing my masters and a good mother for my kids.....and a good jovial person to be with....this is my only weakness which always makes me feel guilty of myself....please advise and tell me what is this and what can be done...please tell me whether i am a HPD or not.....

And ya,,,this is not something which i have developed after marraige....way before marriage...when i was in high school iwas ditched by a guy whom i really thought would be my life partner...i was very depressed for almost a year....but when i joined college,,,,i was thrilled by the attention and reaction that was given by boys to me....i really felt nice and needed......so from then on if any guy approached me...i just cant walk away from him...if not his gf, i atleast try to be a good friend to him.....know his character and counsel him on life...and as days pass...i just keep moving on with things that life brings......now after marriage even if i want to stop it..am not able to .......am married for 8 yrs now and have been very faithful and a complete wife by supporting and loving my husband always...but only this emotional affairs that i get into is killing me by making me feel very guilty and not allowing me to live a life normally...i always have a guilt that i am cheating my husband.....

please tell me what to do....

sweety04 wrote:please tell me what to do....

People have told you what to do, but you refuse help

You need counseling but you won't get it

So you will keep on having emotional affairs

And one time it will finally turn on you. Your husband will know. Your work will know and you will have nobody to blame but yourself

You can't go to counseling? That is laughable

You cannot afford not too! If you love your husband as much as you say you do you would do ANYTHING to get help. Instead you sit here and type nothing but excuses...

A part of me hopes that he does find out about you....atleast he can then be from from your lies and deception. Your fooling nobody with this victim crap

Do you know what it is like to have someone look you right in the eye and lie to you? To cheat on you? To deceive you? Manipulate and blameshift? It is absolutely devestating! To sit hear and read your excuses for not seeing a counselor...I hope you get what you deserve

Make sure you also post to this site when you fall flat on your face and are deservedly alone

btw love the name

sweety04 wrote:
please tell me what to do....

No-one can tell you what to do. You have to decide for yourself. The answers cannot be sought in this forum. Advice yes, but you hold the key to the answers that are right for you. And no-one can tell you whether you are HPD or not. You are looking for answers in the wrong place.

Only you can figure out why you're not happy with your husband. I have suggested that you seek outside validation for your low self-esteem, but it's a stab in the dark, albeit an educated one, others have hinted along the same lines.

You are even attempting to find that validation about yourself here on this forum, your posts have become circular and going nowhere.

OK, I'm gonna just ask? Have you been married for 6 years or 8 years because your first post states 6 and the latter states 8? Or was there a break up somewhere along the lines because you think like this?


sweety04 wrote:

in the end i always feel that i have the best man as my husband and nobody can be better than that and kind of breakup with the guy before it gets any worse

So you have had some emotional attatchment with another man and that is being a vampire if you look at it from the view of your husband and children. You will destroy your family if you don't get help! Just one more thng, doing what your doing is cheating!!!! Doing what your doing is emotional abuse too! To your husband and your children, they just don't know about it and that doesn't make it any better than not knowing! It in fact makes it worse because you are sneaking and doing it, not bieng faithful and you are sooooo close to the physical part! Don't think so, then why =do you use statement like "kind of breakup" if there isn't any type of emotional attatchment there? What do you think love is, an emotion attatchment to a person that fulfills your needs! Why look if your fulfilled and if your husband loves you and you feel it? Wake up and get some help! You could ruin a whole segment of your life because of "lack of impulse control" if you are not treated by a doctor! When you read this, look into your children's eyes and think about the pain you could cause if your husband finds out about what you are doing, cheating!!! You are taking his trust and using it for your own personal gain? If you get mad about what I'm saying here, look at your child and think about it because you are you! I'm just trying to help!!!!!