Jessica Rabbit....HPD Queen

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=C79tfgiiX ... re=related

That's interesting and slightly amusing all the same. I do think that HPD is portrayed as an overly negative disorder most of the time, and that's because it's usually the victims of a person with HPDF who speak up about it. Where are the actual 'sufferers' of HPD itself? - The majority of them are out there functioning in life and getting on with things, something we could all look up to.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:That's interesting and slightly amusing all the same. I do think that HPD is portrayed as an overly negative disorder most of the time, and that's because it's usually the victims of a person with HPDF who speak up about it. Where are the actual 'sufferers' of HPD itself? - The majority of them are out there functioning in life and getting on with things, something we could all look up to.

Kevin

Yah kinda like a vampire hunting for their next victim.
Kevin it is clear you don't have a clue about HPD. You need to do your research a bit more. If your idea of functioning is how an HPD operates, you need to really rethink that

MyWave wrote:Yah kinda like a vampire hunting for their next victim.
Kevin it is clear you don't have a clue about HPD. You need to do your research a bit more. If your idea of functioning is how an HPD operates, you need to really rethink that

As a person who has dated two girls with HPD-like symptoms, I actually believe that I do have a few 'clues' as to what I am talking about. However, you are entitled to your opinion my friend. In my view, people with HPD know what they want and they go out and get it, which is what I admire. If I had that attitude, then I would not be here feeling depressed, I'm sure.

It is perfectly understandable that we have different opinions on this because - no doubt - we have had different life experieces regardings HPD.

Take care,
Kevin

Hi Kevin,

I agree with you that some aspects of HPD should be celebrated. Women with HPD are unique, special, tenacious and have a compelling sense of drive and determination. This can of course be used negatively ( subconciously may I please add) to manipulate situations and people aroudn them .
However this is not neccessarily a bad trait to have and can be useful in many areas. I don't think osmeone with HPD is mean evil bad and the monster this forum makes us out to be. We are insecure because we fear ourselves. We need to make excuses for failures and this includes relationships, this is why someone with HPD can convinvincly portray an ex as the wrong- doer. This is why we manipulate situations in relationships in our favour. My mantra is 'rather the perpertrator than the victim' owing to this I ensure I am in control of my relationships and if i lose control of the relationship, I lose control of myself.

Chucky wrote:

MyWave wrote:Yah kinda like a vampire hunting for their next victim.
Kevin it is clear you don't have a clue about HPD. You need to do your research a bit more. If your idea of functioning is how an HPD operates, you need to really rethink that

As a person who has dated two girls with HPD-like symptoms, I actually believe that I do have a few 'clues' as to what I am talking about. However, you are entitled to your opinion my friend. In my view, people with HPD know what they want and they go out and get it, which is what I admire. If I had that attitude, then I would not be here feeling depressed, I'm sure.

It is perfectly understandable that we have different opinions on this because - no doubt - we have had different life experieces regardings HPD.

Take care,
Kevin

Glad you clarified what you admire. In terms of functioning I would disagree. Cheating, lying, manipulating, deception and taking pleasure in it then often enough leaving a path of destruction for others to clean up is not my idea of a highly functioning person

Nevertheless, I hope you feel better soon

Nobody is perfect. I think that all of us have character traits which (if viewed with a kind eye) can best be described as 'flawed.'

Sometimes, such flaws can give a person an ability to prosper in some way - as an example, even the simple characteristic of being 'stubborn' can take someone a long way, help them to achieve something which would perhaps be unattainable to others. In that case I believe it's possible to admire how the person has shown strength and drive to achieve what they desire. I've seen people who've had a bad start in life, I've known of those who escape terrible marriages, yet have gone on to prosper despite being equipped with only the steely determination to never quit. I admire that, because they've achieved their goal by working through the adversity - and without walking over others along the way.

To the well-meaning but grossly-uninformed onlooker, there are aspects of HPD which might seem as positive character traits. But that's the problem - and the old saying "A little learning is a dangerous thing" comes into play here.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they need to be responsible for their own actions. For some, it's very difficult, perhaps even impossible. But to overlook the abuse, destruction and harm caused by someone who has HPD and say "We'll, here's a positive side to it" is at best deluded. At worst, it's again falling into the hands of the HPD and giving her the chance to say "I do nothing wrong. Everything is your fault."

There are no winners with HPD - none at all. There are only victims who have had their life damaged, and the HPD her(him)self who eternally stumbles along in a self-serving, cold search for human-like emotions, making the same old, tired, pathetic excuses as always.

You want to admit you're HPD? - good. You further admit what you do is wrong and you know why it's wrong? - even better. You take steps to address your disorder? - now we're getting somewhere. You want to then turn this around, throw away all you've professed to do, and make it seem noble any way at all? -

"It's not my fault! I only do it because..."

It's like watching a 5 year old who's been confronted when caught stealing cookies. No matter how you dress it up, in an adult it's really pathetic.

Hmmm. Chucky/Kevin, I appreciate your presence and positivity here on this forum a lot, but like MyWave I do think that, in spite of your experience with HPDs, you have a flawed view of what they really are. Trust me, if you can use the words "two girls with HPD-like symptoms" you got off easy. Encountering a full blown HPD leaves no doubt in your mind about the severity of their disorder, BOTH for their victims and themselves.

I forgot about your specific issues (you mentioned some disorder that you have somewhere) but maybe these taint your perception of HPDs. As a non-disordered person (and I believe many other HPD victims here are also non disordered) I believe to be in a position to have a more neutral/unclouded judgement.

As MyWave states, as far as functioning HPDs go, I also disagree. Do not forget that one of the definitions for a disorder (versus a personality trait) is that, while lying on the same spectrum, the trait becomes a disorder when it start to ruin lives and pose serious problems for the PD, partners and environment. This implies that if you have HPD, you don't function well at all. If you think that a certain HPD does, Chucky, maybe you should realise that this person probably has histrionic traits and not the disorder. Once again, count yourself lucky. It is clear from what you write that you did not experience the "full HPD experience" (which is okay - I'm genuinely happy for you).

On to the next point. Your points about admiring the drive and determination are completely flawed in my view. The same could be said about serial killers: okay, in ONE aspect they are very wrong, but you've got to admire their positive qualities (drive, motivation, strength of conviction even when the environment disapproves, intelligence, perseverance, consistence, ...). Now, before you take the instinctive approach and feel shocked that I would compare a HPD to a serial killer, hold on: off course I am not comparing the gravity of their actions. I am, however, stating this here to say that you can not split up abusive persons into different facets without doing a moral injustice to their victims. Yes, HPDs have some admirable traits when you isolate them, but what is that worth when you know that in practice you CAN'T isolate these.

Let me put it this way: do you admire serial killers because they know what they want and go out and get it? My bet is your answer is a solid "HELL NO". And my bet is the reasons would be:
1) Serial killers hurt others to achieve their solitary purpose
2) Serial killers are driven by a negative motivation. They are not meaning to do good. They just want something for themselves.
In the same vein, your admiration of HPDs because they know what they want and go out and get it is, pardon my french, pure bollocks when you factor in that
1) HPDs hurt others to achieve their solitary purpose
2) HPDs are driven by a negative motivation. They are not meaning to do good. They just want something for themselves.

Starting to make sense?

As I said before, I hear Hitler was a great chess player!

It's striking how you could substitute the term "HPD" with "rapist", "murderer" or any other form of abuser in a lot of what you write and still get the same hermetic, seemingly correct but implicitly flawed statements. Take this paragraph:

I do think that HPD is portrayed as an overly negative disorder most of the time, and that's because it's usually the victims of a person with HPDF who speak up about it. Where are the actual 'sufferers' of HPD itself? - The majority of them are out there functioning in life and getting on with things, something we could all look up to.

Now substitute "HPD" with "wife-beater". Once again, NO, I'm not comparing the gravity of the two types of abuse, but this extreme example show how your argument is false. Let's try it out:

I do think that wife-beating is portrayed as an overly negative disorder most of the time, and that's because it's usually the victims of a wife-beater who speak up about it. Where are the actual wife-beaters itself? - The majority of them are out there functioning in life and getting on with things, something we could all look up to.

What do you think when you read this last paragraph? I'm thinking: OF COURSE you only hear from the victims!!! The perpetrators don't speak up about it! They have a plain life towards the outside world, but in their intimate relationships they destroy peoples minds and lives. Often they repress their shame and guilt about what they do, or they don't even have enough empathy to care of feel bad about it. And you know what? These wife-beaters could be charming and witty succesful men in the outside world!! In your line of thinking, well, you should admire these guys. They know what they want and go out and get it.

Hmmm. Enough said here. Hey Chucky, I hope you don't see this as a personal attack, because it's not. I'm actually pretty fond of you for some reason (I think it's your tendency to always want to protect the 'weak' and try to see the positive in them that endears me). But I really, really, really really disagree with your view on HPDs.

I once had a girlfriend who also "saw the good in all people". Every rotten thing someone did, she explained 'away', saying "well, he does these things because he feels bad himself, because of his own traumas and issues". She was right about the origin of these people's behaviour. But she was wrong about her determination to see the good in everyone, even in the "bad" persons.

When you treat abusers with the same respect and warmth you do the victims, you are doing the victims a grave injustice.

Well Said Don, MyWave, and Harry_S.

Histrionic Personality STYLE, is ok the DISORDER is not. I think Chucky/Kevin admires the style, not the disorder. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt there. I know people with the style that achieve a lot and everyone wants to be around them and bask in their glory. They can maintain intimate relationships as well as see if they hurt someone and make amends for it. The Disordered out there, thats a whole other ball game. They leave a path of distruction, just like Jessica Rabbit does. Notice that She didn't even care that eddie was in trouble with his gf? Thats disordered, not just a style.

This is more realistic, I actually cant tell if they are acting or not ( I assume acting) as my HPD acts just like this

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=_UvZxSp3U ... re=related


Sir*Lingam

MyWave wrote:Glad you clarified what you admire. In terms of functioning I would disagree. Cheating, lying, manipulating, deception and taking pleasure in it then often enough leaving a path of destruction for others to clean up is not my idea of a highly functioning person

Nevertheless, I hope you feel better soon

Thanks MyWave. Although, I am not feeling much better, I greatly appreciate the nice gesture.

donlimpio, I didn't take what you said as a personal attack. Sir*Lingam summed up what was on my mind quite well actually. I just admire the way that people with HPD seem to just get on with things and never look back. If they did look back, they'd see their paths of destruction.

Look, I'm just going through a tough time and am trying to figure out how to be happy. I don't like the thought of being happy at other peoples' expenses though.

Take care,
Kevin