It Effects All of Their Relationships

miss_me wrote:all i know is with my next GF we're both visiting the therapist before we go on into something serious! hehe

Are you joking about this or are you serious? Sorry, I have trouble judging if a person is serious or not through a web-forum. it certainly seems far-fetched, but I'm sure that some new couples have done it before!

my therapist told me that she had a patient who had a prospective girlfriend take the MMPI and decided to terminate the relationship based on the result, which confirmed what he may have suspected. she didn't think it was a bad idea, esp. if you've suffered something like a borderline or HPD relationship, been through therapy and know you want or need a certain type of personality to compliment your own personality.

Beargarden wrote:...
Men in her age group or older know too well to stay away from women with checklists. And she has a checklist a mile long.

The HPD having no sense of the passage of time does tend to cling to the notion, we would call it fantasy, that there will come a man, (a prince charming if you will) that will literally be the answer to all of her dreams and desires. The HPD steadfastly believes this person exists and she just has not yet found him. Of course she finds him around every corner and under every rock only to find in a short time that he is not so she devalues him and the process starts anew. However, as you note, the likelyhood that she will find this man grows smaller and smaller with each passing year for precisely the reason you cite...

The man she is looking for is not looking for someone like her.

Beargarden wrote:... Each situation is different. Everyone’s coping skills and instincts are different. To prescribe blanket fashion the way you fellows do is to impose another script on a unique situation. Maybe for those who feel they have something fragile to protect a pre-planned mode of behavior is appropriate. But it’s really corny and chickensh*t for those who don’t tend to operate in an atmosphere of fear and foreboding...

It's not as unique as you would want to believe. The HPD is the lowest common denominator of human development. As such the "blanket fashion" as you describe is very appropo. As you learn more about this disorder you will find, as we have, that the similiarities across, distance, time and culture are remarkable to say the least. Lastly I believe you mis-apply "fear and foreboding". The analogy of a child learning about a hot stove fits nicely with learning to protect oneslf from the HPD. Fear might be a appropriate first response but soon enough the child learns not to fear the stove but will maintain a healthy respect for the damage carlessness can cause around a hot stove. That is what you are seeing here... not fear as you describe it.

Chucky wrote:

miss_me wrote:all i know is with my next GF we're both visiting the therapist before we go on into something serious! hehe

Are you joking about this or are you serious? Sorry, I have trouble judging if a person is serious or not through a web-forum. it certainly seems far-fetched, but I'm sure that some new couples have done it before!

I'm of a mind that some sort of pre-marital counselling might not be such a bad idea given the prevailing divorce rate is now above 60%.

Having said that my daughter got married just this evening. Her mother was not in attendance.

Chucky wrote:

miss_me wrote:all i know is with my next GF we're both visiting the therapist before we go on into something serious! hehe

Are you joking about this or are you serious? Sorry, I have trouble judging if a person is serious or not through a web-forum. it certainly seems far-fetched, but I'm sure that some new couples have done it before!

well, it's a bit too much of course, and i suppose it would be hard for some girl to accept, but i said it cause i'm so freaked out about my last relationship.. It's so SHOCKING when you start to be fully in love with a person who suddenly comes up with all those problems.

I suppose the easiest solution is not to rush into the relationship and to pay attention to all the red flags........
(emotional background,friends,insecurities)
If you notice something that worries you then maybe you can talk about therapy or group councelling.

Anyway, i've read so much stuff about disorders and psychology the last weeks, that i think i can diagnose myself !! heh

ccumm36D wrote:I'm of a mind that some sort of pre-marital counselling might not be such a bad idea given the prevailing divorce rate is now above 60%.

Having said that my daughter got married just this evening. Her mother was not in attendance.

I am tending to agree with you, but what would you say to regular counselling during the actual marriage itself? I believe that it is a must in these 'stress-filled' modern times.

I hope that your daughter and her partner are a 'match made in heaven'. Here's to their great future together *raises imaginary wine-glass*

Kevin

offtopic but best wishes to your daughter. *raises imaginary champagne-glass*

wtf.i tend to get so emotional when i hear about marriages these days. dammit. so gay. and i used to preach against it.
i'm sooooo scr****d arent I.

miss_me wrote:offtopic but best wishes to your daughter. *raises imaginary champagne-glass*

wtf.i tend to get so emotional when i hear about marriages these days. dammit. so gay. and i used to preach against it.
i'm sooooo scr****d arent I.

Oi! - Where did you get the champagne? I got stuck with just the wine

Don't worry about thinking about marriage, beecause I think about it a lot too. I don't like the thought of being with the same person for the rest of my life, but I think it'd be better than going it alone.

Chucky wrote:...I am tending to agree with you, but what would you say to regular counselling during the actual marriage itself? I believe that it is a must in these 'stress-filled' modern times.

I hope that your daughter and her partner are a 'match made in heaven'. Here's to their great future together *raises imaginary wine-glass*

Kevin

Thanks for the well wishes!

There is such a stigma attached to counselling in our society that regular counselling could be problematic for ones career and social outlook.

I'm of a mind that one goes to the doctor, the dentist, and the optomitrist for check-ups, so why not?

A unbiased reality check from a disinterested third party has not been a bad thing in my life.

My daughter and (for the first time anywhere) "son-in-law" just got on a plane for their honeymoon!

Congratulations to the father of the bride!
And let's hope she passes on the healthy gene..

ccumm36D wrote:I'm of a mind that one goes to the doctor, the dentist, and the optomitrist for check-ups, so why not?

This is one of the intuitive things I have heard recently (and I obviously agree with you!). There are still many people who have the wrong view of mental health though - They think, for example, that all of those in psychiatric hospitals are 'insane', when the majority are, in fact, just depressed and cannot cope with their lives.

Where did they decide to go on their honeymoon? Where do Americans usually go? A lot of Irish and British couples go some of those tropical islands in the Indian Ocean (for rexample, The Maldives, The Seychelles, etc.) for their honeymoons.

Kevin