Words from my exHPD girlfriend--believable??

Hello all,

Had some time on my hands and thought I'd throw out an update--you've all been very helpful!

After breaking it off with my HPD girlfriend back in June, we had no contact for almost 3 months. I was feeling great and getting over her and she pops back up, texting me. I'm feeling strong and decide to talk to her and see how her therapy is going and ask about her kids. She's doing OK although her life if messy, as usual. We've been talking and even going to lunch and she starts calling daily. She's told me she wants me back, I'm the man of her dreams, Blah Blah Blah. I say if you're in therapy and give up the fan club, maybe we'll see, but I'm not asking you to change for me. She says she quit therapy and is not ready to "settle down".

So, I realize she's telling me she wants me on HER terms so of course, I decline. I send her a long email basically stating my position on moving on and that I'm interested in a one on one relationship (I have another love interest I've been persuing.)

Here's what she says in response to me:

"I don't play a game of seduction as you perceive, I like to make people feel better because it serves me justice and i feel good about making others happy. My intent is good, just perceived wrong. It also makes me in control, as i've never been in control. I'm a fighter, I've been through hell. And when people need me, I'm there and when I need them they are not there and I stand alone...at this time I wish to separate myself from all...I'm not on a search for men, I'm on a search to find me--goodbye and good luck."

She's been diagnosed HPD and now she seems to think that's not the case. I'm aware she's "fooling around" with a married man and has another guy who seems to be her "new" boyfriend.

I know it's impossible to know for sure, but does she really believe she's helping men in need of love? If so, is this a result of her being raped by her step brother and uncle as a young girl and she wants to please other men in the same sick way? Or is it the HPD game of seduction like I'm thinking and she's playing martyr and blaming everybody for not understanding her plight? Just curious and still care more than I need to, I suppose.

That sounds rough, CGuy. I don't know the answer in your situation, but if I were facing this question in my situation, I'd say that she really believes in what she says...at least today she does. Tomorrow will be sure to see a change in thoughts and directions.

Are you sure she's actually sleeping with these guys, or is she just getting her need for attention met from whomever is available without getting too far down the path of intimacy?

cleaningguy wrote:After breaking it off with my HPD girlfriend back in June, we had no contact for almost 3 months. I was feeling great and getting over her ....

We've been talking and even going to lunch ... [then] I send her a long email basically stating my position on moving on ...

Hello, hello ... warning Will Robinson, warning.

I know it's impossible to know for sure ...

I think you're having what we in Oz call an intellectual w*nk. You've got TOO much time on your hands.

Stop having contact, and stop sending e-mails to a person you know is not rational and then analysing the responses. Are you nuts as well??

cleaningguy wrote:"I don't play a game of seduction as you perceive, I like to make people feel better because it serves me justice and i feel good about making others happy. My intent is good, just perceived wrong. It also makes me in control, as i've never been in control. I'm a fighter, I've been through hell. And when people need me, I'm there and when I need them they are not there and I stand alone...at this time I wish to separate myself from all...I'm not on a search for men, I'm on a search to find me--goodbye and good luck."

Allow me to re-write what she has wrote, so it makes more sense.

"I don't play a game of seduction as you perceive"

Interpretation: I do play games of seduction, I just don't want you to see it that way.

"I like to make people feel better because it serves me justice and I feel good about making others happy."

Interpretation: I only help other people if there's something in it for me, no other reason.

"My intent is good, just perceived wrong."

Interpretation: There's nothing wrong with me, it's the rest of the world. Also I'm a victim of everyone else's misunderstanding of me.

"It also makes me in control, as i've never been in control."

Interpretation: Allow me to manipulate you please, coz it makes me feel good.

"I'm a fighter, I've been through hell. And when people need me, I'm there and when I need them they are not there and I stand alone..."

Interpretation: I'm a martyr and a victim in all of this. Everyone else doesn't appreciate what I do for them, the whole human race is against me and doesn't understand me.

"at this time I wish to separate myself from all...I'm not on a search for men, I'm on a search to find me--goodbye and good luck"

Interpretation: I'm so alone and feel victimised in all of this, I need some man to help save me, I'm a damsel in distress, please be my knight in shining armour."

Cleaninguy, in each sentence she is pulling on your sympathy strings. Don't take the bait, ok?

Cheers

I'm learning......but I believe they thrive on the thrill of a new guy
liking them........and they love to conquer/control the new guy , whether it's for 1 day or two weeks, and they'll explain it with pure #######4.............they'll try to make themselves look good with their
explanation........mine had 21 "lovers" in 3 years...........most of them lasted two weeks.........

Thanks all! I've been doing great until we started to meet and initially she talked about her therapy going great and understanding her HPD situation better. But after a month, I she's dropped therapy and get this--she even admitted that of the 10 or so guys she's "friends", I'm number one.

Some 1 - I'm not sure she's having sex with either guy, but from a third party (pretty good source) she's been with one guy for a month (she says friends only) and the other guy she told me about and they "go out" on dates together and he's married, so...

Sense - I hope I'm not nuts--I'm in therapy and discovered a cumpulsion to caretake. Dangerous mix with HPD, don't you think? I'm self employed and it's actually helped in our service business, but in relationships, it's been getting me the wrong friendships.

Shivers - I love the interpretations and I know you are right. I guess my little "experiment" to see if someone she knows and trusts who will not "judge" her could shine some light. She tells me I'm the only one who calls her bluff....
interpretation "I want you to believe you're the only one I will listen to and be friends with." I got it......

Wiser - 21 guys in 3 years...I wonder did she tell you that? Thats about 1 guy every 3 months. That's the same ratio of my exHPD. Ironic that's about the length of time to suck someone in until they figure it out and on to the next victim.

Thanks and don't worry, I'm not going to slip into the abbyss....

You have to understand that HPDs defy all logic and reason. With normal personalities people always use there Intellect over there emotions to make normal sound decisions, where as HPDs only use there emotions as their decision making faculty.

Its always good to have a little romance and passion in life, but a HPDs life is just one big dramatic/romantic/passionate charade which is why it can be so exhausting in being around one.

The best thing to do in my opinion if you can muster up the self belief and confidence within yourself is to sever all ties with a HPD that you previously had an intimate relationship with.

The most frustrating thing about HPDs is that they can't recognise there own problem, so as far as im concerned they are all a lost cause not worth fighting for. Its probably best for you and for her to stay away from eachother.

CG,

Yes she told me.........but she was a 9.5 and very charming,
and I thought I could change her..........

I NEVER understood her till I found this website.........

Mine was many years ago...............

I just now have peace............

Her best friend summed it up very nicely.............

She said "You can marry anyone you like it doesn't mean crap'

"You can go to bed with anyone you want, it doesn't mean crap"

They believe their "love" is a gift to all the right guys !

nicholas wrote:You have to understand that HPDs defy all logic and reason...

Its always good to have a little romance and passion in life, but a HPDs life is just one big dramatic/romantic/passionate charade which is why it can be so exhausting in being around one.

... so as far as im concerned they are all a lost cause not worth fighting for...

Yahtzee! Bingo!

cleaningguy wrote:Thanks all! I've been doing great until we started to meet and initially she talked about her therapy going great and understanding her HPD situation better. But after a month, I she's dropped therapy and get this--she even admitted that of the 10 or so guys she's "friends", I'm number one.

Thats my point -- you were doing great until you had contact. IMHO, she's hoovering you -- sucking you back in.

Sense - I hope I'm not nuts--I'm in therapy and discovered a cumpulsion to caretake.

Compulsion to caretake -- you're not Robinson Crusoe there buddy.

But sending e-mails to someone who you think is not rational and then analysing the responses just doesn't seem a productive use of your time.