Another update--HPD is really about the sex, isn't it!?!

Pygmalion Papillion wrote:Freetobeme reminds me of Rockergirl.
That is a compliment.

rockergirl wrote:

Pygmalion Papillion wrote:Freetobeme reminds me of Rockergirl.
That is a compliment.

Welcome home

Thanks everyone!

I have effectively removed a lot of my emotions and feelings for her.

I don't think I can be mean and use her for the sex then tell her to get lost. I have such a hard time seeing her as a "robot" and not having feelings for other people like is probably the case, but.....anyway. Roni, I agree that friends with benefits is just a tool for the HPD and doesn't work in the real world anyway, HPD or not.

She wants me to visit her therapist with her. I truly think this girl knows she's mixed up and would like to change but has no idea how to.

I'm staying in control and not being controlled. It feels awesome! Thanks again all!!!

Kane wrote:My grandfather had an IQ of over 180. He had an anhedonic lifestyle and compensated it with sex. He used to have sex parties with women around his city. It is safe to assume he would have had it with his wife.

I'd like to buy your grandfather a beer.

She wants me to visit her therapist with her. I truly think this girl knows she's mixed up and would like to change but has no idea how to.

This sounds like things are at a good place for both of you.

I'm staying in control and not being controlled. It feels awesome!

How sweet is is! I share your joy. The road ahead for me right now is pretty promising, largely for the same reasons.

Kane, if your grandfather used to have sex parties, I must say he sounds like the HPD one. Or, maybe they're both HPD.

Roni wrote:Kane, if your grandfather used to have sex parties, I must say he sounds like the HPD one. Or, maybe they're both HPD.

It is common for highest geniuses to do so. JFK was a good example.

We're talking about a man who complained about getting his lowest grade, a B, in advanced calculus, two years into college after he became an alcoholic, mind you.

cleaningguy wrote:Thanks everyone!

I have effectively removed a lot of my emotions and feelings for her.

She wants me to visit her therapist with her. I truly think this girl knows she's mixed up and would like to change but has no idea how to.

I'm staying in control and not being controlled. It feels awesome! Thanks again all!!!

Yes, it does feel awesome too. I join in with Lobstermanne about how great it feels. I, too, held loathing, resentment and hatred for my NPD partner last year. I made this year my goal of looking after myself and getting back my emotional balance and feeling good again, and I've achieved it. Getting to the place of indifference is a good feeling.

I, too, think my NPD knows he's mixed up and would like to change, but he has no idea how to. He constantly resists the suggestions of what needs to be done and consistently searches for outside influences that could explain his irresponsibility, his fantasies, his self-proclaimed long feelings of blackness and emptiness and his lack of interest in anything around him that doesn't directly concern himself.

But I do suggest you don't bother going to the therapist with her, it'll draw you back in. The counselling/therapy is highly unlikely to proceed along as you plan. She'll hoodwink the therapist, she'll stay silent, occasionally rolling her eyes and by body language and insinuation the therapist will pick up from her that she's a sweet kind and gentle girl and you're the over-reacting one. Eventually, the therapist won't get easy information from her and will end up concentrating on you as you are the most verbose and easiest to work with. The therapist is highly likely to get the scenario between you and your ex totally twisted and you'll walk out all frustrated and uptight and wondering how in the hell did that happen. Then it takes several days for you to wind down, and before you know it, you realise you're entangled back in.

That is what happend to me about 3 months ago, I didn't really want to go, but didn't want to be seen as the objectionable one. It was a bad move on my behalf, and now I'm firmly of the mind, it's HIS problem, let HIM seek his own treatment and I don't even want to know about it, unless there's something nice and positive about it he'd like to share.

So he's going to his men's intervention programme and we don't discuss very much, but he did share one area that I found mildly interesting.

Will he ever be 'fixed', to become a loving, caring, devoted, empathic partner and parent? My attitude: Who gives a $#%^, if it happens then good for him.

To Kane again,

I'm not aware of any correlation between high IQ and multiple sexual partners. In fact, I strongly suspect that if we looked at the research (which I confess I haven't done), the opposite would be true- that higher IQ would be directly correlated with fewer sexual partners.

Anecdotally, I think there might be an association between having a position of great power, and sexual misbehavior (a la JFK). In other words, I think the variable that might predict a JFK kind of situation is position of power, rather than the possession of great intelligence. Other possible factors in such sexual behavior, besides positions of power, include bipolar disorder (people are often hypersexual when they are manic), and (sorry) certain personality disorders.

I'm not trying to say anything bad about your grandfather. I'm just saying that (in my opinion), sex parties are not a reason to admire someone. Did your grandfather accomplish worthwhile things in life? If so, those are reasons to admire him.

Please let me know if you find reliable studies that show I'm FOS