Just two days out and feeling crushed.

Well guys just thought I would update you on whats been going on in my world. I'm two days out from my HPD. Yep I called it off, it just took me some time to actually get the nerve to do it. Thats why i dissapeared from here for a while. I'm having those lonesome feelings and miss her pretty bad. I mean after all she did I still have feeling for her and think about her. But I know this will lead me to a better life and make me happier, just not right now. I have to get thru this. Also Roni I want you to know your posts have been an inspiration to me and have kind of helped me to do this also. Its really sad that there are personality disorders like this and that they ruin relationships. I wish this on no one and hope that all of you still in the relationship will get to the point where I am. Good luck to all and I will post on this subject as the days go on.

Hang in there, kiddo...

Sledge, hang in there. You'll be glad you made the decision to leave after some time goes by and you've made the adjustment. I know how hard it is. Sometimes I still have moments where it seems like it just happened. I dream about him sometimes - we're just doing everyday stuff, like in my sleep my brain forgets that he isn't here anymore. It is tragic that these people we love cannot love us back, or even accept the love that we want to give them.

Again, stay tough. You can do it. I'll keep a good thought for you.

Sledge, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I didn't even get to end things with mine on my own terms. It is very tough. I haven't had any contact with my wife since the middle of May. You can PM me if you want to chat. I know what you are going through.

Hey Sledge-

I hope things are still going well for you.

Please keep in mind that if you go back, NOTHING will change. You will find the same brick wall that you've been hitting your head against all this time - still waiting for you. Oh, I need to correct something about the change part... you WILL find change... in the different types of headaches you'll receive from the pounding your head and heart gets.

Sledge, so how's it going? Are you still holding firm?

Hey guys how is everyone? Well i've been doing o.k. for the most part not being around my HPD. Yes its been tough but i've been hanging in there. Well I had a strange turn of events and I would like to know your guys opinions. About two days ago after several days of no contact I started recieving text messages as follows~~

Sunday Night- I want you to come stay with me tonight I know
you dont understand.
Monday Night- I love you poobear.
Monday Night- I'm sorry I know its me.
Monday Night- You know i'm a very selfish person and I never
think about what I do or say. I always think i'm
right and I really never give you a chance. I'm
always pointing the finger and never at myself.
Youre right I need to think before I speak and if
I gave you a lot more of me you would do the
same. I need you to touch and hold me but youre
right why would you wanna be around a bitch all
the time.
Monday Night- I'm so very sorry Shawn.
Monday Night- I know what I want in my life and I want to rush
things so I dont loose it but when I get it I get
scared and push it away. So I need to do a life
change and just take it slower and it will be o.k..

Anyway guys is this typical HPD behavior? Trying to get me back and acting like this? She got me a card, balloon, and a stuffed animal today. What the hell do I do? My god i'm in a frickin endless hurricane that never ends. Talk about tugging at my heart strings.

You block her number. You delete text messages without reading them. Have enough sense to know that she's telling you what you want to hear and as soon as she has you again it's going to be business as usual. Take it from someone who's been in your position and forgiven her: YOU WILL GET ###$ OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN if you so choose to take her back into your life.

Let me share something with you that I heard today.

From a woman speaking about her abusive husband who she'd been separated from.

"At one stage my phone registered 90 missed calls in one day. That is when I found out the number flips back to 1 if it goes any higher. The SMS's I received were interspersed with pleading, apologising, grovelling, threatening and outright (foul) name calling. One day, I'd just simply had enough, and told him I didn't read his messages and to stop bothering sending them. And he did. I don't know why after 3 years they suddenly stopped."

Even though the gender roles are reversed for you and I have no idea if this woman's husband was ever diagnosed with anything in the medical field, the jaws of everyone in the room dropped once she said the last sentence. This woman had put up with incessant phone calls and SMS's for 3 years! 3 bleedin' years! Can you believe that?

Anyway, it was deemed that her flat matter-of-factly statement of telling him to stop was the catalyst for having him stop. She must have made it clear that they didn't affect her in any way. Her tone must have been different from prior times, or whatever.

But I guess the point is after 2 days of SMS's you may only be starting on your 'being stalked' journey. So the best advice anyone can give you is to IGNORE everything she sends in it's entirety.

Good luck.

Sledge wrote:Monday Night- You know i'm a very selfish person and I never
think about what I do or say.
Anyway guys is this typical HPD behavior? Trying to get me back and acting like this?

Hey Sledge-
I believe I can understand your heartbreak and the struggle of letting this go. The feelings you may have are strong - and you may want to try again with the hope you are holding on to. Yet, nothing in the long run will change with her. You are witnessing the 'approach and avoid' set of emotions game that they play so well with people. They come on strong and tell you what YOU want to hear. And then, when they have you - they will start the devaluing and avoid cycle again.

I quoted your Monday night message because my ex HPD told me on our third date... "You know people have told me that I can be rather selfish".
At the time, I had no clue to the warning that seeped out of her mouth. I was in my denial stage of... 'I am special and she will be different with me'. I am convinced that HPDs admit to these short comings - not as a confession to change their behavoir - but more of a rationalization to how they are - and they believe that you just now need to accept it.