Easily Influenced

I've read that HPDs are easily influenced by others. I think the final blow to my relationship with my HPD was his spending time with a certain person who (I think) is morally bankrupt.

The person is married but having an affair. He also is one of the top bosses in my HPD's company. This person (I'll call him 'slimy') goes on trips with his girlfriend and my HPD and a couple other guys who are subordinates in his company. On top of it all, his girlfriend is not content to just be there with someone else's husband; she has to climb all over all the guys. I think 'slimy' is using my HPD and the other guys as an alibi. If his wife asks about the trip, he'll just talk about going with the guys. (I've also been invited, but learned the hard way not to go on these trips.)

My HPD is suckered by this guy. The guy buys them all drinks and strokes their egos. My HPD thinks this guy really likes him and goes out of his way to do favors for him. I think the guy just uses him.

Anyway, after my HPD has spent time with this guy, it's like he's a different person for a while. The "sleaze" seems to wear off on him. That had actually happened when we had the huge fight that was probably the end of our relationship.

Of course, my HPD is responsible for his behavior, not anyone else. Most people would see "slimy" for what he is, but my HPD is too flattered and too naive to see it.

Frustrating, but as usual, nothing to be done about it.

Check. My HPD is definately influenced by others, directly and indirectly. Being somewhat jealous of her best friend, I was used as a means of one upmanship against her friend. This caused the friend to go around her mutual friends, spreading malicious gossip as to what her true intentions were in our relationship. My HPD had no way to counter the gossip, so she split up with me. However, she claims it was all my fault. Therefore I don't think you'd be able to get an HPD ever to admit that they are easily influenced.

Check two! Mine is...or was...a total chameleon who can win over whoever he happens to be hanging out with. Which is why I don't feel like I can trust him, I don't know if he really is being honest or if he's just telling me what I want to hear. He has a long history of giving his "audience" whatever they want and in a way that will win his the maximum amount of attention. It's hard to get at the truth when everybody gets a different version of the story.

This is a very interesting subject!

The HPD is easily influenced but keep this in context. One doesn't have to make an effort to influence the HPD. She allows this to happen passively and subconciously.

If you like football, she will like football. If you like car racing, she will like car racing...etc.

That's how that works. It's then that superficiality and shallowness begin to work their way in. She probably doesn't know anything about football or car racing but will BS her way through a conversation to make those around her think she is a fan.

Most people see right through this. But the HPD will think she's the life of the party!

God, how many times have I seen this happen? If I had a nickel...

Yes I noticed this with my HPD. I'm a java programmer and musician. She almost immediately wanted to learn java (didn't get past page one...) and learn the piano. She had told me that she had done some java programming. She hadn't, obviously.

In thinking about this topic, perhaps the question should be why or how are we so easily influenced by them. i.e. the mirroring they do makes us fall right in line and more easily manipulated.

I agree that most of the time they probably don't know that they're doing it (being influenced by others, and mirroring that other person).

Come to think of it, that must have a lot to do with the "know-it-all" factor! To be what everyone is/wants, you have to know about everything! I never thought of that before. Like you said, ccumm36D, they BS their way thru conversations. And, mine at least doesn't seem to worry about looking foolish if he doesn't know what he's talking about. He convinces himself that he knows as much about the subject as the person he is talking to - even if the other person is an expert in that area.

Mine also would never admit that he's easily influenced in general, or unduly influenced by anyone in particular. As for 'slimy,' my HPD needs to believe that slimy really likes him and wants to look after him (in the company). He knows I think that slimy just uses him, but he thinks I'm just biased against slimy (because he's slimy

This stuff also makes me think back to the big fight where he lost it (huge temper tantrum) because I knew some trivial fact that he didn't. It makes more sense when I think if it as tying into his whole method for getting supply

Oh, and yes, blueguitar, I also think an important question is why we're so easily influenced by them.

I remember when I first met my HPD, thinking that he's full of s**t. But, strangely, I soon didn't care. It was kinda like in the movie "Weird Science." Here was a person that seemed made to order for me. Putty in my hands. Back to my insight about control. I see more and more that in many ways we do have much of the control in these relationships, and maybe that's much of the appeal.

The trick is remembering that what we created isn't real. But let's face it - would anyone send back that girl from weird science (or her male counterpart) once they were in our bedroom?

I think, the thing with HPDs is that they are incredibly easy to manipulate. That being said, despite how easy it is to manipulate them, how overtly obvious their puppet strings are, and how they subconciously guide everyone they meet to discovering them, there is more to it. To put it simply, once you inevitably start pulling their strings, you gradually start to get tangled in them too. You start off thinking you are in control, that you are the puppet master. However, as time goes by, you become so tangled in the complex web of strings that it becomes harder and harder to tell the difference between you and them. When you jerk, they move, but when they jerk, so do you. Soon enough, you will come to realise that the HPD is actually the puppet master, trained to play a puppet in tangled strings of their own design. It's quite fascinating really. Especially due to the fact many HPDs do not even realise that this is what they are doing. The orchestrate this amazing web of deciet and entrapment without even a clear concious intention (or motivation) to do so.

Fascinating.

Great analogy, Digital.

I've only recently realized that I was pulling the strings. And, once again, another layer reveals itself.

I think you're right about the strings now entangling us both. It is fascinating.

digital.noface wrote:I think, the thing with HPDs is that they are incredibly easy to manipulate. That being said, despite how easy it is to manipulate them, how overtly obvious their puppet strings are, and how they subconciously guide everyone they meet to discovering them, there is more to it. To put it simply, once you inevitably start pulling their strings, you gradually start to get tangled in them too. You start off thinking you are in control, that you are the puppet master. However, as time goes by, you become so tangled in the complex web of strings that it becomes harder and harder to tell the difference between you and them. When you jerk, they move, but when they jerk, so do you. Soon enough, you will come to realise that the HPD is actually the puppet master, trained to play a puppet in tangled strings of their own design. It's quite fascinating really. Especially due to the fact many HPDs do not even realise that this is what they are doing. The orchestrate this amazing web of deciet and entrapment without even a clear concious intention (or motivation) to do so.

Fascinating.

For most people. =P