Ever seen the monster?

Second time in the last 14 years I've seen a glimpse of what my soon-to-be ex was afraid to look at inside herself. Just last night.
First question (as always) is "was it real?"
Since I'm never quite sure what's genuine from her, I can't swear that it was.... but I think it was.

I had shown her the "Train Wreck" story that morning along with a copy of HPD in depth and told her that she needs to go to a therapist (which she does anyway getting divorced) and ask to be checked out.
She seemed receptive but guarded. Didn't want to take the papers with her when she went home, so I wrote it off as a lost cause.

She called me that evening and wanted me to come over to talk about it. I figured I'd be on my guard and see if I could make her see.
To her credit, she had actually read her way through the entire article.

When we settled down to business, she began immediately trying to convince me that while some of this stuff applied to her, other stuff didn't. I said that's normal.
She tried to convince me that she didn't have this "HPD", and I said "well, no harm in being sure right? I'm not the one who makes that call, so no point in convincing me. Why not just go and see?

But she was persistent. This began a last-ditch attempt to get her to see it before I gave up.
I asked a series of questions related to how she perceived the death of our relationship. Every time she would answer with a rationalization, I asked another question about the seeming contradictions in her answers.
I won't bore you with the litany, but when I got to "If 'you going out and having sex with other women 'is a relationship 'on my terms', why did I need a therapist?" and she couldn't answer, she freaked out.

Have you ever seen a small child truly abused by their raging, alcoholic parent? Berated, demeaned ?
She laid into herself with a fury that was staggering and more than a little frightening. What was odd was that it never referenced the feelings of anybody she had damaged...as if she had truly never grasped the scope of the things she did when she did them.
Which I suppose she wouldn't.
It was all about how she had completely destroyed the only thing she ever wanted because she was stupid and mean and it was all her fault and she doesn't even know if she's gay and scrunched up her face and screamed "and I did it on purpose!" and now she's lost everything because she's too dumb for her own good..." etc and etc. Just a horrible flood of self-contempt and self-*hatred*
I talked her down and reassured her as best I could until she was as stable as I could get her (she was actually pretty...well hysterical), gave her a hug, and said "That's what's wrong. It's too scary to look in there by yourself. Please get help."

I'm not sure if it worked, but it was extremely disturbing to see. Today she told me she had arranged to see a therapist. I wished her well.

Anybody else ever seen this happen? Just a glimpse of how overpowering the self-loathing in there really is? No wonder they can't bring themselves to look.

Of course, it could have all been an act, but if so it's the performance of a lifetime.

Wow, that's pretty interesting! I pressed my girl hard a number of times about things but she never turned on herself. We still communicate a little. Of course I havn't yet attempted to show her anything about the HPD either.

There were times when I became so totally fed up with her stupid #######4 that I would really go off. When that happened she literally would shrink away like a child, curl up and say nothing. At the time I thought it was odd. I felt like a normal person would have just automatically became very defensive and she did the opposite.

When I threw her out of my apartment is was also very ugly. She would not go and I had to physically remove her 2 different times in the same night. She was begging to stay.... denying the undeniable cheating she did that week! Even after the guy admitted it to me on the phone that very night. I refused to let her prevent me from putting her out! The result was a very rough experience. The kind that any normal person would have just walked away from.

I think that deep down these people thing nothing of themselves and like yours may have revealed, actually loath themselves.

That may seem like a promising attribute to have. After all, maybe they will want to get help if they are hurting that bad over all they have lost.

Here is where I think it breaks down though. They are hurting over the consequences of they're behavior. Not the wrongful hurt they have dished out to the people that have loved and lost a great deal while standing with them.

If they are able to attain some self improvement... maybe even clean up some of the mess they have made of their lives. Long term it's not likely to mean much. Afterall, what happens to a newly clean house after a while? So often it gets filled up with even more crap than you started out with!

The problem is that they need to see themselves in light of who they really are... They desperately need a change of heart!! The consequences of their lives point to that need but all they want is the consequences lifted form their shoulders... nothing more.

This simple truth leaves them hopelessly trapped... slaves to their selfish ways.[/b]

They are hurting over the consequences of they're behavior. Not the wrongful hurt they have dished out to the people that have loved and lost a great deal while standing with them.

Exactly. Even now she's hurting not because she's done such awful things to the people who truly cared for her, but because they're no longer around fawning over her. She truly has no idea where she went wrong.