Anger Difference in HPD/BPD

I am around lots of PDs. I am very interested in two young women who present with BPD and HPD features or traits. Neither has a PD diagnosis or diagnostic impression.

The one who I believe has the most HPD features is very needy, clingy and cries a lot, then shuts it off like a light switch. She denies being angry. In fact, her goal in life is for "everyone to love me."

She's physically attractive, until you get into her endless emotional dramas. She has a boyfriend that cheats and when he cheats, she cheats. Then she blames her boyfriend for making her cheat and tells the guy she cheated with she can't understand why he's angry with her over her dropping him for the cheating boyfriend.

She says she has slept with the guy she uses so he won't hate her for forgiving her cheating boyfriend. Another goal is to make "everyone in my life happy and keep them happy."

I asked her how she plans to keep two men who want her happy. She said she doesn't "think those thoughts because they disturb my mind too much." She says when she's with her boyfriend, she keeps him happy with sex. Then, if she's with the guy she uses, she'll have sex with him so he'll "love me, too, like I want him to," but it is not her fault because "he gets me to do it, I don't just do it."

The one with BPD features is very attractive (physically). She gets very angry, though, and when she's angry, she wants everyone to know it. Five minutes later she's right back to her "normal" place.

She came in one week and said she would never date again. The next week, she was in love with a guy that she's met twice and intends to marry him. I pointed out this guy seemed just like the one she had just before him. She told me they are completely different guys, that "I've learned all my lessons about men."

Are one of the main differences between the HPD and BPD featured is how they deal with anger? HPDs generally seem to deny any anger, although I usually can see a lot of rage built up inside them.

BPD featured seem more outward with their anger, almost to the opposite extreme. They make it worse than it is, then forget all about it ten minutes later. They're like a roller coaster ride. You never know what you're going to get around each turn.

Please don't label anyone with mental health problems, especially if they haven't seen any mental health professionals, because their condition can be just anything or they can be perfectly normal.

The HPD you describe IS ANGRY. She's showing it by cheating on her boyfriend left and right to get back at him.

I follow the work of James Masterson. He says HPD is an upper level Borderline, which the DSM does not take into account.

I don't consider myself labeling them because I said they have "features" or "traits" of HPD and BPD. I know them well enough and have been around them long enough to identify that many of their behaviors are "features" of HPD and BPD.

I do not consider them "normal." Most people I know, when angry, stay angry and have to "cool down." Most people I know stay upset for more than two minutes when they are upset. They don't switch their emotions on and off within seconds, not even minutes.

As far as consistency, most people I know that I consider "normal" or close to it are more consistent in their beliefs. They don't change radically from hour to hour, for example, stating one hour they are deeply in love with a person because he's heroic, then the next hour claiming he's "pure evil" and the "worst person to have breathed since Hitler." I consider those statements reflective of extremely conflicted thoughts.

Kevin what you are describing is splitting and discontinuity of the selves. All are typical in people who suffer from disorders of the self.

"Are one of the main differences between the HPD and BPD featured is how they deal with anger? HPDs generally seem to deny any anger, although I usually can see a lot of rage built up inside them."

Yes as Al Bernstein says in Emotional Vampires HPD's are heavy on the denial and one of the most commonly denied things is that they are really angry.

Its not because HPD's are actually perfectionists and want to be perfect but rather they simply want to appear perfect little angels to everyone.

As Al says they are moreso perfectionist wannabes.

"BPD featured seem more outward with their anger, almost to the opposite extreme. They make it worse than it is, then forget all about it ten minutes later. They're like a roller coaster ride. You never know what you're going to get around each turn."

Yeah this is how BPD's hurt and confuse their lovers and friends.

They are often overly extremely nice when you first meet them and then as time goes on they begin raging at you constantly and you can never make things right no matter what you do.

You can never get back totally the nice girl you knew in the beginning and as she paints things as your fault and you being the crazy one you begin to believe it and get totally emotionally messed up inside.

Oh and it helps to make you feel crazy that she acts totally normal around your friends and relatives so if you explain how twisted she is you are looked at like you are out of your mind by these people.

I'd say with all of this they are a little worse than HPD's to be a partner of for a non Cluster B Personality Disordered person.

HPD's mess people's minds up by acting all in love and building you up to that belief too but then suddenly to them nothing ever existed between the both of you.

Its that word denial again.

Kontroller,

Thank you for this insight. I'd like to ask another question. The one who seems to have more HPD features appears very angelic around older employees. She never swears or curses in front of them. She is very subservient and meek, almost. It is a conservative environment, so they eat up her behavior.

Then, when she's away or they're away, she becomes a different person. A lot coarser, swears, curses, flips the finger, all these things that "angel girl" wouldn't be caught dead doing.

I actually like the rougher side to her better because it makes me more comfortable. If this makes any sense, of all of her sides, I think the rougher side that's less angelic seems more "real." The others just smack of fakery to me.

If she is a true HPD, are any of the sides really her core personality, though? Or are they all basically "roles" that she assumes, poses she assumes at certain times in certain situations?

I am reading Emotional Vampires and am enjoying it. I don't think it has a BPD section, though. Why do you think that is? Or am I overlooking it?

Thanks.

"If she is a true HPD, are any of the sides really her core personality, though? Or are they all basically "roles" that she assumes, poses she assumes at certain times in certain situations?"

All just roles according to an HPD friend I have just talked to about your question.

"I am reading Emotional Vampires and am enjoying it. I don't think it has a BPD section, though. Why do you think that is? Or am I overlooking it?

Thanks."

Some therapists refuse to treat BPD's for the difficulty involved in it.

Perhaps Al Bernstein is one such therapist.

I've wondered that myself why he has all the other Cluster B's covered in his book but not BPD's.

You could go to his official website and email him a question of why no BPD section is included.

I've emailed him about HPD before and he does respond.