Relationship grieving with HPD

I have HPD, so I figured maybe this would be better here than in the relationship section. A relationship I was in lasted from April 2012 to roughly July of the same year. It was never official.. He was seeing me as a side experimentation while he was still with his girlfriend. I knew from the first night that it was love, but I never told him until long after we had ceased meaningful contact.

We were pretty spotty with our activity, and I feel like I came down with limerence. One day it was over, but by over I mean he stopped talking to me pretty much forever, except for when we were coincidentally around each-other.

And I knew it was over, but I so bad wanted to go back to the high-point of the relationship. Instead of doing anything that would make this more likely, I muddied my reputation with him and possibly tarnished his relationship with his girlfriend by exploiting his shortcomings to her in front of both of them, even (unsuccessfully) trying to push her into breaking up with him on the spot.

At the end of the school-year I wrote him a letter that provided me closure, and he promised not to share it with a pinky promise... which really, it might sound stupid, but it was the most meaningful thing he ever did for me.

I tried to contact him over the summer (summer of 2013) but he wouldn't have it... he instead made backhanded tweets about how I was a psycho and how no amount of hot could make up for crazy.

The last time I contacted him was in September when I was doing a school orientation lesson on stalking, which inspired me to apologize to him. He didn't respond.

I don't cry about him anymore, but I still get butterflies when I dream about what if we were together. My friends wanted to destroy his car, but he loves his car, and the thought of ruining that for him makes me want to cry. Does that mean I'm not over him or does that mean I'm being mature?

I find myself anxiously seeking out and pining for guys who remind me of him. I don't know what to do.

hi there cik -

i swear it amazes me every time i open up a thread in these forums i find someone living a parallel life. here's my $.02:

i think we all dream about getting back to the high point of certain relationships. we also tend to dwell on the 'ones that got away' and it LE SUCKS! the butterflies still remain from the residual passion that never quite faded.

i'm sorry that he tweeted about you...that was invalidating and terribly immature. i understand we all get hurt but that's not an open forum to vent, it's incredibly public. and i call #######4 on no amount of hot can make up for crazy just look around!!!

i think your feelings of limerence are spot on. i'm wondering how many pwHPD experience that rather than real love. i know i do.

i also think your thoughts are mature about wrecking his car...are your friends really serious!?! don't get me wrong, i'm personally thinking of destroying someone's property for destroying my heart but in all REALITY, i never would. they're just thoughts that will subside once the indifference finally washes in. be good, but don't try and find an exact replica of someone who didn't work out. unless it's physical traits, then knock yourself out! i DEFINITELY have a type