Concerns about my personality. Possible histrionic male.

I know we are not allowed to diagnose each other here and I'm not looking for that niether. I just wanna went my feelings about myself and hear your thoughts about it, if you have any to share.

The last few years I've been getting feelings that something is "wrong" with me. Its quite difficult to explain since there are alot of diffuse feelings involved that make me feel like this. I'm a 27 year old guy who have never been in a serious relationship with a woman and this is starting to concern me and I actually feel shame about it too.

I have dated and "fooled around" quite much during my years as single, though. My dating episodes have usually lasted for about three months and then ended, mainly for two reasons. One of them is that I have lost interest and broken up. I have never reflected on this as a remarkable thing; to date and then "loose interest" and break up but I realize it is pretty remarkable. In the past I have mostly been thinking "it happends, she wasn't right for me" but the remarkable thing about it is that I have been really intimate with these girls during our dating periods. I think its true that these girls haven't been just the right for me to have a serious relationship with but if that is the case, why did I became so intimate with them? I saw something I liked in them but I should have known myself better than to become so intimate that I did, just because I thought they were cute or so shouldn't make me get involved in that way. I mean I should know myself got enough to know what I really want and what is worth getting involved with.

I have also dated very attractive and independent girls which I got very emotionally attached to. In the very beginning of these dating periods I am calm, cool and act confident. I don't know if I act this way to make her more interested subconciously or if I really feel calm, cool and confident. However when I get to the point when we've become intimate and sleep with each other I become VERY emotionally involved. It's almost as I loose focus on everything else in my life and my only purpose is to get more intimacy. In the beginning of the dating when I don't have this feelings I act spontaneuous and confident but when it has reached the second point I get very analyzing. I get self-conscious about what signals I send out and it makes me loose my spontanity and cool calmness. I just crave more intimacy with these girls. I realize that this an pretty unattractive behaviour and I realize its very unhealthy for a relationship. However my feelings are too strong to ignore. I need alot of attention during this period to feel assartive and if I dont get it I get depressed (which I don't show of course).

Besides the relationship part I have other things that I think fits in the histrionic personality. I think I am pretty teatralistic when I tell stories and use a pretty strong body language. Mostly when I tell stories though, when I do small talk I don't. I can be pretty funny and tend to get people to laugh. When I was younger I really wanted to be in the center of the attention much and got that by doing crazy stuff. I have a pretty hard time coping with having longer conversations with people I find uninteresting or boring. After a while I get a buzz in my body that tells me to "take me away from this guy" and I think I can show "the stare" that have been discussed sometimes in this situations when the small talk with this kind of person gets to boring and I have nothing more to say. I think I can get that same look in my eyes sometimes when I sit around people and talk and having a beer for example and someone is telling a story to the company when I'm not totally in. I easily wonder away in my thought in these situations and I'm pretty sure "the stare" occurs then because I can feel it. It is sort of a mixed feeling by emptiness, confusion why I feel empty and a slight worry if people pick this things up. Therefore I struggle to fit in and be adequate, normal and part of the conversation and because of this struggle I feel even more uncomfortable.

I dont have social phobia at all. I like being around people I like and I like being around people in general if I feel good about myself. But I've noticed that simple things can make me feel uncomfortable and make my thoughts spin-off about things like how I come off, what people think of me etc. When I am very relaxed around people I don't know very good I tend to come off a little to confident almost arrogant and that kan make the exakt same carousell of thoughts and feelings start. I dont wanna come off as arrogant. I'd hate that.

I have empathy for other people and I can feel bad when bad things happend to people. Sometimes when people tell me something about themself or their lives that they feel bad about I can get that empty stare too, I'm pretty sure of it. Then I don't feel anything and know that I should feel something which makes me feel empty. I feel that I wanna act empathic so this person feels comfortable in opening up to me but since I don't I feel fake when I support. However, I dont know how bad this really are even if it feels bad. I really don't think that other people feel huge empathic feelings about their friends whenever they tell you something that they don't like in their lifes and whatsoever. I think that most people, just as me, think logical and try to give perspective and support by logic. I do that too and I am a pretty good and smart guy so I think I can give pretty good support too. But the empty feeling just comes anyway and it is when I am out of logical things to say that I can feel bother about that I might have the empty look in my eyes when I shouldn't.

When I speak I can feel hollow, like I dont even care about the things I talk about. I can have strong opinions about stuff but about other stuff that I should have solid opinions about I just feel like I'm ranting on about without having any true feelings or opinions about what I say when I talk about it. That can for example be about my education which is in a solid subject most people find interesting and like to talk about.

When I was younger I was extremely influenced by some guys that I found interesting and got to know. I could copy the way they spoke or even their opinions. That has tended to decline with age but I can still copy some small ways of some peoples way of talking and make it my own.

I have noticed that I can have problems looking people in the eyes when I talk to them but if I focus I can do it. The thing is that I can easily loose focus when talking to people because I have many other things in my head. Some girls have mentioned it as being "mysterious" or "cute" but its definiately not and I don't wanna be that niether. Its just feelings that arise in when I interact with people and me trying to arrange and work those feelings out with my thoughts.

I am a person with alot of feelings and most of them are connected to girls. I really love girls alot and if I for example go on a vacation to a cool, new city where there are alot of nice girls everywhere I can feel depressed. I starts to crave for intimacy from all these girls I see and I just get blue because obviously I can't get that. Sure I can end up sleeping with some or flirting with some but I simply can get enough. I dont think I'm sexually inappropriate but I can, if I'm in the right mood approach girls with an EXTREME seductive behaviour. Its just as my brains goes in to autopilote and I do all the "right" things that I have heard about dating support books write about. I mix being very seductive with compliments and jokes with being cold and "macho" and all the other creepy BS stuff these books try to learn guys who wanna pick up girls to do. I have never read these stuff though, for me it comes automaticly and its almost as I can sit back and watch the show while its happening. It usually works and I end up getting what I want but it has to be the right enviroment and I have to feel confident to be like that. I have thought about this "mode" and I just think it is superficial. I really ACT an act. Its hard to explain because it is ME, I don't think while doing it, but its still an act because there is only one thing in mind while doing which is intimacy and/or sex. Almost like a predator hunting, it just does it without thinking. I dont like that I get like that because it does nothing for my real selfconfidence but I'm actually having alot of fun while doing it. Fun, is something that my brain knows. Almost too good.

There are probably alot of other things I could write down too, especially about my childhood but I think this is enough for now. I know that we are not supposed to diagnose eachother on this forum, I'm not looking for that. I do feel that I wanna went this things out since I have never spoken about it or written about it.

It would be very valueable for me to get other peoples opinions or views about how much this could be normal, unnormal, just a personality trait like anyother or something more serious worth adressing serious. I just dont know much about how to tackle my concerns about all this right now.

Update: I felt pretty ashamed writing all this even though its anonymous. However I felt I really had to went my thoughts and feelings about this somewhere since I have been thinking about it for some time and this was a good place to do it.

I was reading further on about personality types and ran into the four temperaments; sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic. Even though I am critical about defining persons into one of four types of personalites I find this interesting. My conclusion is that I dont have a disorder. I probably have some issues like most people (more or less which doesnt really matter) but I see myself as a phlegmatic person.

I dont know why I have been ashamed over the fact that I am very easy going and pretty worrying at the same time. In my mind I guess the normal thing is to be either complex and worried or easy going and confident. I guess for me its a confidence issue that I thought it was wrong to be easygoing and socially self-counscious at the same time. After reading about an acknowledged personality type that is spot-on for me while I thought I was "not good" all my anxiety about this thing is gone. Its pretty amazing what perspective can do to a troubled pondered mind.

I dont start $#%^ in my relations, I dont instigate $#%^ or talk bad about other people, I dont crave attention but I do crave intimicy from time to time. I want to get noticed but I'm not histrionic at all.

For anyone else curious about the personality types just google them and look them up on youtube as it can be more lerning to hear people talk about them.

It sounds as if you're quite introspective and this is a good thing. Whether or not you have a disorder, self awareness can enable you to work on the aspects of yourself that are positive and this can only help you where relationships are concerned.

Have you considered therapy? I ask this, not because of a potential disorder, but because it could give you an even deeper insight into yourself and enable you to discover possible patterns that have been repeated in relationships. I'm of the opinion that everyone could benefit from therapy if they go into it with an open mind and are prepared to delve into themselves.