Nons IRONY:You love HPD bc she hurts you endlessly

xdude's thread said(histrionic-personality/topic63913.html)
you can't love a HPD

6.) Because even if you love her, and she loves you, she'll remind you in a thousand subtle ways, she needs endless others to validate her.

But you know what?
You love HPDs because she keep talk about all the other men around her.
If she didn't do it, you think you could love her? No, it's the opposite. You couldn't love her!
It's a proven fact that males lose interest, when they feel like the woman completely belongs to him.
But when a competitor appears, the man again gets the sparkle, feel the love, etc
so MANY books etc ADVISE women to use that trick. Talk about other man, hint the existence of competitor, to make her man to love her more, like he first did when he met her. If a HPD is just so boringly faithful, you might start looking for other girl or at least just get rather bored with her. You think you won't? You are biologically programmed to do that as a male, you can't resist lol

Do you think it's in HPD's DNA that it naturally makes her to keep talk about other men to you?
I'd say HPDs might have picked it up from books etc and using it very effectively.(though it's not like i am consciously doing it much... it's automatic..)
Obviously you nons still love her a lot! Even though you feel frustrated, angry, etc over her
you are not sick of her or forgot her, which is the worst that can happen for HPDs!

Yes I endlessly talk about other man to the man who likes me. My mouth almost automatically moves and talk about those, It's crazy, but it makes me to be desirable to men as much as it frustrates them. So isn't it ironic?

You wouldn't have been able to love her that much if she didn't hurt you in that way.
Nons say after marriage, after a few years pass, really the initial feeling disappears completely, (and also scientists say the hormone thingy is not secreted anymore, love is not forever)
isn't that sadder, to lose the feeling of love, than just breaking up with a HPD while you still love her and she is in your mind as an attractive lover forever?

This is true; it illustrates the presence of HPD traits in the general population...many men do lose interest once they feel they 'have' a woman.
But men who take that too far often experience regret... and this is why most guys know their limitations and don't push it, otherwise they would be having an affair, which could cost them dearly.

This is the challenge of maintaining love and a healthy relationship...it's like a second job.

But it's also true that a lot of us Nons are thrilled by a risky, even vaguely dangerous relationship with an HPD.

Because they are often beautiful, this adds to the magnetism.

I'm not sure i agree. I think it's ok to suggest that someone else maybe interested in the early stages to get someone interested or to give them the hurry up but i think it wears thin if someone keeps doing it. The way to keep me interested has always been to show me you love me. Endless game playing just gets tedious and i've had enough after a while. I think you'll find most people will get bored of game playing after a bit of it. If someone is commited to you you shouldn't need to keep doing it anyway, if you have to keep resorting to such tactics to keep a loved one you'll never have a stable relationship because your partner is always going to be suspcious of you and your actions. I'd rather have a relationship with two people equally commited to each other who don't need to keep playing games with each other because they both love each other and know it. That'll never happen with what you do.

I can never be had by anyone. I never truly give myself to anyone. There is always a sort of distance in the relationship.

And here is why. Because the image of you is better than the reality. We are all image. When you never open up and give yourself, he is always wondering what's underneath, and his curiosity makes him madly in love with you. But if you ever opened up to him, he would see there is nothing underneath. It's empty.

But he always thinks there is more. And he wants to be the one to get it, get 'you'. But it is a phantasm, and nothing more.

And I do love to hurt him in this way: push-pull, cheat, etc. but never let him in.

Yyyyy,

True for a period of time but it's not endless though a man will likely try to salvage his ego while feeling more contempt than love. I've found it is possible to sort of win but it doesn't come naturally to nons. Just mirror her. When she talks about others pick some other woman to fantasize about, tune the HPD woman out, and stare at another woman. The HPD monologue stops or she leaves. Problem is this means she doesn't like to be around someone like her either. Pointless.

Xdude wrote: "Pointless"

I am new here Xdude, but have read many threads. I understand that you asked "recently" for "help " about understandng your old HPD girlfriend of a couple years ago. What keeps drawing you back to her, if it is "pointless" ? Why after so many years does she continue to effect you? Why keep going back, after all the hurt she caused you? Are you still corresponding with her/your ex?

You say on another thread, in response to YYYYY, that you too are cluster "B". What type of cluster "B" do you think you are? Are you going to seek treatment or have you been officially diagnosed?

Hope you don't mind me asking.

B

PS: thread re reference to Cluster B:

Re: Neeeding answers and solutions
by xdude » Thu Feb 07, 2013 5:22 pm

yyyyy -

Or you do understand, but are f***ing with your own mind, intentionally confusing yourself.

So let's lay it out honestly shall we?

Is it possible you want a BF who is committed to you because that is secure plus for you a BIG ego stroke someone cares so much?

Plus you want the attention and touch of other men too?

And you know full well the BF would not be okay with it?

So the only way to cope with these competing wants is to confuse yourself?

---

I am cluster B too yyyyy so I do grasp why people can have competing wants that are in conflict.

xdude
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Cluster B types sabotage their relationships; that's true..What's also apparently true is some really don't value their relationships much to begin with, and are otherwise coping, even enjoying their coping mechanisms. For those who really don't value relationships much, what is pointless is to try and convince them they are worse off. Like most of us assume that's a valuable goal, but maybe for some it's just not, like really really not and never will be...to explain the illogical approach to life is like beating your head against a wall, because the problem is, they also really don't care if anyone loves them... On some level they are content with who they are.

yyyyy -

You wrote out some real truths about men, and yes, no man can live up to some ideal of a honeymoon phase forever, nor can any woman. As much as you wrote about the corruption of men's hearts, you didn't write about the corruption of the female heart. Question - if you met a man who could love you beyond the honeymoon phase would it even matter?

I got to see Linkin Park perform live last week. One song reminded me of this thread -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFrRTmgXPdU

I've lied to you
The same way that I always do
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing

[Chorus]
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away

I've tried like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you

(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing

[Chorus]

We're all out of time, this is how we find how it all unwinds
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
We're all out of time, this is how we find how it all unwinds
The sacrifice is never knowing

[Chorus]

Pushes me away
Pushes me away

Writer: SHINODA, MIKE / DELSON, BRAD / BENNINGTON, CHESTER CHARLES / BOURDON, ROBERT G. / HAHN, JOSEPH
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Xdude wrote:I am cluster B too yyyyy so I do grasp why people can have competing wants that are in conflict.

Thanks for your response to my other post Xdude.

However, I was wondering why you felt you are cluster B. Trying to understand, as most of the time from reading your posts, you seem to have it together. No pressure to answer, only curious? So if you don't answer I won't ask again.