How to tell a new boyfriend I have HPD?

I have recently gotten close with a new boyfriend and my diagnosis of HPD has been looming over my head. I don't know how to tell him without him freaking out and leaving me. I think he is probably going to think that I am going to be too high maintenace to deal with? Help?

Hi Lovely and welcome to the forum

Rather than dropping that bomb maybe try to manage your own condition (or continue to do if you are already). He will probably figure things out by himself in time, and if he knows you are honestly trying then that is a sign of commitment and concern - an important message to him.

Congrats on your being concerned for him and your relationship with him ...more often it is the guy who is asking how he should tell his g/f that he thinks she is HPD.

Thank you for the welcome Orion! That is good advice, I think I will take it! I hadn't thought of it in that way, my commitment to improve my relationships being a good sign to him. You are right, he will figure it out! Thanks again!

I think what is the message here is, while HPD can be a useful point of reference in understanding one's personality, and any possible associated traits holding one back from a freer expression of life, we should all be careful of it becoming a label; a box that traps the person within, and that then comes to be that person's profile.
The hazards of labeling...it's better to acknowledge the reference point and then do the personal work that is involved in personality management...that way the b/f or other important person will hopefully see, understand, and appreciate the human being inside...if not, then better to find out sooner, rather than to keep up the acting, which tends to aggravate the lack of appreciation of true self that is at the core of the HPD disorder.
The HPD management strategy is to accept and love your true self, even if this is just by faith, and then explore your true feelings and thoughts in therapy, embracing and accepting and fortifying...you.

You have to be able to have you, for your b/f to love and have you

Thank you for your insight. I have all of the criteria for HPD (diagnosed 4 years ago) and one of the issues I struggle with is really resisting any change in my personality because I think I am fun, charming etc. etc. I know that I have to change certain things that can be destructive and I work really hard with my psychiatrist every week. I am VERY sensitive to criticism and rejection which is why I have been so stressed out about my b/f finding out my diagnosis. The first thing he or anyone else would do is turn to good ol' google and find out about HPD. He is a good man and I just need to trust that he will view me as the complete whole person that I am and not the label of HPD.

I am new to this forum (any forum actually) but I have to say that I see some posts that make people with HPD sound like heartless monsters. I think we are sensitive people with issues of our own, just like anyone else. They manifest themselves outwardly and sometimes in an "in your face" manner, but I think it should be wise for us all to realize that these behaviors are most often symptomatic of underlying problems.

Anyhow, once again orion, thank you for your thoughtful response, you have been very helpful

Hi Lovely -

I am curious. Orion is right that usually it is the other way around, but since we know nothing about him we can't guess how he will react. On some level though you know him to a degree and likely have some expectations and hopes how he'll react. So I am curious...

You wrote that you 'recently' met him, and so I'm assuming that at the moment the relationship is going well?

Suppose you didn't tell him though. What are you concerned is likely to go wrong with the relationship?

Suppose you do tell him, what outcome are you expecting or hoping for?

hey, what will you do if your new boyfriend says: ' I have HPD'

My opinion.

Honesty is the best policy.

Don't tell him he won't trust you.

yYyYy wrote:hey, what will you do if your new boyfriend says: ' I have HPD'

That would be a twist!