What happens when someone with HPD gets old

If you have this disorder, get help now, because an old person with his condition is truly sad. My mother-in-law has HPD and she was extremely beautiful when she was young and very interested in clothes and status, but at her age now (70s) she's not attractive to men in the same way. Now she has resorted to using her body in another way to get attention--by inventing and exaggerating her physical illnesses. When she was young and pretty she had a lot of friends but now that she's old, people are not drawn to her anymore and she is always alone and desperate to find people who will pay attention to her and cater to her. At first people like her because she is charming and friendly, but it doesn't take long before they realize that she is self-centered and uninterested in getting to know them in any meaningful way. I think she was always like that, but when she was young people either didn't notice or didn't care because she was so good looking. She looks at everyone who comes into her life as someone to use and so people end up avoiding her. She wants everyone to love her, but she doesn't love anyone else in a deep way, including her children. Her children (my husband included) only do what they are obligated to do for her but no more, because she was never a true mother to them and always looked after her own needs instead of theirs. This is a warning to all of you who are using their looks and seductive personalities to control and manipulate others. They will not last forever, so you better seek help and find another way of coping and develop real relationships with your friends and family now, or you will find yourself isolated and alone when you get old.

This is basically what my therapist told me.

Eventually an HPD will be left cold, broken and alone and it will then be up to them to pull themselves out of the blackhole of need that is their life and interaction with others.

No more people to use to bail them out of their own mess!

The only thing that brings me peace is knowing that one day my HPD will pay for her crimes by being left all alone and old with no one to love her because she pushed them all away.

KontrollerX wrote:This is basically what my therapist told me.

Eventually an HPD will be left cold, broken and alone and it will then be up to them to pull themselves out of the blackhole of need that is their life and interaction with others.

No more people to use to bail them out of their own mess!

The only thing that brings me peace is knowing that one day my HPD will pay for her crimes by being left all alone and old with no one to love her because she pushed them all away.

Alright pet, I've got so much to give you! If you just let me to.

My mother was HPD (probably due to 10 years worth of incest from her father). She had a streak of common-sense and toughness and that got her through.

I guess having just penned a nasty note to a Christian for the sin of being a Christian, I shouldn't say boo, but, living your life in the hopes of someone else's failure is pretty sick, not to mention lame.

These people are sick and deserve careful support, or to be left alone. Isn't it embarassing to be lectured to by someone with nasty cases of attachment disorder, PTSD, and bipolar?

W

This is from Ray's essay, "A Lady with Histrionic Personality Disorder":

Vanity and obsession with youth.

One evening whilst we were going for a walk she asked me whether she looked her age. She wanted me to reassure her that she looked younger than she really was. ... She confessed to me that this was a major issue for her. She said that she wished that she could pass for a nineteen-year-old. We all wish that we looked younger, but she was contemplating the inevitability of ageing without any sense of perspective or humour. This will surely become an issue for her as the years take their toll.
................................

I told my HPD that she was going to age one day and have wrinkles. She looked rather saddened and asked 'will I look ugly when I'm old'. She asked this without any 'perspective' or 'humour' or irony. It's as if we've all been dating the same woman!

I totally get that these are wounded people in need of help, however, it is hard to be too sympathetic when another person is trying to use and manipulate you and doesn't care at all about your needs or feelings. Some people hurt and they hurt themselves because of it and I just want to reach out and hug them and love them, but when someone takes their hurt and pain and tries to use you as an object to gratify themselves, I just want to stay away. They see your light and joy and love and just want to destroy it or suck it out of you. You can't afford to help them because it costs too much. Any advice on how to help someone with this disorder without harming yourself in the process???

KontrollerX wrote:This is basically what my therapist told me.

Eventually an HPD will be left cold, broken and alone and it will then be up to them to pull themselves out of the blackhole of need that is their life and interaction with others.

No more people to use to bail them out of their own mess!

The only thing that brings me peace is knowing that one day my HPD will pay for her crimes by being left all alone and old with no one to love her because she pushed them all away.

You are right.

"Those who sow the wind, reap the whirlwind".

Guest,

If they had "normal" upbringing and expectations, then you could very well have lots of justified anger, if that is the emotion you want to stick with.

HPD's and others with mental health conditions are not "normal", cannot be judged FAIRLY by the standards of society or social norms, even though they are all the time. If they break the law they pay as anyone, if they break someones heart that comes to know who and what they are, then what is fair? Justifiable anger/rath? How justifiable is that, should you mug a child for his ice cream money because he cannot fight back? Where would your cascading morality take you to if you let it if we start here?

Disconnectection would seem to be a good idea for a few of the regular "victim" posters here. At least when you wake up someday in the future that is free of "them", you can go on your way. WTF do they have to look forward to?

A persons heart can often be measured by how they treat the less fortunate. I am sorry for you folks that you ran into HPD's, and I am surely sorry - but not surprised - for them for running into you.

W

"If they had "normal" upbringing and expectations, then you could very well have lots of justified anger, if that is the emotion you want to stick with."

You should be informed that it has not been pinpointed what exactly causes HPD. No one knows whether it is caused by upbringing or people are just born with it. I personally believe the answer is some people are predisposed to getting it if raised in a horrible environment that wouldn't otherwise get it if raised in a good one and I also believe that some people are just born with it.

"HPD's and others with mental health conditions are not "normal", cannot be judged FAIRLY by the standards of society or social norms, even though they are all the time. If they break the law they pay as anyone, if they break someones heart that comes to know who and what they are, then what is fair? Justifiable anger/rath? How justifiable is that, should you mug a child for his ice cream money because he cannot fight back? Where would your cascading morality take you to if you let it if we start here?"

Another thing you should know is all Cluster B Personality Disordered KNOW right from wrong.

HPD's should be held accountable in some way for their actions.

I'd love to be able to sue mine or force her into treatment.

That in my opinion is not my asking for too much or going beyond the means of justifiable wrath/anger.

"Disconnectection would seem to be a good idea for a few of the regular "victim" posters here. At least when you wake up someday in the future that is free of "them", you can go on your way. WTF do they have to look forward to?"

Some people are in therapy for years for their problems and eventually get well. HPD victims need to talk to other victims to know they are not alone. A lot of mental processing has to be done to come to terms fully and re-organize your world view with the way the HPD has turned it upside down by a person finding out all their love was fake and just a sick ploy at getting attention and as one sociopath put it...services from you.

Its critical for me to talk this out over and over again as I am suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and feel that I don't want my victimization to be for nothing and rightly so. So I will vent and help all the victim posters I can here and if they want to do the same they can. If enough of us stick around the board it will remain alive and perhaps more HPD's will come to it and decide to go into treatment themselves so they stop hurting people and ultimately themselves as a result.

I'm sure all of us victim posters take time out to go for a walk, enjoy a relaxing activity, smell the flowers and see the birds so if thats what you meant by disconnect I have done that and I believe all of the fellow victim posters have as well yet the ghosts of these women continually haunt our minds so we come back here to vent about it. I found blocking her out of my mind just makes her come to it stronger. The character she played that is and what could of been. Talking it out here as well as the work I've done in therapy is the only thing that has helped me find a measure of peace and there is no set limit on when or if ever a full healing will ever occur.

"A persons heart can often be measured by how they treat the less fortunate. I am sorry for you folks that you ran into HPD's, and I am surely sorry - but not surprised - for them for running into you."

I'm sure you are and I have tried to help my HPD discover what was wrong with her as well as help the victims and few HPDs who have showed up at this board who want help so I can assure you of the victims I at least have a very good heart.

Sincefour,

I think your reply was inappropriate and very misguided. Who has a "normal" childhood where all of their expectations are met? Few, if any. First of all, there is a vast difference between "understanding" and "excusing" someone's behavior. Understanding helps you to eventually forgive and let go of the anger and bitterness, which is important so that you don't repeat the cycle, but first it's vital that the victim of abuse come to the realization that how they were treated was not justified or deserved. No matter what was done to you as a child, you are responsible for how you treat others in this life. At the very least, you are responsible for seeking the help you need to get well. Period. The vast majority of people who had horrible childhoods grow up to become good husbands/wives/parents who work hard not to do to others what was done to them. Just because it is more difficult, does not mean it cannot and is not done.