power of attention

in my country, students have to study very hard,
so a lot of them often study together in a classroom after school ends etc,
in a private learning institution
and the thing is when there is everyone else around me i could study so hard, never sleep,
especially when everyone started to fall asleep, then ppl talk to me like 'wow, she studies hard, doesn't fall asleep etc'
and i get good grades! power of attention make me happy, able to concentrate, happy, etc
but when i have to study alone in a room,
gosh, i just sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep, tired, no concentration,
it's really uncanny,
so i had to study when there are many ppl, many ppl who are likely to give me attention


also when i was learning asian painting,
i would KEEP fail to learn to draw something no matter how i try
then this person started to look at me next to me then i felt like watered plant,
and strange energy and capability comes out from me and i suddenly can do everything well like never before


it's weird,
when i cannot do something, like painting or whatever, i KNOW that if someone is looking at me,
i totally can do it. black and white.

When they look at you, your capabilities rise as you yourself rise up to greet them-to be accepted by another human being...to feel the membership...the belonging in this big tribe called humanity.

But of course you and your capabilities are YOU - they arent created from nothing in the instant another person pays attention to you.

It's more like you are dormant within yourself. IMO you need to continue to look at yourself, you need to better perfect your self-knowledge so it is you who inspires you in the full belonging to humanity.

Then, when another inspires you, you will get much more from the experience.

yyyyy if you want, post some images of your paintings some time.

The HPD forum definately has the best art =)

Yeah, it would be lovely to see your paintings yyyyy

You know, sometimes we all need validation and attention, even when as HPDs we've become self aware. I'm also studying, and need to meet deadlines, which is one of the reasons why I haven't been here so much lately. I can totally relate you what you're saying. Because my family are all caught up in their issues at the moment, which I won't go into, but they're pretty heavy, and because I've been supporting them, my studies have been more difficult. This isn't solely down to the stress of the family situation, it's also because I have had no one to validate me or to say "Well done". It can be a bit demoralising and it makes the studying seem to be much more tedious.

At the end of the day, though, when I have completed my deadlines I can say "I did it for me" and praise myself, even if there is no one else to praise me. That's partly what healing is all about - giving yourself the validation you need, even if others don't. You're a bright person, and your biggest reward will come from giving YOURSELF the praise that you need, knowing that you did something for yourself, whether or not other people recognised your efforts.

For what it's worth, I'll give you that validation and encouragement now - you CAN do it, you're bright and intelligent and your studies will pay off for you, and help you for the future.

you guys have no idea about me simply whenever you say anything to me..

because you were never personally in contact with me

i remember the first PM i sent to masq

' i am so sad, lonely, i am suffering a lot, please be my sister masquerade'

and masq answered 'i can't be your sister, i am Mod and I am doing all these as a mod but not privately'
oh i was so hurt

Hun, I'm so sorry you were hurt. I remember you writing to me, and I don't think my reply read quite like that. I was concerned about you then, and am concerned about you now, whenever you seem to be unhappy. I think I was trying to tell you that of course I care, but that because I'm a mod there are some boundaries that I can't cross, and that it wouldn't be fair to you, or to me, or to any of the other members here who I also help if I extended the friendship any further to the extent of being your "sister". Hun, it wouldn't have been fair to you, because I would have been limited in the amount of help that I could give to you, due to time, family, outside work and studying, and all the other duties I do on here. People who act in a therapeutic way to help others can only do so if they have certain boundaries in place, and these actually exist to keep you safe.