Never fitting in again as if I ever did

I feel like I can never fit in with anyone because of my grief. The pain of losing my son is always right under my skin and it is very easy for someone to hurt me or misunderstand me. I also feel like all my childhood issues are coming out to haunt me, like the fact my parents really screwed up with how they raised me. Whenever I see articles about supportive parents it makes me really upset.
Neither of my parents talk about my son. The one time I tried to talk to my dad about my son 4 months after he died, my dad told me there was nothing to say about my little boy. (he died at 2 months old) He said my son was too little and wasnt here long enough, so there was nothing to say about him and nothing to know about him.... it was one of the most hurtful things someone close has said to me.
My mother on the other hand has no problem just saying "You weren't at the top of your game. You werent ready for a baby" and she had wanted me to get an abortion when I first found out I was pregnant (At 20 years old) I have not lived with my parents at all since I was 18. They left me for dead on the streets basically... well.. I guess my mom at least made sure I had a car. (That car was my home for some time)
Then my ex fiance's family took me in and I have been living here ever since. Thank God for them. I have been through Hell and still going through it... I was living here when I was pregnant, raised my baby boy here, and sadly he died here June 7th in the morning.... he stopped breathing in his sleep. Some call it SIDS.
The police treated my baby's father like a criminal just because he is part hispanic and we aren't married and we are young. Then they took me alone to the hospital and told me my son was dead. Then they took me back to the house and had me react waking up in the morning find my dead son sleeping in the bed next to me and what I did. Then they made me sit at the police station for 7 hours while they questioned my whole family and kept us all locked in separate rooms. I don't think I will ever recover from the trauma. This happened June 2013. My little baby boy would be turning 2 years old this March 25th but instead I am sitting here at school unable to focus on anything other than trying not to break down crying in front of my classmates that don't even know me at all (I am new to this school)
I randomly stumbled upon this forum and thought it would be a nice place to talk. I have been in and out of the psych system since I was about 12, but I would say my depression problems started when I Was 10. I believe a lot of my problems are from not talking about them enough and connecting with others who understand and have been through it too. Thank you for listening and I am thankful to have a place to post my thoughts. I am in a couple of other support groups specifically for grief but I have other issues that I feel can interfere or make my grief worse so I would like to talk on a broader scale about psychological problems and whatnot that I have experienced. Thanks for listening.

I'm reading here, orangesunflower. Two years is no time at all for that kind of loss. And with so much maltreatment at the time. It's horrible that people can be so heartless. Both professionals and family. When a baby's parents have lost the centre of their world. Just awful.

You're welcome here. And wherever else you want to post, too.

hi, your son is in a better place now, he is in heaven....all children who die go to heaven.